Neurodivergent?

[MumOf4totstoteens]

I’ve suspected for a while now I have some kind of neurodivergence. I’m diagnosed with dyslexia so I know that goes hand in hand with some other conditions. I am also diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Every month or so, I have these episodes that lasts days-weeks where I just completely shut down. I don’t get out of bed, or if I do it’s only to see to my children’s basic needs when no one else is there. It’s so frustrating and I feel like such a failure. Then all of a sudden I’ll be ok again. During these periods I feel suicidal and have to continually tell myself it will be ok and this will pass. I’m usually a high functioning person. This time it’s been triggered by going on holiday. I only went for 3 nights and it went well but it’s like it drained the life from me! I came back 6 days ago and am only just starting to feel half normal but now the guilt/ regret/ shame kicks in.

does anyone else have these episodes? If so are you diagnosed with autism/ adhd? Is there anything I can do to prevent them?

I have adhd and I get intrusive suicidal thoughts. I've found them really baffling as I've never had them when I was younger. It's come on with age and more pressure in life. I find them quite unpleasant.

Mine are hormonal and stress related, but the one thing I've found that links them is that they often come before a migraine.

That's been quite helpful for me to realise.

The cycle for me is something like:

stress = mental confusion = suicidal thoughts sometimes = headache, with suicidal thoughts sometimes

The reason that's helpful is I can see points where I can intervene.
For example, when I notice mental confusion then it's a sign of stress and means I should step back.

Likewise if I notice dark thoughts, it's a sign - time to step back.

Rather than typically what I used to think:

stress = mental confusion = there is something wrong with me, why can't I cope, beat myself up, I'm worthless etc.

Ultimately as a therapist said to me these thoughts are the brains way of preparing you to take action in the face of stress.

What I'm now trying to work out is what does stepping back in the face of stress look like.

Having spent an entire day in bed post holiday leaving dh to man the fort so to speak I can completely relate to your post @MumOf4totstoteens
Prioritising yourself is hard with a family. I'm having to learn a different way to live and accepting that the fast pace of modern life doesn't suit me and isn't good for me. My bad times are also hormonal, post period as opposed to pre period.
Figuring out you are autistic in your 40s as a woman going through perimenopause with kids and a job is pretty insane. It's like playing a game on hard, but it just gets harder.

This is so emotionally intelligent. Imagine trying to work this out in your teens or early 20s! I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you manage some coping strategies. It seems like you are well on your way. Take care x

It’s like playing the same face as everyone else except yours is on hard mode, but you don’t realise and you think everyone’s is on this mode and wonder why you find things so hard then you realise it’s not that hard for everyone else 😭😫 fml 🤦🏼‍♀️

ive just woke up from 12hrs sleep. Yesterday I was spaced out, fell over, put salt in my tea! I was so achy and my scalp was burning. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. Feel better after the sleep 🤷‍♀️ husband cleaned all downstairs as I went off to bed at like 6pm. And has gone to get me a coffee and breakfast in bed 🩷 he’s been horrible to me the past few days tho and I wonder if that has something to do with my symptoms. God knows! Read something yesterday about AuDHD basically autism and ADHD and I think I might have that as I have traits of both.

You are in burnout and need to rest.
Hormones play a major factor too. Your family and kids will survive you taking care of yourself.

Unfortunately there isn't a quick way out of this. There isn't tonnes of research (because we aren't men! ) but there is something about women reaching their 40s and reaching a point where things get even harder and they realise they are neurodivergent and playing the person they've been their whole life just becomes impossible.

I started listening to a podcast yesterday on menopause and mental health and if you stick with it, there is a guest that talks about finding out she has ADHD during perimenopause.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/34gKB2GgjphvYEYOH85kPP?si=f4t30yUvSGu3-zBMSEpp2w
It's called Making Menopause Matter by Diane Danzebrink. Needs a TW because she does talk about being in a dark place and suicide.

The thing to remember is you aren't alone and it will be ok.

I agree very much with this^^.

One of my adult dc has ASD and she would definitely shut down in her room for a few days after returning from holiday.