Hello edge, I have reached you

[tribpot]

I know many people in this topic have much more to deal with, but I won't put this in AIBU, cos - y'know - I'm not.

But I'm done. I literally cannot cope any longer with a chronically ill husband who is depressed and a 3 year old who is amazing and a full time job that is killing me. Killing me. What I really hate is I can't even say why it's mainly killing me cos it's too controversial.l (i.e. national press controversial).

I can't do it. I have to do it. There is no-one else to earn any money for our household. But I can't do it.

Hello edge, I have reached you.

you dont have to do anything that you dont wnat to. there are always other ways. how bad is what you do? and how mcuh money do you need per weel perhaps we could suggest better ways of earning that amount

Do you have any family support that you could turn to? Could you be signed off sick to give yourself a break?

is your dh getting any treatment? is it just that he is depressed or something physical too? im sorry you are finding things so hard i hope they get better soon

trib what other career options do you have?

could you move to cheaper area, cut living costs? Get easier job perhaps?

could you move to cheaper area, cut living costs? Get easier job perhaps?

could you move to cheaper area, cut living costs? Get easier job perhaps?

trib

I'm sure lots of wise folk will be on here in a minute with advice, but it the meantime I'll suggest very obvious and mundane fixes: are you getting all the benefits you're entitled to? Can you downsize and maybe reduce your working hours? Can you afford a cleaner/helper?

You can say what is 'killing you' on here if you want to. I suspect you do want to, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it.

tribpot... I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. I know we've only really talked on here about The West Wing [sob... now sadly gone forever], but I also know that I am quite local to you (I'm not a scary stalker, honest ... I remember it from the Mile for Maude threads), so if there is anything at all I can do, please feel free to CAT me.

Can you find it in you to adopt a commanding pose in the face of everything and say 'What's next?'?

Meh...I'm soooo slow!

you know what. you are farking witty. and made me laugh with your thread title.

poor you for the shite stuff, but good on you for the wit!

No advice other than to say - this is a safe place to get it all of your chest and blurt it all out if you need to.

We don't know you etc etc

Some people will judge you but who cares - you don't know them anyhow!

C'mon - off load - a problem shared is a problem halved - as they say!

trib I'm so sorry. I think with what you have to deal with I would have been introducing myself to that edge a long time ago.
not sure if you still have my email - it might have changed - but I have got myself a second, non-identifying address: petrovafossil a t gmx d o t de. Get in touch if you would like to vent/rant.

Actually, I was being flippant with the WW reference, but I do find that when things pile up and I feel I can't cope (and I have a much easier time of things than you, but a lot going on - also work FT, etc.) the only way forward is to take things one teeny tiny step at a time; to tick off one job before moving on to the next, and to be ostrich-like about the whole mass of other stuff out there to be dealt with. In fact, I may stick a piece of paper with 'What's next?' on it on my computer screen. (I currently have a Barack Obama 'Yes We Can' on there...)

Seriously, let me know if there's anything I can do. (Oddly enough, I had a 'national-news-can't-talk-about-it-type-of-thing' happen a few months ago, and it was awful. So glad it was (hopefully) a once in a lifetime thing and not something I have to deal with all the time.) Loads of sympathy ... and do let me know if there's anything I can do.

sorry trib

Trib my darling fellow junie
You know me? I had an extremely big gap between my 1st dd (a very special dd) and my junie baby.
I'd love to email you darling if you can bring yourself to get in touch my email is giddyme @ hotmail . com

You are fantastic.
Can I do anything to help?
lots of love sweetheart

You still there Trib? I'm off to bed. Hope you're able to get some much needed rest too. x

Sorry trib can I just quickly hijack and say

Hi berolina, you too
Do you remember the offer of the place to stay during your trip over to oxford?

yes! yes!! how the devil are you?

I am in Ox again next month (staying at college, no less, with ds2) - meet? email below!

OK I really do have to go to bed, but here's one more bump for you Tribpot. Hope you're OK.

Trib I have to go to bed too, but I am a little worried. Please get in touch, or post again.

Hopefully you are having a restful night's sleep.

All, apols for not replying last night, the internet was playing up.

To try and answer some questions:

• dh is under the 'care' of various consultants but there is no treatment for his condition and no hope of him ever getting better.
• no family support available regularly, both sets of parents quite a way distant and my step-father has been diagnosed with cancer so can't ask my mum for help. Step-dad is doing quite well on the chemo so far.
• can't move because of falling house prices
• I do have a cleaner, she is brilliant. And in fact I do have a friend helping me out nearly every day with ds til end of June
• I have to find time to go to the Benefits clinic to find out if dh is entitled to anything beyond the DLA. Situation complicated because when he was well enough to work it was all out of this country so no NI contributions.

Other career options - well, the dilemma I have is whether to stick with a permie job for the job security (have given up hope of ever needing the maternity pay, and in fact couldn't afford to stop work for very long anyway) or go back to contracting where I can earn more and used to be able to take months off between contracts to have a chance to decompress.

I actually can't say what's happening at work, I mention it because the stress of not being able to say is awful.

Today's the 19th day in a row that I've worked. I suspect this might have something to do with my current mood. Fortunately I am recouping some of the TOIL I'm owed starting Thursday midday but I can quite honestly see me working straight through til then. Ds very upset by how much I'm working.

Have a terrible urge to walk in today with my resignation letter, work my three months' notice and see what happens.

Bero, I do have your email address. to PellMell.

Ellbell, not feeling very Bartletish today. Didn't Amy have about 16 jobs in 3 years? I could be Amy

Morning trib. Glad you came back to post.

I suppose with contracting the question is if there is likely to be a steady stream of jobs to support you. I am vaguely looking at possibly going freelance or SE in the mid- to long term and currently reckon I could live off it, if not make riches (ha blardy ha). The other question is if the stress will be less, both short- and long-term. I do feel for you - you know I've been in the WOTH FT-and-inordinate-demands position (if nothing as stressful as you have) - it tears you to bits, doesn't it? FWIW, you do so very well doing justice to all the commitments in your life. Please try to do justice to yourself too (I know how blardy annoying it can be to hear that when you have no other choice - but I will say it anyway. Send me your address and I will send you organic pampering goodies )

Our flat is empty for a week in June and then 3 weeks in August if you need/can get a break (sadly it's too small really to accommodate you while we are here).

I'm sure you can't possibly be as annoying as Amy, trib. (Not sure if she was meant to be annoying, but she annoyed the pants off me!)

I am thinking about you. Please take care of yourself.