To not want them in my home?

[decorativecushions]

Ok I'll try to keep this short

I have a 10 month old baby and I'm under the perinatal team due to history of OCD and depression. Worth noting i am absolutely fine on the whole! No one has ever raised concerns over my parenting or anything like that.

As well as the psychiatrist team I have a support worker whose role, as i understand, is to provide less medicalised support and a person to talk to.

The first time we met up we had the meeting as a home visit at my house. I'm not a massive fan of having people i don't know that well in my house, especially health professionals. My house is a safe place for me and I would always prefer to meet at a children's centre or out for a walk. Growing up my family had to have visits from health professionals due to my sister being unwell so it makes me feel like my privacy is being invaded and I'm being 'watched' if that makes sense. Basically it makes me really on edge! I explained all this to her.

Anyway, i was hoping to continue doing walks and meeting up with my baby out of the house but the support worker now seems insistent that there needs to be more home visits??! She mentioned that she wanted to visit at home and I told her I'd prefer to meet elsewhere so we arranged a meet at the local park, but when I arrived she called me saying she was at my house and where was i?! It was very confusing. This evening she's texted me saying that she and 'a new care coordinator' would like to visit me at home next week. I've replied back once again asking if we could meet at a park or even the local children's centre as I'd find this easier and more helpful. No reply yet.
As I said earlier there's never been any safeguarding concerns. I live with my husband and our baby. When the support worker visited the house was tidy and well presented. No one has ever raised any concerns and I'm doing absolutely fine aside from occasionally having obsessive thoughts and being a bit low.

Can anyone shed any light on why the support worker is being so insistent on meeting in my house even though I've made it clear on several occasions I'd rather not?

Thanks x

Yes they are mental health support workers. However they operate in a wider team and just because the home environment was OK on one occasion it doesn't mean it continues to be so. Even though OP voluntarily takes part in this form of support it doesn't mean they don't involve other agencies if there are perceived to be issues

This is just scaremongering. Declining home visits is absolutely not in and of itself a welfare or safeguarding concern for the baby and would not trigger anything.

What resistance? Sorry I'm not sure what you mean

@decorativecushions are they provided by social services?.

Hi no its NHS. x

No, this isn’t how things work. Support workers don’t just barge their way into people’s homes on spec in case they might be living in squalor. It’s not their role or remit to assess the home conditions and unless there is evidence of a concern that meets the threshold for social services involvement there is no reason at all for a MH worker to be checking home conditions.

No, it’s not

I literally said it’s unlikely to trigger anything immediately but… read the whole message. And not scaremongering - coming from a place of being very aware of mental health services and how they interlink with social services.

OP said perinatal mental health and has clarified social services aren’t involved.

I'm currently following another thread where a step dad became violent, smashed up parts of the house, and made threats, and the police wouldn't intervene because he can damage property if he chooses and he didn't act on the threats. Yet a woman needing mental health support is told she has to allow people in even though it makes her uncomfortable and upset? Women really do still get the shitty end, don't they?

OP, I would directly address this and say to the team, either in real time or on email, that you'd rather not have meetings at home and they keep ignoring that. You would like them to respect your wishes, and you'd also like them to tell you straight if this is because they have any other concerns, as if so you would like to sort those out.

To go to this level of effort to avoid having people in your home is not typical.

I absolutely understand you, OP. My ex-H was arrested for a crime many years ago, went to trial, lied about what had happened and was treated leniently because he made a big thing about his wife (me) being 3 months pregnant, with 2 small DC, and his MH. His probation officer turned up, without any prior warning or permission, and insisted that he come in. He needed, he said to see exH's living conditions and whether I was part of the problem. I was so shocked that I did as I was bidden, though I mumbled that my home was my safe place and I wasn't keen on it. He insisted. It was part of the due process, he said.

After he had gone I was so angry and upset at the invasion of my little nest that I went out mowed the extensive lawns with the old hand mower, then started to bleed...a miscarriage followed. It absolutely devastated me, a couple of days following being in court, the whole small town knowing about it and looking askance, then 2 days in hospital for a D&C. I saw a psychologist - a man-who asked me why I was so upset about a foetus, and didn't I want to help and support my husband? People forget that for mothers of little ones, their home is something quite primeval. Intruders instinctively constitute a threat to their children's safety, and cause major issues. We are not very far from our primitive ancestors.

They are busy and have lots of people to see. Meeting at a cafe or going for a walk is more time consuming.

Hi OP. MH are NHS. My understanding of a support worker role is the same as yours so I'm not sure why they'd need to come to your home when that increases your anxiety. I would discuss with the care co ordinator (the CPN) what your preferences are and why. Discuss how you feel with the CPN and you can talk about whether this is something you want to resolve or overcome or whether you want to work on other areas of your MH first. It might be they are worried about meeting in public spaces due to confidentiality- you could go to their offices. You could also suggest an online meeting. You could (not saying you should have to) show them your home on a teams call just by walking between rooms might tick whatever box they've got! Mostly engage as much as you can with the CPN who can then direct the support worker- or ask for a new support worker if you haven't bonded with this one.

Good plan! I can understand them not wanting to conduct meet ups outside during winter, but I think if there is resistance to the children's centre they would need to clarify their reason with you.

If it is purely for you benefit then surely their priority is to conduct the meetings where you are most comfortable, not try and force you meetings where it makes you uncomfortable, it can't be that unusual for people to want to meet up outside the family home, especially if there are other people present in the home which would make speaking freely difficult?

FWIW, I only ever had midwives around after I had my DD but I found it incredibly intrusive.

It is. To feel that anxious about someone coming into your home is not a way to live and it is a concern. For the OP. She needs to address it for herself.

It’s entirely her own business whether she wants people in her house. She doesn’t need to address anything!

But if they're there to provide support then surely if I don't find home visits useful then it's counter productive for them to insist on it.

A home visit isn't something I should have to endure when it causes me distress. That would be the opposite of supportive, compassionate care. Me and my baby like getting out and about, baby loves a nature walk in her sling or pram.

I've explained why visits from professionals in my home causes me anxiety. But actually my reasons are irrelevant. She's there to provide support not to make me feel like I'm being scrutinised in my home, which is my safe place.

The support worker has already visited me at home.

Because your insistence on not having them in the house is making them suspicious.

These people are there to support you. I would say they want to see you and baby in your “natural habitat”. Going out for a walk isn’t where you spend most of your time and it isn’t the most appropriate place to discuss confidential, private issues.

It is also highly unusual for parents to refuse a health care worker access to the home unless there is an issue within the home. They can’t “tick the box” to confirm everything is ok if they don’t see you there. It’s not personal or judgemental and probably doesn’t apply to you. However, if they didn’t do it, other babies, parents and children would slip through the net.

She's doesn't need to address it for herself if she doesn't want to. It is a 'normal' response to trauma experienced in childhood such as a sibling being ill enough to require repeated health professional visits at home. Perhaps the OP has other MH difficulties to focus on that are having more of an impact.

Don't make such sweeping judgemental statements to someone who has been brave enough to be vulnerable and ask for advice.

It doesn’t matter if they are suspicious. They have no right to be and no remit to be.

Thinking further ahead, would you be happy to meet at your house and then go for a walk?

Honestly is this person adding anything to your life? If not just say you don't require them anymore but will get back in touch if you change your mind. She has seen your home once she should respect your wishes. If you are getting something from her support just insist that it's at a center somewhere.

Tbf if you're in the uk I wouldnt want to meet in a park its bloody freezing.

I also imagine they need to properly keep an eye on your home setting to support you.

Also they surely arent there that long just get it over with