Neurodivergent?

[MumOf4totstoteens]

I’ve suspected for a while now I have some kind of neurodivergence. I’m diagnosed with dyslexia so I know that goes hand in hand with some other conditions. I am also diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Every month or so, I have these episodes that lasts days-weeks where I just completely shut down. I don’t get out of bed, or if I do it’s only to see to my children’s basic needs when no one else is there. It’s so frustrating and I feel like such a failure. Then all of a sudden I’ll be ok again. During these periods I feel suicidal and have to continually tell myself it will be ok and this will pass. I’m usually a high functioning person. This time it’s been triggered by going on holiday. I only went for 3 nights and it went well but it’s like it drained the life from me! I came back 6 days ago and am only just starting to feel half normal but now the guilt/ regret/ shame kicks in.

does anyone else have these episodes? If so are you diagnosed with autism/ adhd? Is there anything I can do to prevent them?

What is EUPD?

Emotionally unstable personality disorder. Its the updated name for bpd borderline personality disorder.

Who gave you that diagnosis? Surely you need to see a psychiatrist for that right?

Yeah it was a psychiatrist

I have ADHD,diagnosed late in life. Has decades of treatment for depression and anxiety, horrible episodes of deep depression, apatgyas well as giddy highs. As someone with ADHD, your brain has to work harder than that of a neurotypical person because of distractability. We literally hoover up every piece of information, every little detail of what we see, hear,smell even. A NT person can can filter out what isn't really important for the task in hand. We also have tge ability to hyperfocus for hours on end if there a no disruptions.
Our minds never switch off,I like it to watching a dozen TVs all at once and being fascinated with every single program that is on.

That’s scary that they just gave you an incorrect diagnosis 😫 you would think if you saw a psychiatrist they would be well trained enough to get it right!

I’m autistic and adhd and have episodes like this after I’ve socialised. Even after a small amount of socialising I need 2-3 days alone to recover. I feel suicidal and very low during this time, then feel better suddenly. It’s definitely got worse for me as I’ve got older!

Its an easy diagnosis they like to give women happens all the time it was a telephone appointment we had never met or spoke before the appointment only lasted less then 40 minutes. Im 99% sure she had diagnosed me before id even opened my mouth. If you know anyone who has struggled with their mental health over a long period of time they will likely have multiple diagnosis it doesnt mean they have these things its just dependent on the dr on the day. Im sure if I went to a psychiatrist tomorrow I would get another random diagnosis. Its not that different with physical health you see different drs for the same thing they will like diagnose you with different things unless its something you can specifically test for.

You describe how I feel, I have a diagnosis of depression linked to menstrual cycle and strongly suspect it's actually autistic or ADHD burnout.
PPs are right that ND women often have more sensitivity to periods.

I get so burned out from my routine changing or too much stimulation, if I can't control amount of noise or demands before I meet my limit I have to hide under the covers of my bed in silence.

Doctor has given me the AQ 50 to fill in but think I'm going to return with a lot more research to support my idea of suspecting autism as I'm slightly under threshold for autism on AQ 50 but one of my hobbies means that I don't answer all the questions how the test expects a person with autism to. I score very highly on the masking quota, I think it's called Cat Q.

It's not like I want to have autism or feel special in some way but it is just such a clearer diagnosis for me than depression itself...like I'm not actually depressed, I love my life but I can't cope with a lot of overstimulation or demands and then breakdown trying to hold it all together, meaning THEN I am depressed.

For now, I am going to pursue support via GP and use strategies I find online for managing sensory overstimulation.

You've described my life pretty accurately.

I had this. Including a few periods of being signed off work with "depression" where I felt so tired that I felt like all the sleep in the world wouldn't fix me. I'd get up, take the kids to school, go to sleep, maybe have lunch, go back to bed and fetch the kids from the childminders or school depending on the day.
My daughter recently got an autism diagnosis which suprised me. Her primary school referred her, she's secondary now. Apparently she's high masking. Lots of her traits are things I didn't think were unusual. Also, I had an impression that autistic kids are generally harder to look after than others, and she's the easiest child I've ever looked after. A friend has suggested that I don't have the "double empathy" problem neurotypical people have when collaborating with autistic people. Arranging an assessment for myself is on my to do list.

Hello,
I was suffering like this for years and inadvertently got an ADD diagnosis in my mid 40s. There’s a lot of helpful content that you can access that may help you even if you’re not neurodivergent. It’s difficult sifting through a lot of rubbish though. I became a coach specialising in late diagnosed women for this reason. Can highly recommend a book by Meredith carder “it all makes sense now “

I just did that aq 50 test online dont know if its accurate because obviously online but I scored 34 I was quite surprised as although a part of me thinks I might be autistic I thought a significant part didn't like i understand jokes im good at reading people so I always dismissed any thoughts iv had of autism

The AQ50 is definitely legit in that doctors do use it for deciding whether to pass on further, a lot of websites just upload it too. Maybe worth checking you did the one doctors use though because as you say, internet not always reliable.

