To not want them in my home?

[decorativecushions]

Ok I'll try to keep this short

I have a 10 month old baby and I'm under the perinatal team due to history of OCD and depression. Worth noting i am absolutely fine on the whole! No one has ever raised concerns over my parenting or anything like that.

As well as the psychiatrist team I have a support worker whose role, as i understand, is to provide less medicalised support and a person to talk to.

The first time we met up we had the meeting as a home visit at my house. I'm not a massive fan of having people i don't know that well in my house, especially health professionals. My house is a safe place for me and I would always prefer to meet at a children's centre or out for a walk. Growing up my family had to have visits from health professionals due to my sister being unwell so it makes me feel like my privacy is being invaded and I'm being 'watched' if that makes sense. Basically it makes me really on edge! I explained all this to her.

Anyway, i was hoping to continue doing walks and meeting up with my baby out of the house but the support worker now seems insistent that there needs to be more home visits??! She mentioned that she wanted to visit at home and I told her I'd prefer to meet elsewhere so we arranged a meet at the local park, but when I arrived she called me saying she was at my house and where was i?! It was very confusing. This evening she's texted me saying that she and 'a new care coordinator' would like to visit me at home next week. I've replied back once again asking if we could meet at a park or even the local children's centre as I'd find this easier and more helpful. No reply yet.
As I said earlier there's never been any safeguarding concerns. I live with my husband and our baby. When the support worker visited the house was tidy and well presented. No one has ever raised any concerns and I'm doing absolutely fine aside from occasionally having obsessive thoughts and being a bit low.

Can anyone shed any light on why the support worker is being so insistent on meeting in my house even though I've made it clear on several occasions I'd rather not?

Thanks x

How can they raise concerns about home conditions if they can't come in?
Maybe there were some borderline concerns last time, not enough to trigger intervention but enough that they definitely want to get back in and check again. Honestly, these people are trying to support mothers and babies who may be vulnerable. We should be thankful we live in a country where such support exists.

People need to stop treating health visitors, mental health support workers and social workers as the enemy. God knows they get enough flak when they take their eye off the ball and it ends in utter tragedy.

You don't understand proportionality in intervention in people's lives. If they have seen her home and there were no concerns then wanting to see it again 'just in case' things have become squalid since then with no actual reason to believe that's the case is not proportionate. Professionals, no matter how well meaning, don't have the right to look into areas of people's private lives 'just in case' unless they have a reason and a remit to do so. This worker has neither.

I think there's some confusion on this thread about the role of NHS mental health support workers re safeguarding. If anyone else suggests whether an action on the part of the OP could lead to safeguarding concerns it would probably be helpful to the OP if they said what they are basing this on and in particular whether they have worked in perinatal MH services or received services from them.

Irrespective of your home being clean and tidy, it's normal for professional meetings to be held at home/other place as opposed to being in the park/outside.
That's not to say they should insist on meeting you at your home all the time.
Can you informally chat to them re this?
Congratulations on your new baby

I’m a mh care coordinator. I wouldn’t be pushing a home visit on someone that didn’t want it, I would be building a relationship with the person in whatever space they felt comfortable with.

If she is meant to be there to support your mental health then I don’t see why the visit needs to be in your home.

I used to do a counselling role where prominently I’d visit mums in their home. However, occasionally one would want to meet in the park, or the garden centre or national trust garden. I went wherever they felt most comfortable.

If your support worker had never agreed to meet you in the park, I could possibly understand her saying this wouldn’t work for her, but by my understanding she has already set the precedent of meeting you there previously.

It's NHS. I have been offered the support worker as part of the support for my anxiety and depression although I'm not in acute need, if that makes sense. It's classed as low level support rather than acute intervention.

They did visit my home a few weeks ago.

The meet up didn't happen as we'd agreed to meet in the park and she turned up at my home.

No, you don’t have to have home visits and I disagree with those telling you just to let them come anyway.

You have given a clear boundary and they have pushed that. Perhaps ask for a different support worker.

I understand why they would like to see you in your home environment, which they have already done, and I also understand your need for your home to be your sanctuary which is why I disagree with those telling you to push through it.

My one hesitation is whether the control of who comes into your home, and the fear of who is knocking on the door is part of the MH issue that you are getting support for (is there perhaps childhood trauma from your siblings illness?) and perhaps that is a discussion to be had with a trusted professional?

All of those professionals will be acutely aware that they have no legal powers to force OP to do anything. People should stop encouraging people to discard their rights just to appease a service who OP is engaging with voluntarily.

If the support worker has any concerns it would not be her role to investigate them. She’d just need to make an onward referral. She has no right to dictate to OP where they meet. MH support should be person centred and OP should do what makes her comfortable

Exactly! OP the majority responding don't understand the services you're in receipt of, sfg thresholds, the role of a support worker, anxiety and childhood trauma. Could mumsnet move this to a better area r.e. MH? You may get better responses.

