Desperately sad, anxious & alone

[Notsurewhattodo99]

That’s it really. No real local friends, no family apart from dd 20 ( who no longer lives with me and is currently blaming me for mistakes I made in her childhood- maybe rightly so but I did what thought was right at the time). Terrible anxiety, ocd, overthinking, feeling like I’ll fall apart if anything else goes wrong and feel like crying.
Have had counselling, cbt, hypnotherapy & ssris in the past. So desperately sad and don’t really know the point of it all anymore.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. 😔
Where I know you feel alone in RL , you're not alone in here. Type it all out. Lighten the load a little x

@Whatthebarnacles thank you. I just don’t know what to do.

At this time of night, I think the best thing to do is make yourself some hot chocolate and go to bed with your favourite book. Tomorrow things will look brighter.

Another two days off, you have time to achieve something that will help you feel better. Even if it's only small, something you have been wanting to do for a while. Write a catch-up email to an old friend or give the bathroom a spring clean. Turn the radio on. Fling all the windows open.

Then get out in the fresh air. Walk or cycle to a cafe and watch the world go by.

Do you have someone you can phone for a chat?

@Meadowfinch thanks. No unfortunately I do t have anyone to call for a chat. I messaged a friend yesterday but no answer yet. I did lots of walking yet still ended up crying the evening. I hate how my
life has turned out 😢

Hello, I'm having a bit of a rough time too, with some similarities to what you describe. This year has been a bit of a nightmare for me.

OP you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re one of millions. Maybe go to a church? You don’t have to be religious (I’m definitely not) but it’s a way to be among people and spend some quiet time. I think there’s even a few secular churches around.

Humans generally do need company. Do you work? Volunteer? Nobody is going to come along and fix you so you’ll have to be proactive here. A walk is a great start and posting on here for a chat. I wish you well.

@Yellowbirdcage thanks. Yes I work full time. I miss my dd so much and wish I could go back and fix some of my parenting mistakes. She seems resentful to me now and Doesn’t value my opinion as she doesn’t want her life to turn out like mine. I wish I’d been a better parent and she still valued me.

I now it’s early but is anyone there? 🙏

I’m sorry you feel like this.
I have anxiety which then turns into ocd. It’s awful.
I think spending time alone makes everything feel so much worse, too much time to think. Can you perhaps volunteer in a charity shop every now and again, or join a hobby group that you’d be interested in, a local gym perhaps, yoga class, go to your local parkrun on a Saturday (you don’t need to run, lots walk) .
I don’t know how practical these are for you, but just something to look into maybe when you’re ready?

It’s horrible to feel alone, and I think (for me at least) the anxiety can make that feel worse. As a PP said, talk on here, let the people on here listen, offer advice and hopefully this will help in some way.

Could you call your daughter to invite her over for dinner maybe. If you think it would help, have an honest chat with her, explain that you did your best. That this is your first time living/ parenting & that all parents can say they may have done some things differently in hindsight, but you did what you thought was right at the time.

Hiya. I’m here. Feeling a bit anxious today for no particular reason. Did you get any sleep? The sun is shinning here - what is the weather doing where you are?

i think it quite common for the young adult to blame parents for things. They still don’t have much of a clue about life and it is easier to get grumpy with someone who you know unconditionally loves you. Does she know how low you are feeling?

@Pippatpip & @RunningJo thank you. I did try to explain a few days ago how upset I was. She said there were lots of happy things from here childhood but she thinks I dealt with some things badly. I explained I did what I thought was right at the time . I don’t think she realises quite how bad I’m feeling - it’s not the most empathetic or sensitive person !
i will see her soon but i want her to enjoy out times together no have to listen to how bad I’m feeling.

I think 20s, when you first move out of home, is a usual age to get a bit critical about your upbringing. I'd try not to take anything your DD says to heart (easier said than done I know), I'm sure she will come back to you once she's had a bit of space to vent and process her feelings.

Can relate to wondering what the point in life is, everything feels like a big effort a lot of the time. I'm basically hanging in there, because the alternative would mean hurting a handful of people I love. I take things day by day and try to roughly plan what I'm going to do the next day before going to bed. Today's plan is to walk the dogs, do some gardening for an hour or two and roast a chicken for dinner.

Keep posting, you have people on here who are listening

hi. Just about to go out but I think you should tell her. She would be mortified if you get worse and then she finds out that she added to it. You would help her and it is a big thing to admit to your child that you are not coping but she could be helpful. There are obviously lots of positives from her childhood too. However, when MH gets like this rationality goes out of the window so talking to her may help. I take Ashwaganda, btw, and find it helps with the occasional propanalol for when I get myself in a state.

@Pippatpip thank you - I have told her but knowing her it’ll probably have gone out o her head within a day or 2. She’s very wrapped up in her life and isn’t the most sensitive or empathetic person. She sad she loves me but I can feel the resentment. She said she won’t ask my advice on things as I dont have the life she wants. She’s only just turned 20 and has lived away for 1.5 years. She comes come very occasionally but clearly doesn’t miss home at all.

What effect does ashwasanga have?

@Notsurewhattodo99. Ashwaganda just takes the edge off anxiety and improves mood. It cannot substitute for prescribed medication but it does seemvto keep me more balanced.

@Pippatpip thanks. Does it work immediately or is it like eg antidepressants where you have to take for a few weeks for any effect?
Any side effects?

hi. No side effects and seems to calm things down quickly but it is just a herbal remedy and builds up in the system. I don’t think it would be a replacement for an antidepressant

Thanks all - I think I need to go back on antidepressants initially. Need something to dull my feelings

Anyone there ?🙏

Bump

Hey OP, hang in there. So often things feel worse at night. Do you have a book you can get engrossed in or a film to watch?

@PullTheBricksDown thanks. I can’t focus on a book atm.

Hi 👋 I think you need to see your GP and get put back on antidepressants, I'm sure they will help. I'm riddled with anxiety if I don't take mine. Come back if you need to chat :)