School with suicidal ideation

[HHMum69]

Hi, I think this is my first ever post on here.

My daughter (15, Year 10) has just had to leave her boarding school in London (which she loved), due to suicidal ideation, depression, anger issues. She's had three brief hospital admissions since January (2025) due to suicidal ideation/low mood, and in one case suicidal intent - taking herself off to a tube station.

Does anyone have experience of an adolescent going back into (state) school after suicidal ideation/intent/attempt ? How does it work ? At what point are the schools prepared to take them, and what measures are put in place ?

We are looking at getting my daughter into a (mainstream) state school from September (though there is a possibility she can go back to her school in London - either day or boarding).

Will 'SEN Support' be enough (i.e. any measures put in place be funded by the school), or do we need to get an EHCP in place ? I know this process is long, and will likely be even more complicated because my daughter has been in private education since Year 7.

I was also looking at special schools (some of which cater for kids with "emotional, behavioural and mental health issues") - but none really seem appropriate - as my daughter is of normal intelligence, and was getting on brilliantly at school until these mental health issues got in the way.

Has anyone gone down this path for serious mental health issues ?

Thanks in advance for any help or suggestions. I've also asked CAMHS, social services and emailed the SEND Information, Advice and Support Service (we live in West Sussex). But, it is very unclear to me at this point, how things will happen - and of course it all depends on how my daughter's mental state changes between now and September.

Any help, pointers or suggestions will be most welcome. Thank you

By ‘just had to leave’ do you mean they excluded her or you removed her?
At her age, starting at any new school will be tricky without the added challenges of mental health illness. What mental health support has she accessed?

I'm sorry to hear about your DD. What mental health support is she currently accessing?
I know it's not what you asked RE state schools, but have a look at Farney Close School (West Sussex). Home - Farney Close School - Well Balanced Academic & Social Education. They follow the National Curriculum so your DD could sit her GCSEs, but would allow her the backing of having specialised mental health support and teachers who fully understand what she is going through. Dependant on how much she has missed of year 10, you could ask for her to sit that year again, so she has time to fit the full GCSE curriculum.
I'd also apply for an ECHP, I don't know what the West Sussex council are like (it tends to be council specific) but you might find it is much easier than what you're expecting/anticipating. Farney Close does require an ECHP for admission purposes.

They have taken her 'off roll', saying she can come back in September (assuming she's in a better place). They had no choice - couldn't take the risk of her being out and about in central London - and neither could we.

She's had a private psychiatrist, since October when she was diagnosed with anorexia & depression. [Anorexia is not the problem, now]. He is also seeing her as a therapist, currently - as she didn't 'click' with the therapist he recommended initially. She is also under CAMHS (and still under Sussex Family Eating Disorder Service - SFEDS). We currently have Urgent Help Service coming over twice a week to check on her, since she was discharged from hospital 9 days ago. We haven't got as far as Initial Assessment yet with CAMHS - just access to the Duty team - better than nothing, but not much !

She's actually good at starting new schools and making friends - she's changed schools a lot since primary (her choice, last time). But I agree going into Year 10 (we are assuming she'll need to drop down a year - in order to do the 2-year GCSEs), at a new school isn't going to be easy. I am really hoping she can go back to her school in London, but feel we must have a backup plan, in case that can't happen.

Thank you @xmasdealhunter . I did email Farney Close the other day - they have no places for DD age group - and we also dismissed it because they require an EHCP - and we don't think we are likely to get that in place by September. But we are going to apply for EHCP anyway (who knows what we may need in years to come !). Good to have confirmation that what we are doing is a step in the right direction and worth doing. Appreciate it.

With my son, the school felt they couldn’t keep him safe. We homeschooled for a bit and then tried a return to a different school. Things went downhill again and he was then provided with online learning from home.

West Sussex sendiass are useless when dealing with a child that has mental health rather than learning needs. They know nothing about the schools in their area. By the sound of it boarding is too high risk until she's well but you might find small day independent could take her with a bespoke offer. There are a number of small Indy schools.

Ah okay. I'd have a look at Great Ballard then- if you're still open to independent schools. It's pastoral care is absolutely fantastic, it has a real family feel and nice, small class sizes https://www.greatballard.co.uk.

