Hi all,
just came on here because don’t really know where else to turn- my family doesn’t understand and I’m not burdening others like friends with it.
my mental health has got really really bad. The state of the country mixed with my past experiences, abuse, etc it’s all snowballed and I’ve had a breakdown. I don’t want to be here anymore- my hobbies don’t even give me joy anymore and everything is pointless it seems. I’m hated by pretty much everyone & life feels so hard like driving up Mount Everest in a breaking down car. I do try, I really really do because it’s a very common misconception- lack of effort! You’re not trying hard enough! Yes people have said that to me. I try to do stuff and have hope- but nothing fills the void. I’m surrounded by people but constantly feel alone and comparing to other people. I have no loving partner, no holidays away or companionship. I dont have any of this lovely stuff I see on social media. I am on my own and feel I’m drowning. I keep trying to improve life but I still feel the same. I was shoved on a waiting list for therapy told it would be this year, chased it up and it won’t be this year now!
in the meantime I have nothing. Crisis lines help in the moment knowing they’re there but they don’t do anything. Just a robotic nature script and when I’ve told them the problems I’m facing the conversation is over! People say reach out for help but where is the help?! I really would have topped myself by now long ago it’s just the fear of the unknown and the finality of it.
nobody understands me or the abuse I’ve been through since childhood it’s shaped my brain abnormally and I’m meant to trust people and carry on in society, I’ve had enough. Everyone cares about everyone but me
i had to rant before I lose my marbles altogether
life just isn’t fair, especially the state of the country now I feel sorry for so many people suffering
the World would be happier if I was dead