Don’t wanna be here anymore

[BeNimbleDenimRobin]

Hi all,
just came on here because don’t really know where else to turn- my family doesn’t understand and I’m not burdening others like friends with it.
my mental health has got really really bad. The state of the country mixed with my past experiences, abuse, etc it’s all snowballed and I’ve had a breakdown. I don’t want to be here anymore- my hobbies don’t even give me joy anymore and everything is pointless it seems. I’m hated by pretty much everyone & life feels so hard like driving up Mount Everest in a breaking down car. I do try, I really really do because it’s a very common misconception- lack of effort! You’re not trying hard enough! Yes people have said that to me. I try to do stuff and have hope- but nothing fills the void. I’m surrounded by people but constantly feel alone and comparing to other people. I have no loving partner, no holidays away or companionship. I dont have any of this lovely stuff I see on social media. I am on my own and feel I’m drowning. I keep trying to improve life but I still feel the same. I was shoved on a waiting list for therapy told it would be this year, chased it up and it won’t be this year now!
in the meantime I have nothing. Crisis lines help in the moment knowing they’re there but they don’t do anything. Just a robotic nature script and when I’ve told them the problems I’m facing the conversation is over! People say reach out for help but where is the help?! I really would have topped myself by now long ago it’s just the fear of the unknown and the finality of it.
nobody understands me or the abuse I’ve been through since childhood it’s shaped my brain abnormally and I’m meant to trust people and carry on in society, I’ve had enough. Everyone cares about everyone but me
i had to rant before I lose my marbles altogether
life just isn’t fair, especially the state of the country now I feel sorry for so many people suffering
the World would be happier if I was dead

Please don’t harm yourself. I can’t imagine how much pain you are in at the moment but you matter and there are people who care for you, it’s just faulty perspectives and negative thoughts clouding your judgement.

please contact your local crisis team again

I’m so sorry you feel this way, life can be so hard. Your resilience so far demonstrates what a wonderful, necessary contribution you make to the human race. Your sensitivity makes you one of the good guys and we need you.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you very best, OP.
💐

Do a day at a time. Just don't do anything drastic now.
Just get through what you are feeling today and tonight and see what tomorrow brings.

Things do change Op. Nothing stays shit ( or good) forever. Please just hang on and ride it out.

Also turn off the news. It's not your problem.

As a previous poster said , you sound lovely. We need the good guys. xx

Yes, another vote for ignoring the news. We need people who know things are bad, as they are the people who raise the overall level of love and care. Now is the time for self care. What helps, even a little bit? A cuppa? People on mumsnet reaching out to you? Sending hugs over the internet xxx

I’ve felt the same as you. Had plans to do it. Somehow managed to keep going and had therapy and feel better than I did. I suffered csa and I still struggle today but life is worth living. The things that happened affected me but I don’t want them to completely control me like they did. My therapist recommended yoga and it’s proven to help trauma. I thought she was barking, but it genuinely helps me as I listen to my body and I am a bit kinder to myself now. While waiting for therapy pls give it a try. And yes I can imagine you reading this and thinking it won’t help / I am missing the point about how awful you feel etc (I would have thought this when I was making plans) but pls try some yin / restorative / calm yoga. It could help you a little. Thinking of you and sending hugs x

If taking it a day at a time is too hard, take it minute by minute, hour by hour. You won't always feel like this, everything changes, nothing stays the same. I've been where you are a few times and come through it. See your GP about medication, it might need changing. For now, how about a nap, cuddling a hot water bottle or teddy or something comforting. Then when you wake, a long hot bath, find something funny online like YouTube to watch for half an hour. Eat something nice. By that time it'll be time to go to bed. In the morning you can ask for an urgent GP appointment. Medication really can help you to view things differently. I'm not saying that's for you but just something to think about. The world will be a sadder place without you in so pleased take care - you matter 🌹

Another vote for not listening to the news. It’s 24/7 to keep journalists in work and mostly does not affect us. We can’t change what’s happening in the world very much but we can try and live and love ourselves a bit. Life can be good again. Try and do something nice for yourself each day however tiny that may seem. Wishing you all the very best.

Have you tried Coda groups? https://codauk.org/

I'm in a similar place to you OP
The world has become a very cruel and scary place and it's just horrible yet many seem to be oblivious and we are people who see it for the horror show it is and are unfairly burdened by it while others carry on relatively care free

Don’t forget lots of people on Insta etc are leading fake lives. They may portray being happy and having the world at their feet but the reality is often very different, so do t compare yourself to them. You’ve got family and friends which is great. Do you work? Can you crate small lists of goals to achieve. Small steps make big gains. Good luck.