It's worth doing some research on women and autism too as AQ50 written based on old research and understanding of signs has widened now.

I have definitely decided to explore further with GP as to what is left after the depression is treated...as in, I can now get out of bed and don't keep thinking of harming myself but I'm still triggered but the same things...I just recover from it without existential dread.

Just done this test 46/50 😳

I will look at this book thank you. Can I private message you about the coaching please?

The current thinking is that all the ‘D’s’ are connected.

My ds was diagnosed dyslexic and dyspraxic. But is now ADHD.

Dd is adhd and dyspraxic.

No one knew about adhd when l was little, but l have dyscalcula, and have lots of adhd traits.

Op it’s burnout. When you have had too many demands placed on you. Thats why you retreat to recover. Only way out is less demands.

You definitely need an assessment. See i have traits but I dont know if its significant enough

I might mention it to my dr see his thoughts my gp knows me quite well so il see what he says iv never been to bothered as iv always been quite split on whether I do or not as their are quite a lot of traits i dont have but then quite a lot I do have I think if I do its on the milder side of things as I do manage but I'm exhausted after doing anything.

This is my Spoon theory

basically getting up and doing a day at work or looking after my DD3 on my own all day uses all my spoons. I wouldn’t dream of trying to work out for eg because I’d just be in bed all day the next day. I avoid homework with DS, making appointments, dealing with bills. I have no “village” just me and DH who works full time so I feel guilty asking him to take DD while I rest. He thinks I’m crazy for needing so much rest/ down time. Haven’t showed him this yet but he will probably just laugh. Any tips on how to manage this better would be great thanks. I work 3 days a week and have my DD the other 4 days on my own, unless my mum is well enough to have her for an hour or 2 which is very rare.

Things that accrue more spoons

• relaxing candle lit bath with spa music 1️⃣
• Meditation 5️⃣
• Massage 5️⃣
• Nails/ eyelash app 3️⃣
• Sunlight 3️⃣
• Sleep in disturbed 5️⃣
• Resting / watching TV 5️⃣
• Being alone for a few hours 5️⃣
• Having a nice coffee 2️⃣
• Taking vitamins 2️⃣
• Eating healthy 5️⃣
• Going to spa 9️⃣
• Night away on own 1️⃣0️⃣
• Drinking 2l water2️⃣

Things that spend spoons

• getting out of bed 1️⃣
• Brushing teeth 1️⃣
• Getting myself dressed1️⃣
• Shower/ wash 1️⃣
• Wash hair 2️⃣
• Dry hair 2️⃣
• Getting DD3 dressed1️⃣
• DD3 hair1️⃣
• DD3 teeth 1️⃣
• Motivating DS to get up 5️⃣
• Drive to work 1️⃣
• Work 5️⃣
• Dropping off kids2️⃣
• Picking up kids 2️⃣
• Food shopping 3️⃣
• Cooking tea 1️⃣
• Cooking new meal 3️⃣
• Cleaning house 7️⃣
• Cleaning 1 task at a time then rest 1️⃣
• Socialising 7️⃣
• Little trip 7️⃣
• Holiday 1️⃣0️⃣
• Gym 7️⃣
• Walk 3️⃣
• Home work out 5️⃣
• Looking after DD3 on my own all day 1️⃣0️⃣
• Getting up with DD3 in the night 5️⃣
• Homework with DS 5️⃣
• Meeting with school 6️⃣
• Dealing with bills 4️⃣
• Making appointments 2️⃣
• Going to appointments ie Dr dentist etc 3️⃣

On average 10 spoons a day

Hey this kind of thing could be something to do with hormones or your bloods, like you have low iron or low protein or something. Have you ever been to a naturopath? I found this helped me. I wonder if you haven't ruled out the physical part I wish you all the luck with it all!

I get them checked every few months and apart from slightly low vitamin D they are always all ok 🤷‍♀️

Of course. I’m not sure I’ve ever used private messages but assume that I’ll get notified

Yes I'm autistic and the same as you....although I'm older than you and been through some recent trauma so currently I'm far worse. Your nervous system is more sensitive and any activity or sensory input is going to use up more energy than it would for a neurotypical. You do need to learn to take it seriously (very difficult) and manage your spoons carefully or you'll end up with chronic fatigue.

It's an incredibly difficult situation to be in because no-one understands. Even close friends of mine don't really understand because they only see me when I'm well. They don't understand that they're using up my energy by talking!

Sorry that was no help at all. You need to try to get your DH to understand that if this isn't taken seriously you'll end up disabled. Mind you, most of my disability has been caused by anxiety and trauma I think.