Hi OP

We're going to move your thread over to our mental health topic. We think it's a more appropriate place.

Very best wishes
MNHQ

Thank you 😘

Thanks to everyone, for responding, especially those of you who have commented repeatedly and in support of me advocating for myself.

X

Hi. It might not be anything to do with concerns about your home.
It might just be easier for the support worker to do a home visit. I'm a community health care professional. I order my case load by post code and tend to try and group visits together. When patients want to meet away from the home it complicates logistics slightly. It's just eaiser to book a home visit in our notes system! Ours automatically puts the home address on my calendar if it's a community visit and I have to manually change it.
Maybe they have a bog case load and lots of visit s to do.
However that doesn't excuse forcing home visit if it doesn't help you. I'd try and email them with your reason for not doing a home visit

Hi OP @decorativecushions YANBU.

Can you meet the support worker in their base? I work for the NHS in a mental health trust and a team such as this should have a base in an office/clinic in the community with different rooms (smaller meeting rooms/ larger group session rooms etc).

They should definitely take into account your personal preferences where the meetings are held, especially if you have OCD and are uncomfortable with other people in your home. They are here to support you not to make things more difficult and uncomfortable for you.

I was a community mental health support worker and this is the way I used to work. When I did see a service user in their home I always thanked them for letting me into their private space. I did do a lot of home visits but that was with people who found that this worked best for them. I would offer a home visit as an option but was always open to other suggestions.

I kind of assume that they just normally visit people at home, kind of like health visitors, so that's their default and why they keep suggesting it. If you are wondering about it you could always ask them outright if the visits HAVE to be at home or not. I would have thought it would be fine to meet a support worker at a children's centre would be fine.

However, I think that if I were your support worker and I knew you had struggled with OCD, I might wonder if not wanting people in your home could be OCD-related - so I might ask you about that to see how I could support you better.

I could be completely wrong here, but this smells of line manager intervention to me - like she’s been asked in supervision something like “were there any electrical items or cleaning products in reach of the baby” or “were the bedrooms warm” and because she can’t recall exactly (although happy at the time of the visit) she’s panicked. If she keeps pushing it you could ask her directly what she wants to see in your home, given that she’s been there?

OP, yanbu.

It is a theme on MN again and again that OP's get a right kicking for advocating for themselves.

You have every right to state that your continued involvement with services is conditional on you being treated with respect.

Turning up at your home uninvited is unacceptable and not respectful.
It is not conducive to your well-being.

Her getting locations mixed up is not your problem.
She needs to get herself together and stick to arrangements agreed.

Your home is not somewhere that they can turn up to unannounced.

Put it down in an email and ask your questions calmly and firmly.

You feel your right to privacy in your home is being invaded and it is not acceptable.

Ask what exactly is the nature of their involvement with you and if they have any concerns regarding your baby or her care?

If not then it is reasonable for you to meet outside your home.

If you feel a loss of trust now, ask to be referred to someone else.

Thank you 🩷

I'm going to send an email tomorrow using advice ive received on this thread.

Very glad I've asked the mumsnet hive mind for help. I have received many helpful responses, both kind and not so kind! I'm grateful for all of them. Thanks x

I find putting everything in an email, conversations, agreements, confirmation of what I believe was agreed, really focuses minds.

It informs the person/organisation that you are in contact with, that you are creating a paper trail and will not be fxxked about with.

It is most effective.

Write how you are feeling.
Your upset.
Your confusion as to their insistence to repeated visit you at home.

Your feeling of violation at them randomly turning up.
Your request for clarification regarding their involvement with you.

Ask for the legislation and guidelines that they are acting under.

Think about what you want from emailing them and state it clearly.

Make it very clear to them what sort of involvement you are prepared to accept.

You have got this.

She's already had a home visit! She just doesn't want more.
Also, is everyone not noticing that the support worker agreed to meet her at a park, then went to her home instead and called her saying where are you?? The support worker is either unprofessional or forgetful.

To be honest if i received this i’d have more concerns about the sender’s mental health, not less.

Are you a mental health professional?

I work in safeguarding. As do you.

This isn’t just mental health support. It’s perinatal mental health support, which has a fairly high threshold for referral in most areas, and the OP is still having visits at a reasonably high frequency at 10 months PP.

If the OP wants to have a reasonable conversation with them about varying the location of future visits, that’s one thing. But a shrieky email like the one recommended above would concern me. You disagree. That’s fine. We are all products of our experience.

For a client asking for clarification lucidly on the service being provided?

Or more likely you wouldn't like a record of your behaviour being questioned.

I would be very suspicious of a service that would think they cannot be questioned about their actions.

Sounds like only a bullying, unprofessional organisation wouldn't want to answer questions.

A genuine service would be happy to reassure a client that they wish to help.

Phone calls are not a record for OP, an email is.

No one doing an honest job has anything to fear from it.

"Forgetting" the agreed meeting spot is unprofessional, and just turning up at the OPs home is not acceptable IMO.