My family blew my life up on lies, do I...

[BucketHatWoes]

blow it up for them with truths?

Good point. The 'truth' is rarely the same thing, depending on who is telling it.

You can't blame other people for your eating disorder. You need to look after yourself and take responsibility. Your son is an adult and gets to make his own choices, just as you do.

“Do I make him leave, so they fuck him up more?
Do I say nothing and not eat for 3 days straight?

OP, if your DS is 25, you can’t MAKE him leave - you can put pressure on him but it is ultimately his choice - as it is YOUR CHOICE not to eat. You can’t blame that on anyone else - that’s entirely up to you. Kindly, I think you need help for your own situation before you start trying to sort out your son - and not eating never made anything better.

Who is doing the emotional manipulating now?

I haven't AS you yet, but I will. I am going to hazard a guess there are very much two sides to this story and the 'truth' and the 'lies' are not quite as binary as you make them seem.

Can you move away from the family? Can DS find work or interests that keep him from family?
is it anything illegal so ? Police or support can be called?
How are family contacting you and DS -can that be blocked.

I advanced searched in the end (I don’t usually). I’ve learnt nothing from your other 2 threads other than you like a good drip feed and a RAGE, and your son ages backwards. Or you have 2 sons with ASD and they are 27 and 25.

Protect your son and cut all contact with them. Simple as that. Surely....

I started a lengthy reply, and deleted it.
OP - you know that not eating will affect your brain as well as your body. Look after yourself first and get well. Then you’ll have the strength to deal with your family.

Do you have ASD yourself by any chance, OP?

I think by the information you’ve given, the best thing you can do is let them.

Then they have no sticks left to beat you with.

Drop the rope - refuse to play. Protect your peace.

@BucketHatWoes Im so sorry, the games people play are just awful.

Your DS may realise what he's doing soon - I find people with autism to be highly reflective, so hoping he changes.

Your ex not a chance, your family, probably the same and as you dont choose them, you dont need them.

Ref your Q, you could but if its a victim persecutor game you will lose by doing so. Best to just say I know your games and I cba arguing. The truth will out.

For your wellbeing, could you just relocate away? I know it's hard starting afresh, but that might be a good option ergo just be rid of them. Close your social media accounts down. Start new ones in a pseudonym where you move to and use fb to find new friends. I know this might not be practical, but whatever you decide to do you will need to fully distance yourself from them.

Sending hugs and good luck x

Sounds like you fuck your kid up with whatever the fuck is going on with your mental health....

How important do you think you are? Take your entitled attitude and behave. I imagine your family won’t be too bothered.

Grow up.

This..
Why are on earth are you grinning about possible harm coming to your son?
Doesn’t sound like you have his best interests at heart and it's more about 'winning' re your family?

I assume the OP is referring to this thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5343525-its-a-benefits-one-hard-hat-ready

But i don't honestly feel much the wiser

(ETA put the link in because op seemed to want this)

Oh I remember this poster now...still none the wiser from that thread... was it ever clear how exactly the unreasonable behaviour is?
So ops own family AND the ex of 20 years ago are still the 'asshats'....?

Well, no, I've other things to do. Context please.

Are you able to cut all contact with them? Sorry if someone has already covered this.

I'm really sorry about the ED and stress.

Your therapy is not working so you either need a different therapist or a different type of therapy. Start there.

Quite frankly how do we know it's not you manipulating and fucking up your DS and not them, and I say that because of how you are coming across on both the threads. So, just in case it's you screaming out for help - go see your GP, get professional advice and maybe a different type of therapy.

The OP seems to be one of those posters who has a narc ex, a narc mother, a whole family of narcs, meanwhile she is perfect and blameless, and despite clearly having some serious MH issues herself, all of her son's problems and suicidal thoughts are down to his father and her mother.

Who are you hoping to manipulate by 'not eating for 3 days straight'... hopefully this blackmails not being used against your son who you advise has asd.

Drop the rope ime. Stress and ptsd from dealing with exh had me at 6 stone. And so frail.
You need to take care of you. Your ds will ime come back to you one day.

So let's take this back to the basics of your OP, shall we?

Which 'lies' has your family blown your life up on? What do you mean by that statement? It's very vague.

And what 'truths' should you blow up their lives with?

You ask us to tell you whether or not you should, so how about we get some useful background info?

So far we know that your son has high functioning ASD, a masters degree but is depressed, suicidal and cannot work. But your ex and your mother don't seem to think it's quite the issue you do.

You have a serious eating disorder and live on disability benefits. Your son lives on disability benefits. You do not consider him capable of living independently but you are not well enough to act as his carer, although he currently lives with you.

You want him to live with his wealthy father, even though you say his father manipulates him. Manipulates him how?

You say your mother also manipulates him. How?

You say your ex and your mother hate one another but are united in their agreement that you are the problem but you don't say how/why.

You say your ex is not at all practical and cannot help your son to learn any life skills or to get into work. You say that your ex will throw money at any problem. Yet you also say that he personally came, at your mother's suggestion, to re-decorate your son's room. So he isn't practical, but he didn't throw money at a professional decorator for that?

How has he caused 2K worth of damage by attempting to decorate a room in your council house?

I think you are the poster that thinks that the whole of mumsnet wait around for your life updates and treats it like your own personal diary and your family are all narcissists…..

Do I keep taking deep breaths and getting on with shit
or do I mirror the shit they do to me?

What shit to they do to you? You say they are not in your life. So what shit can they do?

My family went out of the way to fuck up my autistic sons mental health and knowing that would fuck up my eating

Okay on the face of it, that sounds pretty unlikely. What makes you see it that way? It sounds to me as if you use the risk of your ED being triggered as a way of trying to control your son's relationship with his dad and his grandmother, both of whom you have chosen to be estranged from, perhaps for good reason, perhaps not and they are not really the problem here.

But it's clear you resent the fact that your son still has them both in his life.