Help. In the grip of health anxiety.

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I hate this. Am currently feeling sick and very on edge with anxiety over lumpy boobs. I dont think i can feel any changes but i honesty dont know. Have prodded and checked myself so much the last few days boobs are now sore. Have been to gp with this many times over the years. Also had mammogram as part of screening programme. Always been ok. Gp told me i have lumpy boobs which is common apparently.
Am absolutely terrified of cancer, dont want to say why.
The gp has no appointments till 4 july.

I feel im on the edge just now.

Any help appreciated. Please dont scare me.

What are you you doing to help your anxiety? Repeated GP visits isn't helping you need to work on your mental health and find solutions to work through it.

You need to speak to the GP about the anxiety, not your boobs. Seeking reassurance won’t help you, you need to tackle it head on.

Some techniques that may help in this moment - write down all your fears and worries right now and then shred or destroy that paper. Once it’s out on paper it feels slightly better. Then, deliberately make yourself do something else such as tidying a drawer. When the thoughts come, just picture that thought in a cloud or balloon and then being popped or drifting away so you still have the thoughts but they don’t affect you so much and you can let them go. Keep busy doing something else.
I know the same fears as you, mine were lumpy and I’ve also had benign cysts. As I’ve gotten older, ironically, the fears have got less. You know what the dr has told you but I know that spike of anxiety and terror.
If you can afford it, I highly recommend therapy or counselling to explore the fears and learn coping mechanisms.

Thank you.
I've spoke to various doctors endlessly about this. Have recently started citalopram but its not helping yet. Might need to increase 10mg dose.
Ive had cbt and counselling online. I tried hypnotherapy but i couldn't be hypnotised. I was gutted as id hoped that would work. I just need something to click and its nit happened yet.
Im getting worse as i get older and have more time to worry.

I do have lumpy boobs. I have a golf ball on my right side and two marbles on my left. The official term is fibrocystic breast disease. I think you have coped as well as you can and got the lumps investigated. Draw yourself a map of what you have and don’t check until after your period and the breast tenderness has gone down. As long as you are living a healthy lifestyle try and enjoy your confirmed health. You’ve had the investigations they have confirmed it’s Not cancer. So celebrate that. Excercise, and eat good food. Don’t smoke or drink excessively and if you need to take antidepressants for your anxiety then do I know that I do. Finally, my breast consultant advised me to take evening Primrose oil to keep the lumps soft and it really helps me. I take 3000 mg. Discuss this with your GP, if it would help you.

Ive not had the investigations received. I got checked by a gp months ago. Something could have happened since then. Im menopausal, periods finished years ago. My anxiety is just sky high and i feel sick.

Are you on medication for your anxiety? Sometimes people with mental health conditions can be chronically under complaining when they feel they are chronically overcomplaining or they are complaining but about the wrong thing so that makes things even worse.

I spent my life trying not to fall off a mental cliff. Tried everything, different types of therapy, spoke to GP on and off. Developed good enough coping mechanisms but it was taking its physical toll. Lockdown combining with perimenopause finished me off, as I couldn’t access some key coping mechanisms and perimenopause exaggerated the problem.

It was awful falling off the cliff and having an episode of hypomania in my 50s but I am now on the right medication and been given the right therapy tools to support. Life still isn’t easy but I’m no longer in an unbearable torment in my own head that I couldn’t get anyone to see or understand.

You’ve posted this is mental health so you know it’s your mental health you need help with. In my experience GPs don’t have the knowledge to deal with more than mild depression. In your shoes, I would ask for a CMHT referral and if they say you don’t meet the threshold then I would push back on that and say your symptoms are escalating and you need specialist help. They will be able to help you and they will want to help you. But you are 5 minutes in their busy day, you have to keep asking and telling them if what support they’ve offered hasn’t changed a thing for you.

Take care.

10mg citalopram is a really low starter dose, OP. 20 mg or even 30 might make all the difference. If I’m anxious I find lifting weights really helps calm me down.

I will ask to up my dose.

And i agree with @BerkshireRaces. I feel like i tell every gp ive seen that nothing has worked for me and the last gp told me to twist my ring round to stop me worrying. I mean, really !! I feel a sledgehammer to my brain might help more. I just dont have faith they can help me. Cbt years ago was useless.

I have HA and CBT has not helped so I understand OP.

i understand the compulsion to keep checking and the fear around it all.

how old are you? I’ve had many breast lumps investigated. I was always told by the consultants not to check before a period, always after, and monitor a lump for maybe even a whole cycle before seeking assurance as lumps can fluctuate with hormones. I never have personally.

reassuringly I always check monthly so I feel any changes would be found quickly. Do actions like this help you?

I would strongly suggest leaving everything to settle for a few days (make the doctors app though for a check up) before checking again.

have you been taught how to properly check your breasts?

as for the anxiety, try to use some of the CBT techniques you’ve been taught to bring down some of the stress you’re feeling. Is there anybody logical who understand that you can talk to?

Im 58. I dont have anyone to talk to. Im scared to say out loud how i feel. Ive had 3 mammograms and many gp tests over the years and been ok. The last gp told me i had lumpy boobs. I check them all the time, not once a month, dont have periods now anyway.
Its the wait and the not knowing that kills me.
I feel like id like a gp check every other month. Our surgery is busy and its a 2 week wait for appointments and i know that 2 weeks will be hell.

