Have I got executive dysfunction or am I just lazy?

[Mooflon12]

What is the difference?

I'm sat here right now physically unable to go in the shower. I absolutely need to, I will feel awful tomorrow if I don't but it doesn't seem enough to get me in there. The kitchen is a mess - not bad enough I couldn't sort it in about 30 mins if I just got on with it but I can't bring myself to do that either. I feel physically stuck. The thought of doing it gives me a tight feeling of dread in my stomach.

I don't feel like it all the time but it's enough of the time that my life feels out of control. When it's something that involves the kids and their wellbeing I just get on with it even with the feeling (it just might take me a bit longer like I'm in slow motion) If it's something I need to do for myself I just can't sometimes.

It doesn't feel like laziness. If someone told me if I got ready right now I could go on a rollercoaster or go body boarding or something else fun I'd do it immediately. But going in the shower just to function as a normal clean human being makes it feel like my body is full of lead. I wish I could actually truly put it in to words how I feel. I can already hear all the judgement in the comments now 😂

I don't even know what I want from this post I just felt like I needed to write it down. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I want to be one of those people who just get on with life and don't seem to struggle with the most basic of tasks. I was on Sertraline for around 4 years and I think I still got the feeling but I didn't worry about having the feeling if that makes sense. I don't think it helped me to actually do the things I felt unable to.

And then just as quickly as this feeling comes it'll go after a few days and I will just get on with stuff. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason or triggers it just washes over me randomly. It's been happening my whole life and I can still remember the many arguments about tidying my room or doing my homework without being able to explain to my parents why I wasn't doing what I was asked. These periods of time I also get very irritable, tired (like to my bones tired) and feel very socially withdrawn.

Am I mad or just a human with a dumb brain?

Yes, it sounds exactly like executive dysfunction. I have Cerebral Palsy and this is one of my neurological symptoms
I can see what needs doing, but I have no clue where to start, so I don't Then I kick myself for being unable to do it like everyone else can
My DS1 stuck a daily routines list on my fridge which really helps
it breaks tasks right down. Such as wash and dry, put it away or even tidy coffee table( I have baskets to help it look tidy)
If I'm told where to start, I can finish it, but without instructions I'm lost
i write lists of everything I need to do on my phone.
It makes it easier that I get instant results.
You are NOT lazy, your brain is wired differently that's all.

Sometimes I think I should go for consultation to genuinely see and then it will be over. I feel like a lot of people go through diagnosis sure they have it and wanting the confirmation/clarity on it.

I did once email my GP but I missed the call from them and couldn’t cope with calling them back so I waited a few days and then couldn’t cope with the embarrassment of getting back in touch.

re : showering in particular - I’ve tried so many things, offering myself a reward after, the only thing that actually works is an immediate social occasion or (and I accept this is a bit out there) but I will sometimes drink loads of water and then it forces me into the bathroom. Once I’m in there it feels easier.

Sometimes, when I need to do something, I let my sister know. Then I have to do it because if she asks, I don’t want to sound lazy and say I haven’t done it.
would something like that help? Or tell us.
Another method I learned was to do a countdown 3..2..1 then just get up and do it with no more thinking about it.

Sounds very much like ADHD. I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago by this doctor:

adhdconsultancy.co.uk/

The good news is that ADHD is very treatable - the meds really work.

I know what you mean about people making comments along the lines of everyone having ADHD these days. It's annoying. Ignore them. It's a disabling condition and a diagnosis leads to treatment. What's more, it has only been possible to diagnose adults since 2008 and people are learning more about it from social media, so it's not surprising there is a massive backlog.

Yes, great stuff. And the also bizarrely effective, ‘saying it out loud’. “Verilynaught, on the count of three you’re going to get up and walk to the opposite side of the room. 1…2…”

Oh I really feel for you, I've been through so much self-doubt and self-criticism about all this.

Even after I got my ADHD diagnosis it's taken a long time to fully accept it and 'forgive' myself (well it's still a work in progress really).

Showering does seem to be a common issue, it's a transition thing I think.

My tips:

-I find baths easier than showers (though I do tend to end up then 'stuck' in the bath as I don't like the transition out!)
-try to plan to shower immediately after exercise when I'm hot and sweaty and a shower seems more appealing. I have to go for a run then go STRAIGHT to the shower - otherwise I can get distracted and then I'll be still be in my running gear and stinky hours later.
-accept sometimes it is just too much and have options like wipes, dry shampoo etc, because it's better to be clean-ish.

For the housework:

-If I'm feeling stuck, I set a 5 minute timer and see how much I can get done. Often that's all I need to get over the stuck-ness and I will then carry on
-I save up podcasts to listen to when tidying up as I find things like emptying the dishwasher absolutely mind-numbing and my brain starts shouting at me unless it's occupied.
-get a cleaner! It is actually not so much the fact that they clean, it's that it creates a deadline for tidying up. Most of my tidying happens frantically in the hour before the cleaner arrives.
-for the same reason, I invite people round to the house purely to force myself to tidy up.
-Buy extra school uniform, sports kit etc. I've felt SO terrible when the kids have missed a swimming lesson because I only discovered the swimming kit is still sitting soggy in a bag from the previous week. Extra set of swimwear is worth the investment.

Just make a list.
(I'm being sarcastic. Got told this by both a mental health nurse and clinical psychologist when trying to explain how I cannot physically do stressful but important things anymore and how this was having a debilitating effect on my life and ability to parent, and the guilt and frustration making my mental health worse which makes the executive function worse..)

I'm also like this and also every day I tell myself today is the day I stop. And I never do. I'm fed up with the guilt and misery.

My ds is just getting assessed for adhd and I was asked to attend an appointment with him for background (he's 26 now). The diagnosing psychiatrist said, words to the effect, that people should be kind and understanding to adhd people. I think that's worth remembering. Be kind and understanding to yourself.

Everyone who is "just lazy" has some neurological and/or psychological cluster of variables that generate their "laziness".
So many of us seem to have have an aspiration to achieve some diagnostic or quasi-diagnostic framing for our difficulties because, in the short term at least, this makes us feel better, less guilty.
But what does this medicalising framing mean, really? Unless you are someone significantly disabled, it just seems like a way of preserving self-esteem in the face of your own imperfections.
Surely it is better just to have self-compassion, the kind of self-compassion that is readily expandable to other people who are having difficulties. The current fashion for labelling just seems like an abandonment of the idea that we are all fallible and we all deserve compassion, without the need to seek a label giving us special extra rights to other people's patience and respect.

Oh bog off.

Tell me you don't know about adhd without telling me you don't know about adhd.

People who are adhd should try to be kinder to themselves because they're usually wracked with guilt. Compounded by ignorant arses rushing to judgment in order to feel superior.

Did that make you feel better writing all of that out? I hope so 😘