Find a school with a good mental health lead and pastoral support.
They should be able to put in place a safety plan to keep her safe in school.
The other option would be online schooling for medical reasons. No EHCP needed but normally proof of reason for not being safe in school.
Given that she's year 11 in September, I would be tempted to try that and find a school that allows external students to sit GCSEs at that school.
Sounds like she's got a lot going on, and GCSEs might have to wait.

Thank you @doubleshift , @xmasdealhunter and @lifeisacat . Great Ballard looks good - thanks - I hadn't come across it. We have already looked at Kings InterHigh online school - which also looks good - and we are considering that for next term (and beyond) if she is in a fit state to attend. I think she may have to go 'down a year' unless she is able to continue Year 10 next term (i.e. repeat Year 10 starting in September). Really appreciate all your comments.

Thanks @Scutterbug - that's useful to know. I hope things are improving for your son.

Most state schools don't allow you to re do year 10...you stay in lane for your age group
In your situation I would be getting the GCSEs via online teaching or private tutoring and focusing on Sixth Form entry with a good batch of GCSEs.
Laidlaw education in Kew was amazing for my son to reintegrate into a state school after two years out of school, at 14...I wonder if there are any similar setups nearer you

The EHCP took ages when we applied and tbh it doesn't confer much help except fast tracking into your favoured mainstream state school and possibility of some further diagnoses for your daughter.

I would be considering the likelhood of your daughter masking in school which could be neurodiversity? You say she loved school but changed schools a lot...sometimes the stimulation of a new situation works for people with autism or adhd but then the problems start because of unresolved issues. Changing schools isn't necessarily going to magically solve things unless there is something radically different about her responses or the school environment.

If you have the funds for a DIY approach I think taking an extra year to get GCSEs might also benefit. There is no hurry but another failed placement would be so awful for your daughter's morale.
Or could you even move heaven and earth to be in London with her as a day girl?

There are no quick fixes but I know people who have come out the other side of this and are thriving ...parents and daughters alike. Not necessarily with A levels even. And a few whose EHCPs were as much use as a chocolate teapot. Others where school/Alevels went "fine" and even university but the crippling anxiety and depression remained.
So looking at the root - and finding out what makes her tick..is it structure, stimulation, peace, security, academic success...sometimes these things are debilitating beliefs not positive influences..like "none of these popular people like me" or "I'm not as clever as anyone else"

Also please please get her vitamin D and B vitamins levels checked ...this is such a basic problem that often goes undiagnosed, and contributed to my son's seasonal depression at 17 (he wasn't suffering even as badly as your daughter!). A loading dose of vitamin D made massive difference...so cheap and yet so often not picked up by health professionals. My daughter's friends at 15 were all being told to take extra due to various deficiencies. There is a link with severe anxiety and depression

If this was my child I wouldn’t even be thinking about school and exams I’d be doing everything in my power to get to the root of the problem and get her well. I’d keep her close and care for her like she was my baby.
Who gives a shit about exams when her life is at risk?! Poor girl. What has driven her to feel this pain??
Sorry if that sounds harsh but I’m giving you the mumsnet reality check!

@howchildrenreallylearn

'If this was my child I wouldn’t even be thinking about school and exams I’d be doing everything in my power to get to the root of the problem and get her well. I’d keep her close and care for her like she was my baby.
Who gives a shit about exams when her life is at risk?! Poor girl. What has driven her to feel this pain??
Sorry if that sounds harsh but I’m giving you the mumsnet reality check!'

I agree. OP your daughter is not in a place where she can just get into a new school and make friends.

Her health is the most important factor right now.

You should be looking at home/online schooling for the rest of the year while she recovers and then reassess if she can go back in September later on.

Academic work can be a considerable source of satisfaction to some girls...I think it's obvious that it shouldn't be a source of intense pressure but still having a few goals in moderation can be therapeutic for some high achieving girls or else they feel despair at failing. I know my son gained a sense of pride and agency when he began to enjoy his school work and work towards GCSEs in a flexible way but certainly the Procrustean you must do 10 GCSEs and a language etc didn't work for him (he did 7 in the end), and flexibility of a homeschool/tutoring timetable was a wonderful way for him to get back his sense of agency.
But whether it is year 10 or 11 really shouldn't matter I agree and exams can definitely wait unless it helps to sit one in advance and get confidence and joy from it.

