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Hello edge, I have reached you

49 replies

tribpot · 29/05/2008 22:13

I know many people in this topic have much more to deal with, but I won't put this in AIBU, cos - y'know - I'm not.

But I'm done. I literally cannot cope any longer with a chronically ill husband who is depressed and a 3 year old who is amazing and a full time job that is killing me. Killing me. What I really hate is I can't even say why it's mainly killing me cos it's too controversial.l (i.e. national press controversial).

I can't do it. I have to do it. There is no-one else to earn any money for our household. But I can't do it.

Hello edge, I have reached you.

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/05/2008 14:11

Thanks both. Still feeling very teary and depressed about the whole thing, I just want to go home and sleep but can't because ds is there and won't give me any peace. Dh can't really take ds out on his own, yet.

In fact I think I'm going to have to go home and lie down.

Thanks for your thoughts. And Ellbell, yes, Amy was highly annoying.

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berolina · 30/05/2008 15:49

Oh sweetie would getting signed off be entirely out of the question? (I think I can guess the answer to that one... I've worked through two miscarriages )

if I can help somehow, get in touch.

tribpot · 01/06/2008 07:55

bero

No, no possibility of being signed off, to be honest, I wouldn't want to admit that on any future application form.

Well, work yesterday consisted of one text and one phone call, so that was quite good going! And then off to a party, also good.

Today may or may not be hectic, I have to go and get everyone set up for testing in the live system as the person responsible for doing so it too scared to use the new functionality

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foxinsocks · 01/06/2008 08:12

Hello trib! We haven't caught up for ages...

did I miss a trick and you're pregnant again (your reference to maternity pay?)

Aside from everything else that's happening, I think if your FT job is crap, it can really put a downer on everything else (I am now back FT too). I think the contracting thing is well worth looking into but I guess it's the job security that you are grabbing on to? Is it worth looking for another permanent job? (have quite a few contracting friends whose contracts are coming to an end and haven't been renewed. It's a bit down in that market at the moment but if you have a specific skill set, you may find you're in demand no matter what).

tribpot · 01/06/2008 11:10

Hey fox, how's it going?

No, not pregnant again. Been trying for ages and it's not happening Hence probably no need for maternity pay!

Yes, it's probably the wrong market to go back to contracting, I'm pretty sure I could find work but can't be flexible about location. The other dilemma is that if I step off the career ladder again, that probably is it for me as a permie, I'm probably four years behind where I should be as a permie because of the years I was contracting before.

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Uki · 01/06/2008 13:12

Hi Trib

sorry to see your you sound very over worked and stressed, you have a lot on.

I know it's just a small solution but could you get a night out, or something go to a movie or see a friend?

we all need something apart from work, stress and dc's. I've been escaping into reading books lately, even just 5 minutes before my eyes can no longer stay open is great.

Hope you feel better soon

foxinsocks · 01/06/2008 20:33

oh that's a bugger (location). Might be worth just getting a recruitment person to have a look for you though (so you don't do any of the running)? You never know.

Sorry to hear things are so shit.

I've been racking my brains to think who Amy was in the WW (have just asked dh who is its biggest fan and I've just endured a very long description but am none the wiser lol). Toby and Josh were always my faves and CJ of course .

tribpot · 10/06/2008 20:17

Well, a little update.

Went to Amsterdam this weekend with dh and ds. We got the ferry over, that was nice other than being gouged senseless by costs on the boat (got ds his own plate for the buffet and was charged 15 euro for the privilege).

We got to Amsterdam on Friday morning. Got off the bus, walked/wheeled round the corner on to the Damrak and dh's wheelchair broke down. I was frozen in horror: WTF am I meant to do, in a foreign country, with a broken-down wheelchair? Ds kicking off about why are we standing still, I want to go somewhere else, etc, then him crying as I try to figure out what the hell to do.

Went into first shop I saw and explained situation and asked them to phone a taxi. They did. Have to wheel/push dh in wheelchair, ds in pushchair and all luggage down the street to where a taxi can stop. Taxi driver attempts to call a repair company he knows but no reply. Decide to go to hotel.

Hotel have their engineers look at the wheelchair whilst we, disastrously, try to go out with a manual one - me pushing dh and ds on his knee, up kerbs we can't do, dodging trams, the whole works.

At 5 on Friday the engineers give up and say there is a hire company we can try. I phone the concierge on Saturday morning to be told: oh, they [the wheelchair firm] work weekends, only office hours. Too late. I google and find a company outside Amsterdam who do work Saturdays. They agree to bring a wheelchair to us for 80 euro.

Wheelchair arrives 2 pm. We head to the zoo. Wheelchair runs out of power 100 yards from the zoo. We have to get a taxi back. And eat from room service - again.

Sunday we get a taxi to the zoo. Have a nice trip round but after return trip to central Amsterdam the wheelchair is running out of power again. Top up in the Haagen Dasz shop. Limp back to hotel.

Get another taxi back to where the bus picks us up to take us to the ferry. No-one makes the slightest allowance for the fact I have a disabled dh and a 2 year old ds in a pushchair, it's horrible.

Somehow make it on to the ferry and acquire manual wheelchair for the duration. My greatest fear is how to get off the boat with dh, wheelchair, ds, pushchair, luggage, the following morning. Fortunately after struggling to the exit, a whole of ferry staff are getting off to and take all the gear with them and also whizz us past all the queues, so that was okay.

People are awful, particularly when travelling, to wheelchair users. So many people literally looked in disdain and refused to move out of the way enough. I was trying to wend this fucking wheelchair around people's stupid ankles (actually ran over a few feet) because they wouldn't just shift out of my way. They clearly felt: you with your small child and disabled husband and non-functional wheelchair and luggage have no right to get off this boat faster than me.

