Please be gentle, I’m close to rock bottom. Going through a break up with someone who I thought was a narcissist but now questioning my own behaviours after so many failed relationships. I guess I can be a little controlling at times but often keep it to myself. I fell out of dp a couple weeks ago because of a behaviour that was making me feel unhappy, it was nothing major, just something he does that makes me feel unloved and annoyed. He blew it totally out of proportion and turned it around on me, brought up stuff that he doesn’t like me doing and now I think we’re finished (we both said hurtful things). I’m not handling it too well, we have split before over similar things but I have stupidly gone back and he hasn’t really stopped doing the things that caused us to split. I know I can’t go back this time but I want him to fight for me, to say he misses me and for him to say sorry (which I know won’t happen).
I handle rejection really badly and take it very personally to the point of almost feeling suicidal.I have been rejected a lot and I’m beginning to think it’s my fault for wanting too much out of a relationship. I have been looking online at what makes a narcissist and I feel I tick a lot of the boxes. At times I lack empathy, when people tell me their problems I find it hard to connect and give sympathy, I can be selfish, I don’t think highly of myself though in fact I think very little of myself.
I have friends but I’m probably not the best friend, I try to be but sometimes I feel I probably don’t support friends as much as they support me.
I am going through diagnoses of ADHD, I know RSD can be a part of that too but could I also be a narcissist?
At the moment I feel like I can never be in a healthy relationship and I can’t blame that on the people I have been in relationships with….it must be me.