Theres a place called Lions Campus which specialises in help for kids with mental health issues whilst keeping schooling going

Thank you @KindPenguin . We did look into that. But DD couldn’t be persuaded to go to the assessment. And she is too young for the residential. They have to be 16. It is also exorbitantly expensive. If we could have been sure it would be beneficial we might have gone with it…

Hmm. What other options have you looked at? How is your DD doing now?

@KindPenguin It is hard to know how she is, as she is barely communicating with us. Still seeing her psychiatrist weekly (sort of as a therapist), but she’s not open to the idea of any other therapy (yet). She is arranging to see friends, seems happy when talking to them and spending time with them - at home or out. She’s been out and about quite a lot. And is also engaging with the puppy we got her - taking her out. She is just furious with us (her parents) it seems. We think for working (Mum)/travelling for work (Dad) so much when she was growing up. But maybe other factors too. She is rude and painfully uncommunicative - won’t even talk about day-to-day things, let alone more serious things. Spends all her time in her room except for occasional cooking and taking her dog out. We (parents) have been seeing a family therapist since November. DD went to two of the sessions and has since refused.

She and we are hoping she can go back to her school in London from September. The school are engaging with us on this.

Meanwhile I’ve applied for a state school place for next term - to give her a routine, hopefully a sense of achievement and to prove to herself and everyone that she can cope with school life (though of course it is even more challenging to go into a new school, and in the middle of the year).

We haven’t yet heard about the school place and DD refuses to discuss it. So we are not at all sure she’ll actually go. But, she may, as it would get her out of the house, away from us, with people her own age.This also gives us a backup plan if she can’t go back to London - ie stay there for year 11.

We’ve also looked at Online School. This seems good but DD not keen (doesn’t like ‘zoom’ classes, and won’t discuss).

She’s also taken up rugby ! Though went twice to training sessions, and now hasn’t been three times. But I think this is great, if she can keep going.

So, an awful lot of uncertainly still - regarding her mental state, and what’s next for her. I’m just grateful she is safe and here with us (though not easy to live with !).

What looks like anger towards to you is probably her wanting to connect to you but she doesn't know how? The first step is for her to express her feelings to you, through anger if that is easiest rather than internalising them.
The focus on "achievement" and school in spite of what I said before, is possibly misplaced. It's really about building a relationship with you, which isn't about school at all. And that is going to be hard for her because so far she has put her efforts into relating to others and trying to please you by being "successful" and "independent". And those are habits difficult to break. To learn to rely on you is a new habit for her.

The dog sounds excellent - dogs love unconditionally but they need us to care for ourselves too it's a good reminder of basic needs and she will hopefully think of herself as a cared for person as well as a caring person when she is looking after the dog. It's a bridge.

agree with this.

If she is so angry at you both for ‘working’ is it because she was put in boarding school? How old was she when she was sent to it?

I also agree she is probably desperate for connection with you both :( This topic of families being pulled away from each other has been talked about a lot since the Netflix show Adolescence. It’s got me thinking so much about connection between parents and their children and I wonder if you have considered this?

Thank you @Nettleskeins and @howchildrenreallylearn - both v helpful. Boarding was her choice, so we don’t think that’s a factor. She originally boarded 15 mins up the road, when she asked to - Year 7.

I haven’t seen Adolescence or much of the resulting discussions - feel like I’ve been in ‘crisis mode’ since January. But it sounds as though I need to catch up ! Thanks for the pointer !

Gosh that’s quite a decision to make at age 11.
All the best OP, I hope you get to the bottom of the issues and get your child back on an even keel very soon ❤️

My niece was hospitalised several times last year (in Y10) for self harm and suicide attempts. She ended up not going to school from May - July. She then went back to the same school in September and has managed ok in Y11. School were supportive in terms of accepting of absences and reduced timetabling to help stress, responding to input from her parents eg. If she didn't manage all her mocks not to force her to do them another time. They also outbid a place for her to go at lunchtime as she had some struggles socially. She had counselling from the crisis team bit not in school. She is set to do v well this year in her exams but she is stressed about them and I think school have done their best to minimise pressure. It's a state school. She doesn't have an EHCP as far as I know, certainly not one from the LA with funding.

Thank you @PrincessOfPreschool - that’s encouraging. I’m really glad your niece is doing better now. I hope she gets through the exam period ok and does as well as she wants to.