I have had bad mental health for years, since my late teens, I'm early 30s now and have a 3yo DS who is literally my only reason for living but even I suck at that. He is suspected to be autistic and non verbal and is very challenging. I'm constantly losing my temper, I'm always so anxious and upset and I spend a lot of my time crying. I actually think I may have bi polar but I feel like the doctor will laugh at me. I have days where I feel full of confidence and I feel like I can rip a tree out of the ground, then I have days where I literally feel like someone has died. The bad days are more frequent. Today had been a bad day, I do have a lot going on and stresses in my life that I can't really go into right now but my logical brain can see that even these things doesn't warrant my reactions. Everything feels so bleak all the time and I just want to get through one day without crying my eyes out and imagining my families life without me in it. I'm always moaning and whining about how I feel and I'm just a burden to everyone. I love my son so much and I can't bare the thought of not being here to love him but I also can't bare the thought of living this life anymore. Theres no joy, no happiness, just misery. This is all about of a mess and a rant but I have no one to tell this too and no one believes me anyway.