I am just in a really dark place right now.

[BlackHole]

I am a regular MNer who has name-changed because I am ashamed. I have lots of things going for me: a wonderful DH, 3 gorgeous DCs, a nice home, friends ....... but I am just so completely unhappy; and feeling anxious all the time.

I am worn out. My DCs are all really young and I just feel like I never have any fun. Life is just one huge long battle with stroppy little people, housework, feeling guilty, ruining my relationship with DH and just generally slogging away.

I feel like a crap mummy. I love my children, but I seem to spend most of my time shouting at them. They wind me up so much. They never seem to listen to a word I say and seem wild and unruly compared to friends children. When they are good they are sweet and kind and wonderful; but most of the time I just can't help loosing my temper. I have rage issues and I am so worried I am going to hurt one of them. Sometimes I feel like smacking them and never stopping. It is dreadful. I can't believe I feel like this about 3 little people who I love more than life itself.

I could go on, but I just need to tell "someone" what a dark place I am in right now.

Stop the world, I want to get off .....

Thank you Janni btw - good post

Blackhole - please don't feel guilty about the way you are feeling. Being a mum to 1, 2 , 3 or more children is very hard, esp if you are feeling low. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I only have 1 DD, and i often feel bored and helpless and also question my potential as a mother. My DP is very good with our dd but im a SAHM and he works, therefore he has a life outside the home.

I often feel isolated and in need of outside living. I have no friend with DC's and therefore have a limited friend base - i am also very shy (eventhough i put out the hard image).

Basically, the thing you need to know is that despite what you thin you are not alone in the way you are feeling , there is many mums out there that feel the way you do.

I found that going to my GP helped. Aldo counsellers are good as they are strangers therefore are easier to talk to as you feel they dont judge . Best wishes

Blackhole, I have emailed you (well you know that I guess, what a stupid thing for me to write!) I hope it wasn't completely unhelpful. Just to know that someone has been in your situation and emerged from it might be a comfort, I don't know.

I didn't say it in the email, but the sex thing was an issue for us too. Don't be fooled by people here claiming that are at it like rabbits. I don't know anyone in RL who would say that. But it too gets better in time.

i thought you meant that you didnt have sex and it was you that wanted it, missunderstanding. my dh i think has a dreadfully hight sex drive and wants it all the time, he is constantly moaning that we are not what we used to be and i have no interest and dont love him!!! well i am too tired and have no interest! why cant they understand that we get tired and exhausted and want to sleep when we go to bed. perhaps if my dh was to let me have a lie in till 11.00 am then i may have a bit more interest instead of him laying in bed every sat and suun and wining at me, along with the children wining for something or another orfighting with each other and winding me up ! Blackhole some of us do get a feeling of worthlessness, but things get better as the children grow older and less demanding and i guess we just get used to our ways of life. i wouldnt take any tablet as i am not sure about that but the healiing of talking and sharing experiences either throught mn or with a specific councellor is good as you can speak your mind and let your feeloiings out and feel listened to. take care and i am sure you a good and loving mum