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Original poster

I’m a waste of space

42 replies

Strawred · 28/05/2025 13:44

Who can’t cope with their asd child so turns to drink. That’s it really. Sat here a bit tipsy (I know, a Wednesday afternoon) because the only way I don’t have a breakdown is if I’ve got that relaxed feeling from alcohol

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Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 14:17

And my child is fine by the way

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Sandy792 · 28/05/2025 14:38

Do you think you might have ASD too OP? It tends to run in families. Either way it sounds like you are completely over whelmed and struggling to cope. How old is your child? What behaviours in particular are you struggling with?

The alcohol is a slippery slope OP you really don't want to get to the point where it's controlling you. It's not the support it feels like it is. Please, please be careful and tip the rest away so you don't have too much today and don't even think about driving.

You're not a waste of space but you need to stop seeing alcohol as helpful and see it as another looming problem. You need help and support, how old is your child?

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 14:43

@Sandy792 thank you for not judging me. He’s 4. Four times today already he’s smeared poo all over himself and the walls. He never leaves me alone. Bathed him twice and both times he’s flooded the bathroom. Nothing is simple with him. I don’t get a minute in the day

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Readytohealnow · 28/05/2025 15:05

You are NOT a waste of space OP. You are dealing with something absolutely awful that you would never have signed up to in a million years and you need compassion and support, not judgement. You have been dealt an absolutely SHIT hand in the card game of parenting. Cut yourself some slack.
No, drink isn't the answer, but you know that. You are struggling and you need help. Please visit your doctor, who can help you and point you in the direction of support services for your child. I know they are few and far between but at least get yourself into the system.

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 15:09

@Readytohealnow Thank you so much❤️

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nearlylovemyusername · 28/05/2025 15:16

What @Readytohealnow said, 100%

OP, your child should start SEN school soon and you'll get some respite then, at least a few hours a day in school term. You're dealing with truly awful situation, be kind to yourself.

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 15:36

Thank you I just struggle so much😭 it’s harder than I could have ever imagined in so many different ways

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Gummy7 · 28/05/2025 16:03

Sending you a hug @Strawred 💜, you're dealing with a lot so it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed. Alcohol isn't the answer though, as you know already, so I hope you reach out for help. You are not a waste of space, just a mum who is struggling in very difficult circumstances.

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:04

@Gummy7 thank you so much you’ve made me tear up🤣 I just wish I knew what the answer was. A virtual hug off a stranger means so much

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SevernWonders · 28/05/2025 16:09

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. I work in a SEN school and we all acknowledge how tough it is for parents in the holidays when they have their DCs home for such a long time with often not much help.

Agix · 28/05/2025 16:13

You are dealing with a lot more than many people have to. You are not a waste of space. You're a human coping with a very hard situation.

The drink won't help you though, not really. I know you know that. Could you make an effort to knock it on the head? Or see a GP about it if you think you'll struggle? You deserve better than it, and I promise stopping it will be worth it in the long run.

Littlemissbubbles · 28/05/2025 16:15

Oh hon, you’re so not a waste of space, I’m sure you’re a great mum who is just struggling to cope.
Im the same, I’m desperately trying to cut down, but it’s really much, much harder than I thought it would be. My advice to you, at least you’re aware, try distraction, try really flavoured drinks, kombucha ( this was suggested to me on another thread). I know you’re ridiculously busy, but try breaking your routine. It does help. Seeking professional help is the real answer. Do find the time.

babystarsandmoon · 28/05/2025 16:19

Pour the drinks away as they will only make things so much worse and harder to deal with.

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:20

Please can anybody help me. My partner has come home from work and has shouted at me for having a drink. I really don’t know where to turn. I feel like jumping off a fucking bridge. I’m so sorry to talk to this way but I’ve had enough. I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve tried everything. Literally everything. My life has gone to shit and I can’t get it back

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Sandy792 · 28/05/2025 16:21

OP that sounds shit, literally! Is he in nursery/school? You really need that to be happening fulltime to give you something of a break. Have you had any help from an OT? The smearing might be sensory and an OT might be able to help with that. Is there a way to prevent your DS from accessing the poo? wearing something backwards perhaps that he can't get into - although pooing 4 times a day seems a lot. Is it possible he's constipated and leaking poo? That might be worth looking into as well.

Sandy792 · 28/05/2025 16:22

Op just seen your latest post - can you tell him you're struggling to cope and need some help and support? Will he be understanding?

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:24

@Sandy792 I’ve tried but it doesn’t help. Even before kids he’s never been the emotional type. I could sit and cry to him and I’d get no sympathy. The only way I can end this shit is to disappear for ever. Thats either ending my life or walking away. Walking away seems harder as id be walking away from my children with purpose

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Readytohealnow · 28/05/2025 16:24

Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:20

Please can anybody help me. My partner has come home from work and has shouted at me for having a drink. I really don’t know where to turn. I feel like jumping off a fucking bridge. I’m so sorry to talk to this way but I’ve had enough. I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve tried everything. Literally everything. My life has gone to shit and I can’t get it back

Edited

Rathe than shout at you, your partner needs to be HELPING YOU. Does he get to just swan off to work all day and leave you with this shit show to handle at home, day in, day out? Dare I say he is part of the problem. Offer to switch places. I bet he wouldn't last a week!

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:26

I’ve told my partner I’m go

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Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:32

I’ve told my partner I’m going to my parents for tea but I’m not, I’m going to the park for a walk. But what is the point in returning. I’d take my own life if I didn’t think I’d break so many hearts

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Readytohealnow · 28/05/2025 16:38

Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:32

I’ve told my partner I’m going to my parents for tea but I’m not, I’m going to the park for a walk. But what is the point in returning. I’d take my own life if I didn’t think I’d break so many hearts

Edited

Read that back OP. You would break so many hearts. You are loved, you are needed and you ARE worth the space you take up on Earth. And that is not just to be a carer to this child. Because you are YOU. You are unique and special, just for that, and you are bigger than this.
Can you indeed go to your parents' and let them feed you, and give you some time away? Are they caring? Do they realise what you are having to live with? I do hope you have some RL support.

mickandrorty · 28/05/2025 16:38

Ask for this to be moved or repost on the alcohol support board there's a lot of people over there who will have good advice.

alcoholnightmare · 28/05/2025 16:38

And the fact you know you’d break so many hearts must show you you’re not a waste of space?
can you ask your partner to have son for a whole day - either you go out or they do? You need a break I think.
don’t be so hard on yourself, but start standing up and vocalising what you need from child’s dad.
x

Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:38

I didn’t want this for my life. I wanted 2 children which I have but one has severe issues that are too complex for me to handle. People have said “oh god has only given these to people who are strong enough to deal with” well I’m not religious neither am I strong enough

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Original poster
Strawred · 28/05/2025 16:40

I have my mum and dad who are amazing people. They help me physically and mentally. But there is only so much they can do

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