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My life is falling apart and I don't want to be here anymore

9 replies

Totallybannanas · 05/07/2025 15:20

My dad is dying and currently in a hospice, I need to find him a home. My 20 year old sort as decided to go off the rails again and came home drunk and obviously taken something which made him aggressive and throw my door off it's hinges resulting in me calling the police. They took him my elderly mum's to stay and he is out drinking even on work days and not coming home. I went back to work a few weeks ago on a phased return, but now they are putting pressure on me to work more hours as they are short staffed. My son out me through 3 years of hell and it took a while to get him a job and back in the the right track and now he tipping me over the edge. I've become my dad's carer as my brother also works and can't be there all the time. I'm torn and I am worn down. I just don't want to be here anymore. I almost wish my dad would hurry up and die. He's running me ragged, other family and the stress and pressure of finding a home is breaking me. Obviously I haven't told him about his GS. My dad is declining and becoming needy and is a completely different person. I'm so done and don't want to be here anymore.

OP posts:
Nopenousername · 05/07/2025 15:25

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Could you ring the GP Monday morning and ask for help? It doesn’t sound like you are ready to be back at work on top of everything that is going on with your dad, mum and your son.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 05/07/2025 15:27

Sorry you're going through such a hard time💐

The Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk. Have you or your dad had an assessment needs/carer? Can you access any support from an organisation for his illness? Eg, Macmillan.

Can your brother relieve you at the weekend or in the evenings so you can get a break?

Mygosh · 05/07/2025 15:35

I'm really sorry to hear about these issues you have. It sounds incredibly stressful and that you are at breaking point.

Ask your GP to sign you off work until you are ready to return. You can call 111, option 2 to speak to the mental health team, or 999 if you feel like your life is in immediate danger.

All I can add is that I understand how you are feeling right now, but things can and do get better. 💐🫂

Eyesopenwideawake · 05/07/2025 15:37

I'm sorry for what you're going through. If your father is in a hospice why do you need to find a home for him? Your work, and your son's issues are at least equal to your brother's work responsibilities - he needs to shoulder 50% of the care. No argument.

Totallybannanas · 05/07/2025 15:38

It was hard enough, but work gave me a bit of normality and I was handling it fine until my son decided he would go off the rails again. He has been spiralling, but it just got worse and we had a silly row over rent that's when he came home off his face. My brother is stepping up a bit but is not being tested for bowel cancer. Work were ok my head anyway, it's the colleagues that are less sympathetic probably because my dad isn't actually end of life yet but we nearly lost him and he rallied around. I just want to walk away from it all. I wanted to keep my job and my family together and it's gone to shit.

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Totallybannanas · 05/07/2025 15:39

The bowel cancer tests has only just come apparent. It may not be anything more then irritable bowel but obviously it's another worry.

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Ricoletti · 05/07/2025 15:39

@Totallybannanas I’m so sorry, this all sounds sounds so hard!

even separately these things would be overwhelming and massive, but you are coping with so much at once love, no wonder you are feeling burned out and done in.

Im trying not to leap in with solutions, and this may already have been suggested/thought about, but when my mother was in a very similar situation with my gran, she found the support of a ln adult social worker and care coordinator very helpful. The care coordinator supported her to navigate the finding of a good home, and helped work out what next steps were. She made a call to adults services and explained how overwhelmed and confused she was with the process. If you are still offering lots of care to your dad there may be some options open up with an adult care assessment?

re your son, it sounds like he needs to engage in some support for his substance/alcohol use. But this will need to be when it’s right for him. As hard as it is you can’t get him back on track, and you need to have boundaries to ensure his dysregulated behaviour doesn’t become abusive toward you and your elderly mum.

mostly I’m just here to offer you a hug and tell you that feeling this way is understandable in this incredibly difficult situation.

you are precious and important, and your needs and mental health matter too.

A visit to the GP or a self referal to talking therapy may help?

the Samaritans are amazing for somewhere to talk and vent and cry, they are supportive and offer a place to let these feelings out with no judgement.

I wish you all the best x

JoMumsnet · 05/07/2025 16:54

Hello TotallyBananas, we're so sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see that you're getting some good advice and support here on your thread but we thought it important to signpost you to a few places where you can get support in real life as well.

Do take a look at our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].
Some further support links:
NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably

Very best wishes from MNHQ

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https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters

Totallybannanas · 06/07/2025 00:32

Thank you, I'm holding on and if it wasn't for my other son I don't think I would be here. I can only take so much.

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