To feel at the end?

[TreatTreat]

I'm really finding things difficult at the moment with my mental health. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

Work is very stressful at the moment and I don't really have any support outside of work.

My mum is a very negative person. She's usually insulting my appearance but today it was my house. She said it smells of piss. No kids or pets who piss on the furniture or floors. I don't know why or how it smells of piss, but there we go. A lot of my poor mental health is caused by my mother, I feel.

After this comment, I decided to end the day short. I was upset. I try and take pride in my house. She refused to end the day short t first, but when she realised I was serious, she went in a right huff and said some stuff. This riled me.

I have no enjoyment in life anymore. Nothing to look forward to and if I ever do anything, I don't enjoy it. Even things I used to enjoy. I have no support. Few friends outside of work. I'm tired. I have a chronic illness too which has flared recently.

I don't see the point in living anymore. I don't have any dependants. I feel some people live go old age, but I'd rather bow out now. Apart from my mother and a few shite relationships, I've had travelled which I've loved and had pets who have fulfilled my life beyond how I could have ever hoped. I don't see a future for me though. I'm good at my job and popular there, but the stress and the constant work put upon us from the top. I simply can't and don't want to have to cope anymore.

I'm not about to kill myself. I just wanted to tell someone. To ask if anyone can understand.

I’m so sorry you feel this way. You mention that you love travel and getting away from it all could be just the ticket.
On my Facebook at the moment - and I don’t know why - there’s a load of volunteering opportunities that are coming up abroad. So for example, helping out at retreats in beautiful locations in return for food and lodgings.
Would you do a ‘fuck it’ and consider something like this?

At least for a while! Just to give you some lust for life.

It's a lovely idea but I do have pets that I need to be around for here (they're not causing the smell of wee) and I don't have any holidays left from work. I've been abroad a lot this year and it does me the world of good when I'm there.

I’m sorry your mum is so horrid to you, you deserve so much better,
your house can’t smell of piss - maybe it’s her !!!
it’s lovely that you take pride in your home -
you need a bit less mum in your life and then your life may well feel more filled ! Some people drain rather than add

You take pride in your home
you travel
you work
you look after your pets
despite being depressed, you are a credit to yourself - well done.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

My mum is similar (creates stress drama worry) but it’s taken a long time for me to work it out. Society leads you to believe that your mum is your best mate and there’s a ‘bond’ but that’s not always the case. I’d definitely limit the amount you see her, and if it makes you feel better, limit it further….

all the best x

I tend to feel that if people are ready to 'go', they should be allowed to go. I don't mean when someone's just having a bad day but if they've thought it through clearly, have good (albeit sad) reasons and are content with the decision then fair enough.

However I'm not sure that's the case here. You say you have no enjoyment and therefore nothing to live for, then list things you enjoy like travel and pets which contradict that. You point out that your mother is most or the majority of the problem. It seems to me that your problems are fixable - maybe not easily but certainly possible.

1. You remove anything not adding to your life, in this case your mother. If you are correct in what you say about her and she is only a negative then you remove her from your life. You don't see her anymore.
2. You increase the things that do add to your life, such as travel. Change your job to one that involves travel or move abroad. Whatever you can make work for you. Of course two of your positives - travel and pets - can contradict and that will involve making some uncomfortable decisions. If you can't be there for your pets then you have to rehome them. The alternative is putting aside travel for now and changing your job to one that involves animals, for example. It sounds like that could be something you might like based upon what you've said about pets.

Without knowing anything about your personal circumstances it's hard to give specifics so maybe I have hugely oversimplified. Do you own your own home so you could have house sitters to care for your pets while you travel/work abroad? Could you sell it to fund travel? There's an awful lot to think about but it doesn't sound like you're anywhere near at the end.

Thank you very much. I'm sorry your mum is the same. It's so draining xx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

💐

Thank you very much for your reply. I could never rehome my pets. They keep me going an are often the only reason I ever smile. I can still travel with them as they settle well into the pet hotel for a week or two and they seem to enjoy their time there.

Moving somewhere that would suit my lifestyle better could be an option. The market moves so quickly through and I've recently missed out on a few properties I liked the look of.

Travel doesn’t necessarily exclude pets. Guess you just need to think more about how it works. If you’ve used all your annual leave and have savings to live off for a while, can you take an unpaid break from work? Buy a caravan? Can you change to part-time (temporarily) and travel but work from home.

I agree with others. You don’t need to put up with that from your mum. Just see her less. Or tell her you will see her less unless she changes (to give her a chance to change)? Maybe write a letter or message to her rather than say it face-to-face.

Can you get out doing some voluntary work to meet more people? Attend some clubs? Evening classes? Attend a local walking group?

Good luck.

If someone said there's a smell of piss in a piss free house I would ask if they'd wet themselves.

No, I could never rehome my pets either 😊 but my point was simply that you can and do feel joy. Therefore you are nowhere near the end. Build on whatever joy you do have and minimise that which does the opposite. It's something we all need to work on, to be honest.

OP the fact that she is your mother does not mean that she can treat you like this or that you must have her in your life.

If she does is bring you down and criticise you all the time, you need to distance yourself. I know it is hard but tell her she is no longer welcome in your house as long as she continues to behave in this way.

If you are struggling with your health book some time off work or even some sick leave.

Take care of yourself and put your wellbeing first.

Moving away from your mother for a fresh start sounds like a good idea too...