Can’t stop thinking about ending it all

[uphighonahillside]

I’m 51, probably in peri. I’ve been struggling with anger for a while now but lately I feel like everything is just too much and I’m constantly thinking of how I can just kill myself. It’s constant. Lying awake at night wondering how I’d do it, how can I do it painlessly, how can I do it so my family are not financially impacted, or how can I leave and never look back?

i don’t think I will do it, but why can’t I stop this loop in my head? Why am I tearful all the time? I’m just to exhausted with it. How can I stop these thoughts?

[Post edited by MNHQ to remove mention of methods]

Sorry to read this. It is a really hard time to navigate.

Definitely see your GP and explained how you are feeling. They will be able to help.

Oh gosh @uphighonahillside how sympathetic is your GP? Please get help. There’s lots of things they can do to help you. Say exactly what you’ve said here.

You can self refer to counselling these days or ring or email Samaritans. https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

Have a listen to one of Louise Newson’s podcasts on the menopause and mental health.

Sending hugs. Xx

Bloody hell OP..I could have written this .. I didn't realise it was the menopause and those feelings came on quite suddenly..
Get yourself to the drs please..
I'm through the menopause now (mostly) but it was a very dark time... antidepressants helped enormously as did talking to my Dr...
Life is good for me now but I remember those feelings very well..
Please talk to someone...

GP wouldn’t give me anything HRT wise when I tried to talk to them a few weeks ago. Sent me a load of signposting to websites which wasn’t what I needed.

I tired the work mental health support and got out through to a man who seemed very nice but I don’t want to talk to a man about this. He then sent me a load of signposting as well.

Do these people really think sending someone stuff to read when they feel like this is helpful?

Bless your heart. How horrible. I'm perimenopausal myself. It's awful. What I will say is this : don't trust yourself (awful as it sounds ) how you feel today may be different to how you feel tomorrow. Being peri is like having raging teenage mood swings with nobody who understands! Tomorrow you may just feel that little bit better. (You probably will) Keep surviving day by day. Go easy on yourself. Be nice to yourself, as you would a friend. Just concentrate on each hour. On one of those hours you'll realise it's a brighter hour. This is a dark period, but you will see the light.

Ps I feel you completely. Unfortunately (I'm on the inside) the NHS don't care. It's tick box signpost crap that helps nobody. I'd source private help if you can.

@Marylou62I will try the GP again then I think. I have had no other menopause symptoms really other than periods slowing right down to 10months in between the last 2 (thought I was nearly through!). Thank you.

@SquishedMallowyou’re not wrong about the teenage thing - I’m a total arsehole at the moment! Thank you 🙏

@pinkteddyI will check out Louise Newson, thank you.

Agree it’s crap. The first GP I saw did exactly that. But find another GP - ask if your practice has a menopause specialist. You might be surprised. Go private to see Dr Newson if you can afford it. She does on line consultations.

re your work support - ask if you can see a woman? Or self refer through NHS https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/enter-gp

I'm so sorry you're going through such a dark time, and can totally relate. It i can be really shocking and challenging - I felt like I was losing myself, initially without realising what was it.

Can you see a different GP? The first one I saw did exactly this to me "oh, you don't need to take anything, there's no point". I had a random conversation with another GP at that practice about a year later, and got. HRT, which has made such a difference to my quality of life. Really hope it works for you too - please be pushy, if you can. Xx

Does your GP surgery have a specialist Menopause Nurse? Some do. Don't be fobbed off. 51 is prime menopause age. Ask for blood tests.
In the meantime - my advice would be to take a good multivitamin, vitamin D and iron. Cut down on coffee/alcohol if you drink it and make time for yourself. Get outside - do something you enjoy doing. It's trite, but self care as your estrogen drops is really important.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We have edited your post to remove the mention of methods - not because you've done anything wrong, but because we're highly searchable. We take this advice from organisations such as Mind.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our mental health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move this over to our mental health topic now.

See another GP. I felt like you a couple of years ago. Realistically, I'd never off myself, but I used to wish I'd never wake up. Went to the Dr's. I did have some other symptoms but there was absolutely no hesitation in her setting me up with patches and progesterone. It takes a bit of tweaking to find out what doses work best for you, but please, see another GP. 💐

Please phone NHS Direct option 2 and say you're having a mental health crisis.