I went to GP because I was struggling with sleep. (Both a huge risk factor and symptom for bipolar which I now knew I had at fhe point). A lot of advice about not drinking caffeine after 2pm type advice. Called CMHT (this took a month and me feeling desperate I was going to have another hypomania episode) even though I’d been discharged and the consultant called me back and had me sorted in 5 mins. Sleeping tablets and increased medication dose. We’ve agreed I need to stay on her books, see her once a year and call her anytime in the meantime if I have any concerns. It’s likely more than I need and I don’t have a CPN assigned but the GP is far less than I need. I need fo stay away from all therapy, they had a phycologist work with me in the hospital to identify warning signs and coping mechanisms but I was discouraged from even thinking about what in my past had led me to this point and what my triggers were. I needed to remove as much stress from my life as possible and prioritise sleep but it was importantly I didn’t try to examine why things were stressful etc.

The way you write reminds me so much of me.
I honestly think you need a referral to CMHT. If you’re a mild case for them then that’s all the better. I know different mental health conditions get labels, which is useful for treatment options, medications etc but I suspect it’s all one great big spectrum.

But having a GP check every month will not be helpful and taking away appointments for people that need them. I've had breast cancer, I live with two gene mutations it's part of my life and I'm at peace with it. You need to work on the health anxiety.

I think you are right @BerkshireRaces

Apologies a check every other month and not every month.

I wouldn't have a gp check every month, i know that is daft. I just feel i need constant reassurance, which is stupid. I dont know anyone else who is like this. My pals cant understand it, dh just keeps saying i need to talk to someone. But everyone i talk to is sympathetic but doesn't get it.

This is lovely thoughtful advice but depending on what’s going on, it could make this much worse. It would for me. I mustn’t wait, I must not try to think myself better.

I know it’s important I don’t project my experience onto this op but I really think the only advice is GP isn’t helping you, you need more specialist help - CMHT.

The trouble is i get reassurance from the gp about one thing then im soon onto something else and start worrying and catastrophising about that.
Its exhausting and it ruins my life when i have it.

You have my every sympathy op, I have HA and lumpy boobs was my ‘thing’ about 3 years ago. I’ve been to the breast clinic 4 times and only one time was there anything that they could feel and thankfully a scan identified it as a fatty lump.

What works for you? I was on sertraline for about 2 years and found it really helpful - others I know found this not to work for them and had other medication. Talking therapy is good; CBT led to me having a diagnosis of GAD, specifically HA.

There are worry apps that basically you write your worries in and then after using the app you ‘forget’ about them until next time; I didn’t find these useful because if I wasn’t having a bad worry day, the app would make me worry!

Mindfulness colouring can be a good one, or going for a walk, or what about having a tidy round to try and distract yourself?

Is there anything that triggers you to worry more? Stress maybe? I find that if I have alcohol, even though I’m not on medication anymore, it really increases my anxiety so I try to avoid it.

Have you gotten round to taking about the big bad major thing (or things) that may be behind this health anxiety to your counsellor yet?

I ask because my pal has talked about a few things to her counsellor but not the one thing I know is behind all her problems. Shes put it in the too difficult box. Until she gets to it she will keep going round in circles.

I’d defo ask the gp to increase your meds. They take about a month to kick in. And for him/her to come up with a strategy about how to know when to worry about breast problems so you can follow that guidance and be reassured. by it and not need a breast check every couple of months.

Previous posters are right that the repeat GP visits and reassurance seeking won't help.
I've had OCD for many years and the reassurance thing only works briefly then your back to it.
I'm not saying you have OCD but maybe the principles are the same as it's all anxiety. It's about learning to tolerate uncertainty.
Don't get me wrong it's fu**ing hard and something I still struggle with intermittently, probably always will.
I'd suggest looking into ERP therapy ideas and personally for me I've found info/resources from Bryony Gordon and Shannon Shy hugely helpful.
Sending hugs. Xx

Im sure i have OCD. And i find living with uncertainty is terrifying. I tried setraline a few years ago and it gave me an extremely rare side effect that led to months of waiting for a procedure with a horrible consultant which only increased my HA a hundred fold. Its taken me 3 years to try meds again and im on citalopram. Which needs increased as its not doing anything yet.
Nothing works for this. I don't have a counsellor. The various gps have all given me advice which is a bit useless so far. CBT didn't address anything.
I feel at my wits end with this.

Ive never tried ERP therapy. I'll look into this.

Oh bless you I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling - I used to have HA and went through a lumpy boob phase. By the time I was sent for a mammogram I was literally black and blue from prodding myself.

It’s not your boobs - it’s your anxiety. And it’s AWFUL.

Definitely increase your Citalopram - I had to hit 30mg to get any relief, and once that was working the CBT finally got through to my poor exhausted brain.

Hang on in there xx

I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that reassurance makes OCD worse. I’m sure health anxiety and OCD are very closely linked. Could you fill out a form for your GP asking for referral to mental health as you feel you need specialist support for your symptoms. I would be astonished if they refused you.