Dreaming of abuse - TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

[Bikerchicky]

Apologies if this is not the right place to post, I wasn't sure where to put it.

A few years ago I had several dreams that a close male relative sexually abused me. I use the word "dream" but they were unlike any dream I've ever had. They were like HD dreams - so real I could even smell things cooking and I was aware of all of my thoughts at the time. I could even see the dust particles floating. They really were detailed.
When I had the dreams I was just becoming sexually active. A therapist I was seeing at the time (for anxiety) thought the dreams could be real memories. I've always had a strained relationship with this relative but never known why.
At that time I couldn't deal with that, it would have torn my family apart and I couldn't face that possibility.

Now I've had a similar dream. Same relative, same detail and clarity, same sort of content.

Does anyone know if it is possible to have forgotten abuse but remember it in dreams??? In all of the dreams I'm about 13/14 so not a young child who would forget things.

All things are possible - the mind can disassociate in times of extreme stress in order to protect you (I'm not saying this is what happened, just that it's something that can happen).

What is the ideal outcome for you?

Ideal outcome - i don't know. I think just knowing for certain one way or the other.

@Bikerchicky im in a very similar position. For the past 30 years I’ve been plagued with vague memories I’m not sure are real. I just want certainty too. Sometimes I feel definite, then the crushing uncertainty and guilt. I’d hoped with time, it would come become clearer, but no luck so far. I think I need more counselling, but I just hate the thought of it, and I’m not convinced it will get me anywhere. I don’t want someone to just tell me I must be right.

there are other issues I can remember more clearly, and whether it’s that or the other I’m pretty sure I have complex ptsd, the type which shuts the brain down rather than fires it up. This can cause memory issues, but again, doesn’t really take me forward any. There are some really good videos on YouTube you might find useful.

Hope you get there, and following hoping I can get some benefit from this thread too. Its so difficult to talk about being confused.

Sorry, I really don’t know but I’m interested to see some other responses as I’ve had a spookily similar experience, an awful dream that I’d put from my memory until now, and this thread has reminded me. Hope to god it is just some weird fucked up dream and there is no reality in it!

Is this relative still around? Are you able to talk to anyone who might be able to shed light on what happened around that time?

My Mum only remembered the SA she suffered when she was mid-40s and my sibling had a traumatic near-death experience abroad.

It was like her brain couldn’t handle the two traumas and it had to unlock one to help her through the current one of trying to get my brother home alive.

Her Dad SA her for years and her brain had blocked out the memories.

Good luck to you OP in figuring out what is reality ❤️

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'll have a look on YouTube.

Im so sorry for reminding you!

He's still around. I see him fairly regularly. The only person i could ask would be my mum but doing so really would tear the family apart. Even just saying it out loud to her is unthinkable. It's not really the sort of thing I could bring up in passing.

That must have been awful for your mum. Thank you for sharing.
May I ask, how old was she during the abuse?

What about talking to him? Carefully, obviously. What's the age gap?

She was younger than 10 when it started and it carried on until around 14/15 years old.
She hadn’t seen him since then but always put it down to him being physically abusive towards her Mum (my Nan).
She had a full mental breakdown when all the memories came back as she thought she was going crazy. x

It may be that the second dream was a memory of the first dream, if you see what I mean. Narrative/lucid dreams are sometimes generative and add detail to themselves as you remember the dream - it's as if you deepen and strengthen the story each time you go over it.

If this is a real memory, I'm so sorry you went through such an awful thing. However, it is not guaranteed that it is real. The research around 'recovered' memory is very much contested.

Huge age gap. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to speak to him. And if it is just in my imagination then it's a HUGE think to say I think you might be capable of this.

Thank you. That makes sense what you say about dreams adding to each other.

OK, so it would seem that there is no realistic avenue to see if there was any substance to your dreams. What often happens in these instances is a part of the subconscious mind will continue to try and find an answer by looking at every possibility and imagining all scenarios, which can be distressing. Why does it do this? To prevent anything like this (whether or not there was a 'this') ever happening again - i.e. to protect you. Now, the reality is that this cannot happen again; you are no longer a child.

What I would do in this situation is ask that part of the subconscious to stop trying to solve this puzzle because there isn't an answer and therefore the rumination is only going to cause unhappiness now. Once your mind understand this it will let it go.

It is horrible isn't it.

I have had dreams of being abused by a close relative and a medical professional for years and also intrusive thoughts.

But there are some gaps in my memories, so the uncertainty remains.

The relative is dead.

However some of the memories I fully remember and know to be true (inappropriate comments, peeping when I was undressing, attempt to expose himself) are bad enough to accept that he was indeed an abusive, very disturbed individual that did me a lot of harm.

I am hoping the coming to that realisation will eventually stop the dreams and intrusive thoughts/images.

'What I would do in this situation is ask that part of the subconscious to stop trying to solve this puzzle because there isn't an answer and therefore the rumination is only going to cause unhappiness now. Once your mind understand this it will let it go.'

I think that's a very wise way to look at this issue.

I have had dreams of being abused by a close relative and a medical professional for years and also intrusive thoughts. But there are some gaps in my memories, so the uncertainty remains.

I am hoping the coming to that realisation will eventually stop the dreams and intrusive thoughts/images.

It is possible to stop the dreams and intrusive thoughts. Please have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis as there's lots of info on that thread.

It is possible. I would suggest you speak to your GP and try and get a referral to a psychologist if it is affecting your life day to day.

When something traumatic happens to us, our brain can repress a memory to survive and remain safe. These memories can then emerge years later.

I have some extraordinarily real dreams, that have all the details, all the senses, and all the emotions, to the point where I'm pretty traumatised long after I wake up because it was SO real.

But they weren't. They were just dreams.

Please look up false memories of abuse. There was a big scandal in the 90s of therapists creating false memories in people due to things like this. Your dream could mean 1000 things. But you can create false memories that seem very real if an authority figure tells you to

They could be. You mind can repress memories to protect you and filter them back in as your ability to withstand them improves. Have you ever tried any sort of meditation? I can actually induce a state where my memories of what happens while I'm doing it are very hazy and emotionally, not much can touch me.

I was bullied so badly in school that I almost died. I started doing it then. I have whole classes that I don't remember at all, huge sections of memory missing. I used to call it sinking. I can sort of recall some things if I make a conscious effort while I'm in that state.

Its possible you did something similar to block out the trauma at the time and now those memories are coming back. Inducing that state again could help you sort memory from imagination but if you've not done it at will before, I'm not sure how you'd do it.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have wondered about false memories and I worry that talking to someone might uncover something that isn't actually real.
Realistically I guess I'll never know for 100% certain unless I manage to speak to the relative in the right circumstances.
I decided long ago that he will never be alone with my children.
I will try and just put it to the back of my mind and move on.

i suffer from Dissociative amnesia, or memory gaps. it is believed this is a coping mechanism of the brain to protect you from traumatic episodes.

every sibling in my family was sexually abused by 'uncle george', however i have no recollection of this ever happening to me.. i also have memory gaps. its highly likely i was also abused but my brain is protecting me.

I'm so sorry you've been thru that. So do you remember any bits? Have you had flashbacks?