Has anyone else had this happen? TW suicide

[SheldonandAmyFarahFowler]

I made a serious attempt on my life 30 years ago but was unexpectedly disturbed and it was touch and go but I survived that.
I’ve now been suicidal for the last couple of years but haven’t acted on any plans.

I dreamt last night that I was in a mountainous country and I jumped off the top of a mountain. There was no chance of survival and I felt relieved and calm on the way down which took about 20 seconds. I can’t remember what happened when I landed but I wasn’t hurt (as it was a dream).

Has anyone else dreamt that they have taken their own lives as this is the first time it has happened to me in my 30+ years of MH struggles and it has unsettled me to have actually taken the final step?

@SheldonandAmyFarahFowler sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

I am not sure I can help with the dream, this is not something I have experienced.

Are you receiving help / support for your mental health? Are people aware that you feel like this?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wish you the very best, OP.

💐

The dream may have been symbolic rather than literal...

If you play with the dream's imagery, feelings and sensations - mountain, climbing it, jumping off ... what comes to mind? Associations ....? How does it relate to your life or inner world?

Just sayin ... :)

Thanks @Pineappledancer. I am getting help but they don’t know how bad I feel.

The main thing I remember is the feeling of relief that I had done it and it would all be over soon.

@SheldonandAmyFarahFowler

I am so glad you are getting help. Do you think you would be able to tell them how bad you really feel?

No, I don’t want to tell anyone as it has consequences and I don’t want to be sectioned again.

Yes, when things are bad for me, I have recurring dreams about actively finding high places to jump from. I don't know much about dream interpretation but I would take such dreams about feeling the need to escape from something.

I have nothing to suggest, but I hope the help you are getting makes things easier for your soon

Dreams of falling, jumping or flying are very common. Virtually everyone experiences them.
It doesn't mean anything at all.

You won't be sectioned for talking about chronic suicidal feelings with no immediate plans.

It's actually extremely common (over 90%) for people who have accidentally survived jumping to recall instantly feeling terrible regret & terror that it was too late to change their minds.

Are dreams of committing suicide common though?
I have been told that I am at risk of being sectioned because of my psychiatric history so I wouldn’t disclose any plans.
I remember the sad story of Beth Mathews who survived jumping and suffered terrible life changing injuries until she eventually managed to take her life while she was in The Priory.