Just want to end it all

[Stargirl33]

Firstly I know I’m scum & going to get a lot of nasty comments but I don’t care at this point.
34 pregnant with a baby my boyfriend doesn’t want because he feels he won’t be able to look after a baby & despite talking about how nice it would be he’s not turned round & said he definitely does not want children.
So now going to get an abortion rang & booked it today he’s really upset but still insists he can’t have children due to his anger issues & the way the world is now .

Had my daughter with a man who begged & pleaded with me to have an abortion & ended up with severe PND had depression & anxiety my whole life it’s never gone away last 10 years faked my way into thinking I’m happy & not a crap mum this whole things just bought it all back. I want to die or run away ! Had loads of counselling doesn’t work ! Meds nothing really gets better ..

Now can’t face my family I’ve not gone to work where I’m so depressed so they know something is going on just not been awnsering my phone daughter is with her dad till Wednesday but I feel I can’t be around her or look after her where I’m such a mess & in the process of sorting the abortion. Just don’t know what to do can’t sleep can’t eat just sat around all day smoking & drinking. I know the abortion will be for the best I’ve never enjoyed being a parent & we will make awful parents small house not a lot of money no point dragging another life into the mess that is my own honestly so ashamed & disgusted with myself I was mad to think having another baby would be a nice idea . Hate being the way I am

Have the abortion and then end the relationship with a man with anger issues when you have a child. Ffs.

Is there a suitable talking therapy in your area, OP?

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

Remember too that the Samaritans are always there, if you need to talk to someone sooner.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Sweetheart, I have no great words of wisdom, but just want to send you a hug and well done for reaching out - I really hope you can get soem help in RL from friends, family, Doctor or midwife. Call Samaritans maybe just to talk?

He is lovely to me & my daughter he just has severe social anxiety & doesn’t have the same social reactions as a normal person & with other people can be very blunt / rude quick to react .I wouldn’t have my daughter or myself around someone violent

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources: ^https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health^. You can also visit the Samaritans website at www.samaritans.org or email them on [email protected].
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We'll move this to our Mental Health board now.
We hope things improve for you soon, OP.

Thank you just feel devastated & embarrassed about the whole situation most of all stupid over romanticised everything.
Already had counselling & on meds the anxiety & depression always comes back though I should if listened to my daughters dad & just not had children I try my best but still a crap mum who finds everything difficult

That was unnecessary

This sounds really hard. Most people would be incredibly stressed in your position. You're not a bad mum or a bad person for being depressed.

Do you have a supportive GP you could talk to about how you're feeling?

Thanks I really am though I work nights and my daughter has to spend half the week at her dads then find her annoying a lot of the time have to have meds just to function & do basic things loving good mothers do .. Just costed along trying my best but it’s not enough was selfish to get pregnant again thinking it would complete our family with a man who already told me he doesn’t want children how stupid & selfish can someone be 😂
I appreciate what your saying though just need to try to get through this week just so beaten down & fed up thank you for being kind

This is depression talking, these thoughts that you're not a good mum. It's ok to find your child annoying - I certainly got irritated by mine at times. And it's ok to work and take medication - I did both too and I'm sure you wouldn't think less of me for it.

You're right though - you do just need to get through this week. Some bits of life you need to get your brolly on and march through the shitstorm. Sending you a big hug x