To not want them in my home?

[decorativecushions]

Ok I'll try to keep this short

I have a 10 month old baby and I'm under the perinatal team due to history of OCD and depression. Worth noting i am absolutely fine on the whole! No one has ever raised concerns over my parenting or anything like that.

As well as the psychiatrist team I have a support worker whose role, as i understand, is to provide less medicalised support and a person to talk to.

The first time we met up we had the meeting as a home visit at my house. I'm not a massive fan of having people i don't know that well in my house, especially health professionals. My house is a safe place for me and I would always prefer to meet at a children's centre or out for a walk. Growing up my family had to have visits from health professionals due to my sister being unwell so it makes me feel like my privacy is being invaded and I'm being 'watched' if that makes sense. Basically it makes me really on edge! I explained all this to her.

Anyway, i was hoping to continue doing walks and meeting up with my baby out of the house but the support worker now seems insistent that there needs to be more home visits??! She mentioned that she wanted to visit at home and I told her I'd prefer to meet elsewhere so we arranged a meet at the local park, but when I arrived she called me saying she was at my house and where was i?! It was very confusing. This evening she's texted me saying that she and 'a new care coordinator' would like to visit me at home next week. I've replied back once again asking if we could meet at a park or even the local children's centre as I'd find this easier and more helpful. No reply yet.
As I said earlier there's never been any safeguarding concerns. I live with my husband and our baby. When the support worker visited the house was tidy and well presented. No one has ever raised any concerns and I'm doing absolutely fine aside from occasionally having obsessive thoughts and being a bit low.

Can anyone shed any light on why the support worker is being so insistent on meeting in my house even though I've made it clear on several occasions I'd rather not?

Thanks x

You asked why they seem insistent on home visits so what comes to my mind is the following: maybe they are worried about their timeliness? And it’s stressful knowing you are waiting in a park in February with a little one rather than at home where you can change nappy, feed etc? Or they just are so used to doing home visits other possibilities don’t even cross their mind as a long term plan?

A care coordinator is a CPN,
A mental health nurse that comes on a weekly basis, or when as needed more frequently if you are struggling.
Mine let's me visit their office if needed however their alarms bells will be ringing like mad given how insistent you are that they are not to step foot in your home.

Do you work in AMH’s? Because it’s not about facilitating possible unhealthy behaviours.

Even actual trained professional Social Workers with actual real welfare concerns tend not to make unannounced visits without first communicating with the client that they will be making "unannounced" visits i.e. telling people we will be visiting but not when the visits will happen. And that's really for quite extreme circumstances.

Randomly turning up at someone's door with no attempt to communicate intent basically never happens.

Also, if there's something I've missed here and they do need to do a home assessment, that should be very clearly communicated to you - the date, time, reason, personnel. You should not be left having to wonder or worry.

I work in mental health advocacy.

It’s not unhealthy to not want random people in your home. They have no right to be there if OP doesn’t want them to be, and most importantly of all they are NOT, as most posters are suggesting, there to assess her parenting.

Thank you for all your replies.

It feels as though people are saying I need to 'suck it up and endure' a home visit even though the support is meant to be patient centred and 'support'. Rather than me having to jump through hoops and endure something which won't be useful or productive. Which is ironic given that when we went for a walk I found it very useful.

The fact that we arranged a walk and she turned up at my house has made me feel like I'm being ignored and I'm tempted to say I don't want this support anymore, as it seems like it's conditional on me allowing home visits, which would be a shame.

The real issue here is poor communication. The support worker needs to be explicit with you about why she is asking to see your home and why she wants you to meet the care coordinator. I would ask for an explicit explanation, this doesn't need to be combative, I would just email or telephone to say:-
Hi X

I noticed you've asked to meet at my home a couple of times now, I just want to check are you worried about home conditions or something else. It would be helpful for me to understand as I don't think home conditions/ home life are a worry but would like to understand your point of view.

And then see what she says.

I'm also a SW and based on your context, this would be highly unlikely to necessitate a referral or be picked up for an assessment. If the worker did contact the LA, she'd likely be advised to try and engage you in support.

Thank you.

Baby is always warm and we can wait in the car where I can breastfeed or change her if needed. We often do nice nature walks

X

You’re missing the fact that the support worker has no right to enter OPs home. She’s the to support OP, and entering her home against her will is not doing that.

Anyway, this thread is driving me insane so I’m going to bow out, but I hope you get things sorted to your satisfaction OP.

Could it be as simple as she doesn't want to be out in the cold? No offence OP but It has been absolutely freezing here this week, I wouldn't want to be hanging round in a park waiting for someone or walking around in the cold when I could just nip round to their house.

Maybe she is pretending to have forgotten so she doesn't have to meet up outside, could you just make arrangements indoors somewhere instead so no one is freezing their tits off?

Do you struggle at all to keep your home clean and tidy?

Is that a concern?

People in these professions can’t do anything right can they. If there was a mother who WAS depressed/struggling and something terrible happened (not saying this is the case obviously) and no one had done any home checks then there would be uproar about ‘why didn’t anyone check in/do their job’…

OP says she is fine which is great but if it was another case where the mother wasn’t fine and hid it well on the outside then it could be another story!!

But it’s not this particular persons job to do home checks. She’s not a social worker.

This sounds like a good message to send - especially as pp have said to have it down in writing. You could also add in a paragraph about how you feel being able to get out of the house and meet up for a walk is the thing that you find the most supportive and helpful for you.

And I haven’t said they are - but worth nothing that will be mandatory reporters - but equally they aren’t going to do just what the OP wants. Is their job to support the OP to function, this level of resistant to people entering your home is a cause for concern.

Then you don't sound like you're doing so well tbh.

No I'm not, anyone can ask to come in, also if this was to be referred in, I would ask the professional, did you ask to visit, did you explain the purpose etc. The OP can always say no. Surely...if people communicate clearly this is more likely to resolve issues effectively?

Not at all. The house is always tidy. My baby loves watching me do vacuuming and cooking.

As I've mentioned in the OP, I have already been visited in my home 🙂

She wants to sit on her in the comfort of your home whilst you provide refreshments.

If there is a risk she can use her power to cause trouble for you I would her in for ten minutes so she can see your home environment is fine and then say come on we are going out to give baby and me some fresh air and you insist she leaves to either go or come for a walk.

No but mental health services contact social services if any concerns about child’s well- being - in fact they are mandated to do so. Refusing to have them in the house is unlikely to trigger it immediately but it does indicate some concerns and if you disengage it may start a process - ultimately all healthcare professionals are mandatory reporters to safeguard children.

No but they are there to provide mental health support and what if it was too late before something flagged up to refer to someone else? Perhaps they are trained to recognise if a home is in a way that would flag mental health struggles? I don’t know but it is annoying that generally people will complain that no one checks these things before it’s too late then moan that ‘NO THEY CANNOT CHECK IN ITS NOT THEIR JOB’ 🙄

😂😂 it has been pretty chilly! Me and baby are used to being out but you're right. I've suggested meeting at the childrens centre next time. X

This resistance is concerning. I think you need to consider that for yourself.

not really, because it’s not the support worker’s job to see her home. If she has worries about the OP’s parenting she should pass them on to the right service who will determine what course of action if any. If the support worker doesn’t have a remit to assess parenting (which she doesn’t) then she can’t be blamed for not assessing parenting.

I d love a walk I’d find that very refreshing !
but there are insurance, safeguarding , confidentiality , health and safety etc considerations so a public place outside not suitable
maybe the ladies want to sit down in the warm ?

maybe let them come to your home one more time ? Can they come to another home ?