I am so unhappy in my life, I feel like I cant continue without support, but I have none.

[13MAPARTHELL]

Im deeply unhappy about my circumstances, I realistically had no idea just how little support I would actually have as a parent. I have been at my knees since they were born, with issue after issue and it has been nothing short, of a terrible experience all around.

I have never had a break from my kids, not even once. I seek out support in some way, literally desperate from my mum, who has no interest in helping, but actually becomes angry at me and just continues to belittle me, as she always has done.

Money issues have been pretty awful on top of that, and I have lost every single friendship at this point, as I dont have the capacity to have friendships.

I cannot cope with my children alone, I cannot drive, I have no money, I am in debt, my partner works long hours and falls asleep with the kids, and im left to do everything once again for the 10th time that day, weekends he is moody as he is not used to the hell that is looking after our children, I can barely sustain my own job due to issues with childcare/sickness.

i feel completely disconnected from myself, from my children and just exsisting until they are more self sufficient. I will never have a family holiday, I will never own anything, I will probably always despise my partner, I will never have friends who have meet ups and kids that play together in the garden during BBQs.

I cant come to terms with quite how polar opposite my life with children is to everyone else I know with kids, and a good family to enjoy them with, I just cant offer them a decent childhood

I feel like ending my life, my partner will meet someone new who probably has this and my kids will thrive, I dont have the personal qualities to be a mother to my autistic child and he deserves more than me, and the absolute nothingness that I have to offer him and his brother.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling OP, no matter how bad things may seem right now please remember your children are never going to be better off without their mum.

There are lots of steps you can take to start to change things if & when you are ready to, there is always a better path forward, but you have to be here to find out where that path goes. X

I’m so sorry you are in this situation OP. I had a similar awful time when my children were little, with no support, no money and a useless husband. The only thing I would say is that while none of those things have changed much (and I am still completely on my own with doing everything), it does get easier as the kids get older because the kids become so much easier. They get ill less, they are more independent etc. Please don’t think you offer your children nothing the fact you are writing this and are so worried for them shows what an amazing mother you are. I know it is hard, my son has some special needs too. But you really will come through this xxx

I'm so sorry, OP. I completely agree with the above, your children will never be better off without you. Please go and see your GP, they can help you with accessing support 💐
In terms of practical support, have a look at the gov website as to what your local authority runs in terms of respite care for your child with autism, to give yourself a small break. It's lifesaving when you're doing it alone (which it effectively sounds like you are), and my DD always enjoyed the sessions our local council offered. Apply for short-term care for your child - GOV.UK

I am so sorry, OP.

A small practical suggestion- get in touch with Homestart and get matched with a volunteer. Someone to support you and hang out with you and enjoy your kids with you for one morning or afternoon a week- it can make a huge difference.

Thank you so much, I am looking into this now x

So sorry you're feeling like this. I know we're strangers but I really hope you keep going, get help and see things start to turn around soon. I have been at rock bottom and I am so glad I asked for help from GP etc as things did get better, much better. I have hope for you.

I really hope it gives you a little help. It was a wonderful organisation when I was involved, a little while ago now.

Thank you, I am making an appointment first thing tomorrow morning to discuss with the GP, my childs assessment has been cancelled 3 times, where I then have to wait months again, its honestly making me feel im in crisis, as I have no idea what I am dealing with here, although suspected ASD, I cant even tell you how horrific the behaviour is, ive lashed out today, and my youngest was terrified of me, so many emotions currently

We're so sorry you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when threads like this are flagged to us – we like to link to some ideas for support. We have some more information about postnatal depression, here.

We also wanted to share Mind’s information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.
Please do think about exploring some of the options in the links above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

OP hang in there,it can get better. Have you considered anti depressants?

Make sure the GP appointment tomorrow is about you and getting yourself support, but if you can make another, ask the GP about the right to choose scheme. It's completely free and NHS funded, but you skip the waitlist. Right to Choose CYP Autism (ASD) & ADHD assessments with Held Health in support of the NHS — Held Health have a whole guide on it, and hold assessments. You'll have to go to one of their in person centres, but you'll get an assessment in a max of 8 weeks x

How old are your DC? Tell us about them?

I have felt similar when my children were younger. Life can be very overwhelming, a few months of anti depressants made a huge difference. 💐

Unsure how old your children are , but my health visitor was excellent when my second baby was born and I was struggling with mood and had no support .
All the best x
Sure start used to be great but unsure they exist anymore .
Home start ?
www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/our-programmes?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADh0tmO0icniQ8xM6ZzD4al0KisME&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzYLABhD4ARIsALySuCT44oiiTEVPNWL9vGVJ2zxtZtjiK6BdRZkAtnYEteN4pJfExHZO2v4aAvclEALw_wcB

sorry for the late response! I forgot I dont have notifications! They are 4 and 3 *

tough ages!

• [names removed by MNHQ]