Help. In the grip of health anxiety.

[ssd]

I hate this. Am currently feeling sick and very on edge with anxiety over lumpy boobs. I dont think i can feel any changes but i honesty dont know. Have prodded and checked myself so much the last few days boobs are now sore. Have been to gp with this many times over the years. Also had mammogram as part of screening programme. Always been ok. Gp told me i have lumpy boobs which is common apparently.
Am absolutely terrified of cancer, dont want to say why.
The gp has no appointments till 4 july.

I feel im on the edge just now.

Any help appreciated. Please dont scare me.

Maybe diarise once a month?

why the fixation on your breasts? Do you have a family history?

IME, GPs aren’t great at breast exams. They’re far more interested in changes that you have noticed because you know your body best. If there are no changes, the check by a doctor is largely pointless.

HA is a form of OCD.

the problem is the only offered treatment is CBT. It didn’t work for me.

Thanks. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry the treatment they offered didn’t help. There seems such a middle ground missing between services offered by GP and full on psychiatric care. It’s really shitty to be sitting in that gap.

Please dont say that.

Its the only thing that reassures me.

I'm glad to hear increasing citalopram helped you. I will increase if the gp lets me, im on the lowest dose.
I cant think of anything else just now, its like anxiety has taken over my brain. I feel a bit numb.

I probably didn’t explain it well. A GP is a middle man. Their job is to refer you to secondary care if it’s warranted. If you’re going in ‘for a check’ they’ll give it to you but they don’t know if it’s normal for you or not. It is important to report changes and only you know your body that well. It’s important for you to report changes properly.

CBT wasn’t helpful for me either but psychodynamic therapy did help. It’s not a short term solution though.

When and why did this start? There's a part of your subconscious mind that believes this – constantly checking your breasts – is important. It's wrong (obviously) but in order to stop it it would be really helpful, although not vital, to know when it started and what the trigger was.

I dont really know @Eyesopenwideawake .
I've always been anxious but not specifically with my health. Its definitely got worse since perimenopause, when my periods went haywire. And of course getting older I've lost friends and co workers all to cancer. Its anything at all to do with cancer that triggers me.

Hi @ssd Im in the same boat at the moment.

It all started when I had pain and burning down below. Thus has gone on for over 2 months now but my anxiety around it really escalated last week.

I went to a GP crying and she asked what I was so worried about and I said ovarian cancer so she said “ok let’s do the blood test to reassure you” which made me spiral even more. Waiting for the results and I am a mess.

Restarted any anxiety meds on Wednesday and really feeling the side effects. Have had to call in sick to work today because of it.

It’s utter torture - people go through tests and operations etc all the time and cope ok. Why can’t I be more like them?

my dd recently had surgery - very routine and I convinced myself she would die on the table. It’s not right.

This may not be helpful but I used to worry about cancer. Then I got diagnosed with something else and ended up in hospital. What this taught me is that even if there is something wrong you are way more resilient than you think, there's always a plan, and you just keep going.

It's not reality that is actually scary, the brain actually kicks into survival mode when something is wrong and it protects you, it's the fear that is scary. When you really realise this, you realise that you have a choice where to direct your focus I.e. living in the present and focusing on where to direct your time.

That is very wise @WindySkiesAtNight . I feel you are spot on. Its the fear of something i am terrified of. I feel real anxiety about that.
@KatiesbigsisterSue , i feel the same as you. I'm sorry you feel like this too.

Sorry I have to disagree. The reality is scary. I've had four major surgeries due to cancer and expect more in my future. You learn to live with it.

Im sorry to hear that @Mercurial123 . I imagine over time you do learn to live with it and it becomes a way if life. I wish you all the best🌺

I got a referral to a specialist so im waiting for an appointment. Hopefully it wont be too long. I'm working on keeping it together and getting on with it, whatever happens. Im trying to grow resilience and be kind to myself in the meanwhile.
Thank you so much for everyone taking the time to post here, it really helps to know its not just me, although i dont wish thisvin anyone. Its horrible. And makes me feel so stupid.

I really feel for you I’ve been in almost the exact same place, and I know how scary it is when your mind won’t stop spinning with "what ifs." The more I checked and prodded, the worse the soreness got, which only added fuel to the fear it’s a horrible cycle.

My doctor also told me I had lumpy breast tissue, and at first, that didn’t help much with the anxiety… but over time, I learned how to manage the thoughts around it, which made a huge difference.

I completely understand your fear and you’re not alone in this. There are ways to get back a sense of peace, even while waiting for appointments.

I was considering EMDR therapy. I think it works well when there has been trauma - one of my DC was very unwell when they were wee. Very unexpected, very rare illness. Which she survived with no significant lasting effects…at the time we just got on with it, we had no other option but it was horrendous. Afterwards I tried to find support for parents who had gone through similar and the only groups etc were for those who had suffered a bereavement. So I think I internalised it.

2 years later, a year after she was discharged from her surgeon and a year after her final MRI, my health anxiety totally spiralled. And since then it’s been very up and down.

My mum also suffered from HA and she also had poor mental health in other ways and it has an impact on my childhood (although I was so loved and well taken care of)

So maybe trauma sits behind some of my issues.