YES I DO YOU UTTER F**KWITS.

And that was my holiday.

Got home from work tonight so unbelievably tired.

I cannot do this any more.

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cupsoftea · 10/06/2008 20:23

what a time you had - some people are awful & if there had been any mumsnetters about they would have helped you for sure.

I feel you need to fine someone in rl to talk to about this - you are your dh carer & have your ds to look after. Someone will know more xxx

cupsoftea · 10/06/2008 20:27

.

Ellbell · 10/06/2008 20:32

Oh trib. That's terrible. I'm so sorry your weekend was marred by non-functioning wheelchairs and people's non-functioning brains. I really find it hard to comprehend the attitude of some people (though I can well believe it - the woman I witnessed swearing and ranting like a demented thing at a blind/partially-sighted man in the co-op because he 'pushed in' in the queue - i.e. didn't see her - was particularly excruciating).

I wish I could say/do something that would be practically helpful. In the absence of anything better, I am sending you good vibes and hoping that you have a slightly less exhausting week. Will you CAT me if there's anything more specific that I can do?

tribpot · 10/06/2008 20:47

Thanks all. I think I am still in shock about watching people try and pile their luggage on top of mine (hello, wheelchair) so that I cannot put: rucksacks, wheelybag, pushchair, other bags together with everything so I can get it all back later. We got on the bus and the driver tried to make us walk all the way to the back - hello, my dh CAN'T F**KING WALK if you didn't get it before. It was so dire, so insultingly dire, balanced with all the really good experiences we had in Amsterdam of people genuinely trying to help us.

Why must people be so moronic? Why must I endure stares and taunts as if I am doing something wrong? Why can't every single fucking person just clear out of my goddamn way so I can survive this 'holiday'?

Hello edge. I have reached you again.

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Ellbell · 10/06/2008 20:50

These are for you, my sweet.

tribpot · 11/06/2008 19:52

Thanks Ellbell. A very low night last night and shaping up for the same again. I contacted the counselling service we get through work but obv can't speak to them whilst ds is awake in case he hears (and he had a ludicrously late nap today, I'm likely to go to bed before him).

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NotABanana · 11/06/2008 19:57

Hi, a fellow Junie here.

If I can do anything, you only need to ask.

DumbledoresGirl · 11/06/2008 20:01

Oh tribpot. I don't have any clever ideas or suggestions for you. Just so sad to see you on the edge.

tribpot · 11/06/2008 20:08

Thanks both. And DG, I owe you an MSN chat don't I?

On a positive-ish note, we went to see the endocrinologist this morning and dh may have diabetes (amongst many other things) - at least it is controllable and may help him to feel a bit better. He also has a hormone treatment that he applies as a gel currently and it's not working very well but they've agreed to go to a quarterly injection, which should make life a bit easier too.

I'm just drained. I worked 25 days in a row I think, and then that 'holiday' and now back to it, with people constantly saying "you must work on my thing now, the other stuff doesn't matter" - but it does. And there is only one of me. I can't have any patience, tolerance or diplomacy to deal with the many stupid people I encounter daily (who doesn't) and I'm in danger of hurting my professional reputation as a result. I can't deal with my home life, I just want to go and hide.

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DumbledoresGirl · 11/06/2008 20:41

Tribpot, don't worry about the msn chat. I don't want to burden you further if talking is a burden (which I know it is - I am going through a bit of a lowish patch too atm). We will catch up one day. I was worrying about you though, not having seen this thread until today, but noticing that you were not around.

Re the job, 25 days in a row is ridiculous! Who on earth sanctioned that? Do you have a line manager you can talk to about your work issues?

tribpot · 11/06/2008 20:45

DG, not a burden, I'm just on the wrong computer - work laptop in the dining room v. home PC upstairs. Sorry to hear you are having a low period too.

25 days in a row - my line manager knows, but also knows it was necessary to get the job done. I think if I offer my resignation he will say "now don't be silly, just have some time off" which is quite correct. He cannot help with the enormous pressures on my time, no-one can. All he will do is tell me to tell more people to get lost, and then they will all tell me their thing is the one I should work on, and the problem is, they're all right.

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DumbledoresGirl · 11/06/2008 21:09

So taking time off as (potentially) suggested by your line manager would just mean deferring the things other people want you to do, and would, in effect, only add to your pressures? What a miserable situation! What would happen if you did tell one or two people to "get lost"? Are you sure you are the only answer to their problem? What I am basically trying to say is, remind me again of what it is you do!

naswm · 11/06/2008 23:05

Hi trib (remember me?) DG has alerted me to this thread and I'd like to offer you my support. It has been a while since we talked (and I deleted all my msn contacts when I was drunk once so no longer have yours ) but PLEASE do re add me to your msn so we can chat. You remember I understand your job issues? And some of your issues re dh? let's chat. HUGS til then Nx

naswm · 11/06/2008 23:15

foudn your email trib (but not your msn address) and sent you message. HUGS Nx

tribpot · 14/06/2008 10:51

naswm, sorry for the delay in replying but I have now sent you an email.

One thing I forgot to mention in that tho is that I've got a 5% bonus at work! 550% would be more reasonable in my view but probably not in the view of the taxpayers. So it's good to know that my and my team's herculean efforts are at least appreciated by our boss, even if no-one else gives a flying one.

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naswm · 15/06/2008 22:11

Hi trib, thanks for your mammouth email, sorry I havent responded yet. I worked for two days at the end of last week, plus have rehearsals atm and this weekend I have hardly been around. How are things right now at home? HUGS Nx

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