I don’t want to wake up tomorrow

[GurlWithACurl]

Nearly every day when I wake up I am disappointed. I have been on antidepressants for years. Have tried loads of different ones and now my psychiatrist says that the only thing left is counselling. But that can’t take away the mental pressure from adult DS, who pours his ASD rages down on our heads. He has been away on a lovely holiday and now has come home angry with the world. He can be so sweet and loving, but also screams and rages at us. I can’t take any more and just want to end everything. I am so ill (multiple conditions for decades) and am getting old. Just want it to end.

So sorry to hear you are struggling 😢 I dont have much in the way of advice but just wanted to give you a virtual hug 💜 I have two children with additional needs one of which is very violent during meltdowns and has a horrible temper - the thoughts of him being an adult really scares me. I also have an adult brother with suspected adhd or asd paired with addiction issues and he's put my mum through hell over the years so I understand how hard it must be.

I find knowing others are going through similar more comforting than any text book I've read - every though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope you find strength from somewhere and some support, maybe from people who are going through it as well. Xx

Sounds like it's time for adult DS to go into supported living accomodation.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources: ^https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health^. You can also visit the Samaritans website at www.samaritans.org or email them on [email protected].
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We hope things improve for you soon, OP.

This evening has been really bad again. DS is being lovely, so he hasn’t been the trigger at all. I just feel so bleak. For the first time in my life I am off my food and finding it very difficult to eat. DH is really worried about me. I just can’t see any joy in life and am so frightened for the future. I will be 70 next year and I can’t believe I am getting so old! But I just want it all to stop now.

Yesterday was a bit better, but today is awful. I can hardly eat anything. Even these thought of food makes me gag. I just want the lights to go out peacefully and finally. Just so desperate.

DS is kicking off again. I am in deep depression with panic attacks yesterday and today. Had to contact the psych for more meds. I started to phone the police because I was frightened of him, but stopped. They rang back and I fobbed them off. But I can’t cope like this.

Op he needs to leave and go into supported living.

Have now been given a date for counselling, but it’s nearly three weeks away. Have some extra meds, but the effect doesn’t last and I can only have two months supply as it loses its efficacy after that. Am in a dark, dark place and I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.

Please can I just not wake up tomorrow. I cannot stand this any more.

Worst misery I have ever suffered. Nothing has triggered it. Family members are trying to support me, but I can’t see a way out. Why am I feeling like this?

How is a person supposed to live in misery like this? My family is arguing around me and I can’t stand the mental pain of life. Why can’t I just die?

Have you sought help to get your ds out?

Hi GirlWithACurl,

We're so sorry you're still feeling so low and we hope that the counselling is going to help you to feel less overwhelmed.

In the meantime we wanted to post a link to the National Autistic Society as they've compiled a page with links to organisations which may be able to give you some extra support when dealing with your DS.

Here's the link - https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

We really hope things start to feel a bit easier for you in time.

I’m not in your situation but as someone with depression caring for a family member I understand your pain. Have you been to counselling yet? How are you feeling now? I do hope things get easier soon.

Thank you for your post. You are very kind. The counselling hasn’t started yet and I am really struggling every day with both my physical and mental health. I am having blood tests next week and I hope that something can be done to help me.

Thank you @JoMumsnet , I will look at that link.

How are things @GurlWithACurl?

@WinoLino Trundling along reasonably OK. Doctor has given me an extra antidepressant in addition to Mirtazapine, so I’m hoping that helps me. Nothing showed up on the very comprehensive blood tests. The Christmas period is always stressful, so I will take stock when the holidays are over. Thank you for checking on me!