Have I got executive dysfunction or am I just lazy?

[Mooflon12]

What is the difference?

I'm sat here right now physically unable to go in the shower. I absolutely need to, I will feel awful tomorrow if I don't but it doesn't seem enough to get me in there. The kitchen is a mess - not bad enough I couldn't sort it in about 30 mins if I just got on with it but I can't bring myself to do that either. I feel physically stuck. The thought of doing it gives me a tight feeling of dread in my stomach.

I don't feel like it all the time but it's enough of the time that my life feels out of control. When it's something that involves the kids and their wellbeing I just get on with it even with the feeling (it just might take me a bit longer like I'm in slow motion) If it's something I need to do for myself I just can't sometimes.

It doesn't feel like laziness. If someone told me if I got ready right now I could go on a rollercoaster or go body boarding or something else fun I'd do it immediately. But going in the shower just to function as a normal clean human being makes it feel like my body is full of lead. I wish I could actually truly put it in to words how I feel. I can already hear all the judgement in the comments now 😂

I don't even know what I want from this post I just felt like I needed to write it down. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I want to be one of those people who just get on with life and don't seem to struggle with the most basic of tasks. I was on Sertraline for around 4 years and I think I still got the feeling but I didn't worry about having the feeling if that makes sense. I don't think it helped me to actually do the things I felt unable to.

And then just as quickly as this feeling comes it'll go after a few days and I will just get on with stuff. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason or triggers it just washes over me randomly. It's been happening my whole life and I can still remember the many arguments about tidying my room or doing my homework without being able to explain to my parents why I wasn't doing what I was asked. These periods of time I also get very irritable, tired (like to my bones tired) and feel very socially withdrawn.

Am I mad or just a human with a dumb brain?

Do you find it easier to do something if you’re accountable to someone or you have a deadline?

Sounds like executive dysfunction.

Laziness is a conscious choice - I have dishes in the sink but I’m not going to do them because I CBA, I’d rather sit here and watch tv. With laziness, there’s an element of enjoying it.

Executive dysfunction is knowing I HAVE to do the dishes, it’s imperative I do them now and I really want to do them, but I physically can’t gather the mental motivation to get up and do it. There’s no enjoyment in it at all; in fact, it’s actually very distressing.

100%
If I know someone is coming over I'll rush around cleaning and tidying like I'm getting paid millions to do it. But only when I've left it so I have a stupidly small amount of time to do it and have to panic.

Yes! Distressing is such a good word to describe how it makes me feel.

I want to scream at myself and I feel anxious, sad and frustrated but it's not enough to make me do it. I end up just sitting there with my face in my hands. When I feel like it I could genuinely sit for hours doing literally nothing instead of what I'm supposed to be doing.

I have an ADHD diagnosis and feel like this most of the time.

This is me

I've really considered it could be ADHD.

I started exploring the idea when women began talking about it more but unfortunately I'm surrounded by a lot of "oh everyone's got ADHD these days" kind of people and it's really hard to navigate it all with no real support.

How did you get your diagnosis and is there anything that has helped you?

I think it’s about motivation and energy - but maybe you’re also a bit depressed/anxious. Not enough that NOTHING is enjoyable, but enough to stop you doing the things that you maybe don’t feel motivated to do.

I’m like you, OP, and think it’s a mixture of low motivation and low energy (and sometimes mood), but I can become motivated very quickly into a much higher energy state by certain triggers (positive or negative).

I could have written this myself a few years ago.
Even when I got my ADHD diagnosis in my mid-forties, I thought I was being lazy.

Then a therapist said to me “when you’re not doing a thing, are you doing something fun instead, or do you get so mentally stuck on trying to make yourself do the thing that it drains all the fun out of even the fun stuff?”.

The latter is executive dysfunction. If it happens regularly, badly enough to have significant negative impact on your life, and over a long time frame (ie since childhood), it is likely that you have a root underlying cause, of which ADHD is only one. It’s a good idea to get help in that case.

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm SO glad I actually posted this. I've written it out so many times in one way or another and deleted it thinking I'm being stupid and everyone will call me lazy.

If you don't mind me asking what has helped you? I'm so ready to battle this thing now I don't want to spend the rest of my life being beaten by it.

You are not alone OP! I also could have written your post! Interesting about the ADHD comments as I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid (am now 46!) It might be something worth exploring?
How old are you as IME perimenopause makes these feelings worse!
I've heard of something called body doubling where you do chores at the same time as someone else online, it's meant to be very motivating.

Me and my DH have always joked that if we have an argument I will clean the house in record speed.

So yes a rapid change of my situation at the time can get me out of it - not always but it definitely has made a difference a few times!

I am also anxious a lot which of course isn't helped by knowing I have a ton of stuff to do that I physically don't feel like I can.

