School with suicidal ideation

[HHMum69]

Hi, I think this is my first ever post on here.

My daughter (15, Year 10) has just had to leave her boarding school in London (which she loved), due to suicidal ideation, depression, anger issues. She's had three brief hospital admissions since January (2025) due to suicidal ideation/low mood, and in one case suicidal intent - taking herself off to a tube station.

Does anyone have experience of an adolescent going back into (state) school after suicidal ideation/intent/attempt ? How does it work ? At what point are the schools prepared to take them, and what measures are put in place ?

We are looking at getting my daughter into a (mainstream) state school from September (though there is a possibility she can go back to her school in London - either day or boarding).

Will 'SEN Support' be enough (i.e. any measures put in place be funded by the school), or do we need to get an EHCP in place ? I know this process is long, and will likely be even more complicated because my daughter has been in private education since Year 7.

I was also looking at special schools (some of which cater for kids with "emotional, behavioural and mental health issues") - but none really seem appropriate - as my daughter is of normal intelligence, and was getting on brilliantly at school until these mental health issues got in the way.

Has anyone gone down this path for serious mental health issues ?

Thanks in advance for any help or suggestions. I've also asked CAMHS, social services and emailed the SEND Information, Advice and Support Service (we live in West Sussex). But, it is very unclear to me at this point, how things will happen - and of course it all depends on how my daughter's mental state changes between now and September.

Any help, pointers or suggestions will be most welcome. Thank you

Did your daughter’s difficulties start very rapidly? Does she know what she wants? What does she say when asked what she wants to do about school/education? (It might be easier if someone other than you and your DH ask her this)

Sorry to hear that, just so you know, a lot of parents go through this, really tough when we can't look inside their brain and see why they're acting the way they are! always seems like we're the first to blame. hopefully also the first to go to when in crisis is what i think. has your DD's behaviour changed over the past few months? i saw your first post was a while ago

@HHMum69thank you. This time last year we wouldn't have thought it could turn out like this. There are still some down days but Dsis is an amazing mum and taken so much, she just absorbs the emotions as niece vents, cries, screams at her etc. I'm not sure how my sister does it. It drives me insane. We think my niece probably has autism, she's always had intrusive thoughts and OCD behaviours but seemed to mask these very well until Y10. She's very clever too. Hang in there! Hopefully with peace, rest and love your DD will recover well.

For now forget school. What is your DD doing every day? How much time are you spending together? Have you taken time off work to spend with her?
I worked in special ed with children like your daughter. Most of them were angry with their parents for one reason or another - that should be your first step - building that relationship.

My daughter is in year 10 and has had similar issues including inpatient admissions...her school was really supportive and referred her to a pupil referral unit where she is now thriving, due to smaller classes and extra support in place. she's sitting most of her gcses but it's a lot less pressured. might be worth looking into in your area what alternative provision is offered

Thank you @worriedstar and @Pieceofpurplesky . I quit my part-time job in Feb and am now at home w DD and the puppy. But we and her psychiatrist feel that the rebuilding the relationship is going to be a longer process. She needs to get on with her life in the meantime. She refuses to spend time with me at the moment. The most I get to do is occasionally drive her somewhere. And she usually refuses to talk on any level. But hopefully things will improve. It is laughable, but I was pleased that she rang me on WhatsApp the other day (to tell me she needed a lift somewhere ) and hence unblocked me !

My daughter did go back to her mainstream school after a stay in a tier 4 inpatient unit. In hindsight we rushed her back...she was offered a part time timetable at first but she struggled with unstructured time when not in lessons. She was still quite poorly and rejected her friends, isolating herself from them. School pastoral were very supportive throughout with regular contact with her camhs keyworker. School were very flexible with her attendance which helped. Unfortunately she could no longer attend and stay safe in that environment, hence the transferral to a PRU....I was a bit nervous about her starting there as it is a world away from her mainstream school but she loves it. She is genuinely a lot happier now and not in crisis. We have had family therapy amongst other things with Camhs which although daughter might not see it as helpful, it has helped me talk through things and work on communication with her. A good book I found is https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Let-Go-Through-Illness/dp/1785043315 the author has a facebook group called Parenting Mental Health. To be honest I've not read the book fully but it has been good to dip in and out of, from a parents perspective.

Why was she put in boarding school? Doesn’t sound like a nurturing environment…have you heard of “boarding school syndrome”? There will be a reason for her unhappiness..has something happened in her childhood? Neglect? Abuse? Academic pressures?

I don’t believe in the medical model of mental illness, it’s ALWAYS either relationships, previous trauma, or environment that causes emotional turmoil. As Carl Rogers said, if a potato has the right conditions (light, water, good soil) it will thrive but if any of these are missing it won’t grow and flourish. People are the same.

@HHMum69 you have to celebrate the small steps like her asking you for a lift! it shows that she knows you will be there for her, even if she isn't talking to you much at the moment. I know what you mean about her needing to get on with her life in the meantime...it's one reason I was keen for my daughter to move to the pupil referral unit rather than have home tutors...as I knew she could have staff around her that she could talk to and a more structured environment. Of course some kids need more time to recover at home instead. You know your child best. Lots of parents who have been in the same boat in the parenting mental health group on facebook. good luck!

Would you mind telling me how much exorbitantly expensive is. Programme sounds like an amazing thing for my daughter.

I have also found this book/group/programme helpful. They focus on question of partnering not patenting your young person with mental health difficulties.

I mean this from a place of kindness but I don't understand why you think a state school would help your daughter? If she has only ever been at a bordind school I think she will REALLY struggle in a state school.

My daughter is in a state school with similar mental health issues. I'd say around 50% of my daughters friends have the same issues too. From about 13 each of her friends started to self-harm and then It was just a thing they all did. I'm not sure whether to say its a phase but it certainly feels that way sometimes.

The best thing we did for our daughter was remove social media apps from her iPhone removed her camera. When I finally got hold of her phone the content I found was chilling - all self harm etc. She only has Pinterest now (she studies art) and even now I check it to ensure the algorithm hasn't kicked in. She also has to as for an app now and via the parenting settings I approve it for her. DD is now in counselling and doing really well. I'm so glad I looked on her phone as I was in two minds about due to not wanting to invade her privacy.

Please read the anxious generation and watch the social dilemma on Netflix.

They are a real eye opener’s. Especially when considering teenage girls and depression and anxiety.