I'm in a very very very bad and dark place

[KingKitty]

I Amjad an awful morning. My mother turned and had a pure hateful senial moment and it set me up with a migraine for the day. I still had to go to work. Work has been ok-ish. It has been very busy and I had to nearly bully people just to get to the toilet. I was so busy earlier in the day I never had time to get to the toilet and basically I had period blood just dripping down my leg because the pad I put on this morning was soaked.

Work has just been so busy.

I am in an absolute god damn awful place. All of it. Mentally. I don't have any places to do anything drastic but sometimes I do think about IT but I don't have plans and I am too much of a coward but I am in that bad state mentally where there are so many things sin my life that can really tip me over easily. There is just too much stress happening.

I have hair appointment booked for tomorrow morning. I booked it weeks ago.

I don't want to go into my hairdresser and he chats to me and asks me how I am - I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to drag him down. I usually try and be positive.

I am definitely in a place where I will go home tonight and knock back a bottle of wine or vodka.

I am in a bad place mentally. It's everything. I have a hair appointment in the morning but I don't want to be depressed for my hairdresser.

Hey @KingKitty do you have anyone with you at the moment?

Yes, are you alone?

It's okay, I've been there girl - the focus is getting through tonight

If tomorrow's appointment will be too much, it's okay to cancel, but it could be good to have a reason to get out of the house?

If you tell your hairdresser how you're feeling, I bet they won't be offended at all ❤️

Sending you lots of love. Go to the hairdresser they like talking to people. I think you should make a Doctor's appointment to get some support. You can ring Samaritans if you need to talk to someone. Xxx

Please phone the Samaritans: 116 123. They'll listen to you: they'll hear you. Sending hugs and love

We're so sorry you're feeling this way.
We can see that you've already been given a lot of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add some links to organisations which may be able to give you some help in real life too.
First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are many organisations listed which can provide you with some support. If you're feeling very low, you can contact the Samaritans, any time, by emailing [email protected]
or by calling 116 123.
You can also get help from a text service called Shout 85258. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place. It's a free, confidential, anonymous service for anyone in the UK and it won’t appear on your phone bill.
And finally, here's a link to Mind's pages on Tips for everyday living and How to improve your mental wellbeing.
Sending good wishes, OP. We really hope you're okay.

Go to your appointment. Get out of the house. A self care moment will do you good.

you could text your hairdresser, explain you are feeling low and ask him to not ask how you are etc. lots of hairdressers have said they offer silent appointments to remove the pressure.

OP if you can’t get through to the Samaritans try Mindline, they are so helpful, you will get a sympathetic ear, no judgement, just kindness. You can also call your GP surgery tomorrow and tell them you are afraid you may harm yourself. There are mental health services available to help you through this episode. You just need to ask. Sending you lots of love.

Go to the appointment but tell the hairdresser that you have a headache so you don't want to chat.
Then simply don't talk - don't reply if they start chatting. They will soon shut up.

I like my hairdresser and I love his accent and he will cheer me up big time. It's just I don't want to drag him down with how low I am.

Sometimes after I've had a migraine I feel really down and despairing as part of the postdrome phase (and I sometimes feel really 'up' just before it starts in the prodrome phase). Might your emotions be linked with your migraine? Apologies if they're not, it just sounded familiar and it took me ages to realise the mood correlations because they're so encompassing. Also, I get my most intense mood swing migraines at the start of my period and they became more marked with perimenopause.

I hope your hairdresser visit is bearable. If you say you're getting over a migraine I'm sure they'll be extra accommodating with whether you want to chat or not, and if you're not a beaming ray of sunshine.

Stop with the guilt ! When he says how are you just say “I’m actually on the tail end of a migraine so forgive me if I’m a bit quiet, I’m not feeling my usual self!” And he’ll just be nice about it. Read a magazine.

Give your hairdresser lisence to cut your hair in a new style.
That could be liberating... A flash of jewel colour too.

I had some wine last night. I still had a migraine. I slept well over night. I went to bed late but slept well. Woke up, still with migraine and nausea.

I was excited to see my hairdresser and get my hair done. I woke early and enjoyed getting ready for the day. I even had a beautiful walk to the bus stop to go to the city. Then, who came on the bus was a local lady who never ever stops talking. It's not regular chatting about weather. It's her whole life history, everything that's wrong with her, and an interrogation and questioning everything.

All I wanted to do was have some time to myself to listen to music for the day ahead and get pumped up with energy. Instead I was dragged down, down, down by this woman. A whole entire hour travelling on a bus beside her. I have gut and belly issues too that decided to brew and give me belly cramps where I broke out in a sweat and she saw I became distressed and she never stopped talking. It was a dreadful morning.

I got off the bus, found a loo and bought solpadine which has helped ease some pain. I should be ok-ish migraine wise tomorrow.

This morning - yesterday was bad and this morning just added to it. I was in such a fragile state mentally too. I thought if I passed a petrol station, all I need is a clothes line and a forest. She was an awful lady this morning. There was just no break to her talk. I even faked a call and she wouldnt even leave me in peace for that. I don't mind a few minutes chatting but the whole history of everything. She even told me about her dental problems and showed me into her mouth and I don't fucking care.

I have a range of my own problems which I never unloaded.

My hairdresser god bless him - I love him. He picked me up so much for the day and we had some good chatting and laughs and jokes.

I brought a packed lunch with me but I wrapped my sandwiches in tin foil this morning. When I was processing under heat I took out a sandwich and the poor lad thought I was eating my hair foils. It was so funny. He was just so lovely.

6.45 am this morning and I felt reasonably well and I was good. Then the other lady came on the bust at about 8.15 and insisted on sitting beside me. An hour of her and my migraine became 100x worse.