I could have written this pretty much word for word, OP. I assumed it was depression and/or laziness, but having read about women and ADD/ASD, I got a referral for assessment. I had no support in doing this, and had no one to tell, but that didn't make the dual diagnosis any less revealing. I am still struggling a lot, but I have some insight now I think.

I'm 32 - but have recently been diagnosed with PCOS (although mild) and I have always wondered if it could be related to hormones in some way!

I have heard of body doubling - I think for me it may help if it was done more like a competition? There is also an app I've seen that makes chores like games where you get rewards so that might be something for me to look into. Although I can see me now sat on the sofa staring at the app for an hour rather than doing the chores 🤦‍♀️

This has been such an eye opener for me - I'm so pleased for you that you managed to get yourself a diagnosis.

Im still no closer to getting in the shower or cleaning the kitchen but I'm going to look into getting myself some real help!

It's interesting that you said after a few days it kind of eases off and you're able to get stuff done again. Honestly does sound like it could be related to your cycle. Maybe keep a note of when it's bad! That way you can have a heads up and go easy on yourself when you feel like this.
Haha yeah anything phone based generally runs the risk of distraction!! 😂Hoping someone will be along with amazing tips soon! 😁

I cannot shower or clean unless adrenaline is involved ie someone is going to see the shit show or I have an appointment to attend.

There are some helpful posts by women on Instagram and TikTok, if you feel able to screen out the trash.

You can ask your GP for a right to choose assessment with a private company there is a Facebook group who post which company has the shortest waiting times. I'll find a link...

I'm also glad you posted. It's hell trying to make sense of your behaviour without knowing where it (may) stem from.

I know I keep saying it but I'm so so happy I posted.

Just reading that you need adrenaline involved - yes! I wouldn't have thought of it like that but it's exactly that. It's like my brain only allows me to function if Im panicking.

Thanks so much a link to the fb group would be great ❤️

I get this feeling,

I’m actually fine and enjoy it once I’m in the shower, but the journey from the sofa to being undressed in the bathroom I find inexplicably intolerable.

It’s like I’m stuck down in glue.

I’ve considered exploring whether I have ADHD as lots of my friends joke that I do and it’s very prevalent in males in my family. I think comparatively though my struggles feel very minor, I have a good job, a house and a husband. So as previous posters have said I worry that I just think I do because it seems to be everywhere.

You can ask anything you want!

I haven’t beaten all my demons, but some things do help, for sure.

1. Use momentum. “I’ll do just one plate/knife/fork today, I can do the rest tomorrow “. Before I know it I’ve done all of it. Book early appointments on days off, but for shortish things that make you feel good.
2. Wingman. Find a cheerleader and hear how great you are. Ultimately you need to replace the idiotic internal bully with a hype man if you’re to motivate yourself out of it, as success begets success. But unfortunately, that’s hard. But I can think what my best cheerleader would tell me. Use their voice instead of yours.
3. meds. And meds. MEDS! If ADHD is your issue, did you know that stimulant medication for ADHD is the most effective mental health medication by miles and miles? Worth a try.
4. Figure out what overwhelms you in your life and stop/alter/replace those things. Executive dysfunction increases with overwhelm, so if the headphones/saying no/wearing sunglasses/being well rested helps you feel more relaxed, then they’ll also help you to do your washing up in a round about way. Be kind to yourself.

Right to choose if you're in England:

www.facebook.com/share/g/1BYWJmSJ1c/?mibextid=K35XfP

Late diagnosed women:

www.facebook.com/share/g/1DkBDbZcqs/?mibextid=K35XfP

It started for me about 10 years ago when I just randomly came across a thing somewhere on the internet about ADHD. I think I knew someone who had it when I was younger and I was just being nosey about symptoms etc.

As I was reading through it felt like a revelation about how I'd felt all my life. I had it in the back of my mind and then of course in the last few years it's really blown up on SM and then the inevitable happened and everyone began picking it all apart and unfortunately a lot of people I know personally were finding it all very funny how "everyone" now has it.

I really pushed down thinking about it anymore as it made me feel silly but after this tonight I know I'm not just making it up and it's helped to push me to want to do something about it. I've always known there was something not quite right and I need to trust my instincts! It may be exactly the same for you and luckily we're just recognising ourselves in these brave people who do post about it!

I was just going to say ADHD shows up in childhood and then read your post about feeling it all your life.

A diagnosis and meds can be so life changing, definitely worth looking into ( I know it can be hard to find the motivation to do so!)

I'm now sat here sobbing with relief from all of your replies and support. It's nearly 11pm and I'm still not in the shower but I honestly already feel like a weight has been lifted just writing it out and hearing I'm not actually just a terrible human 😘

Thank you all so much!