Sertraline bl**dy hell..!

[AmusedOpalShaker]

Evening everyone,

I am currently sitting at day 5 of 50mg Sertraline for OCD and horrific, horrific intrusive thoughts.

My lord - the side effects are horrendous?!

The sheer uptake in my anxiety, intrusive thoughts, urges, shaking, sickness and lethargy has been awful to try to navigate. I’m so incredibly fortunate that I have supportive family around to look after my DD during this.

i have been on Sertraline before, but like a complete moronhead I stopped taking it, I don’t remember ever having such severe side effects before, though.

Any experiences? I’m looking for horror turned success stories, or just some reassurance really, anything to stop me from chucking them away.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read, have a wonderful evening all xxx

A week with intrusive thoughts behaving themselves sounds like a massive win to me!! Although yes, now you’ve noted that, it will most likely go titties up haha.

I have really been struggling with urges and impulses more lately, rather than the standard intrusive thoughts - however I learnt in the intensive therapy that urges and sensations are also just part of the actual intrusive thought, it’s just the OCD torturing you in different ways.

That knowledge is helpful to me because mine tends to manifest like ‘I feel out of control so let’s go and score drugs, go and gamble all your money, jump in front of that train, harm yourself or everyone near you, do it now now NOOOW. Not later, NOW’.

Not much fun, but hey, thoughts are just thoughts 🤷‍♀️. Judge me on my actions, I’m yet to jump in front of a train or stab anyone, so even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, I’m in control of my actions and me tapping my right foot on the pavement 7 times, reading the fourth word of the first paragraph on my kindle repeatedly or stepping on ONE PARTICULAR PAVING SLAB etc etc probably aren’t really doing too much.

Sorry, my tendency in life is just to combat things with a little dark humour, but I’m trying to feed my little brain with nice things now, rather than just self depreciating remarks and fears. If you fuel your brain with all that stuff then that is what it will continue to regurgitate back to you.

Can you tell I’ve been reading Neuro Linguistic books? 😂 I’ve started my training with OCD Action now also, so interesting!

HRT at 39, sheesh; just to add to the drama! Xx

I am fine thanks @AmusedOpalShaker my main struggle at the moment is rage 😂 which has been constant lately. A combination of coming off HRT and some situations which have made me feel resentful. Anyway, the rage always turns into anxiety, the greater the anger, the more intense the anxiety, and then the fatigue hits. But. Because i now know the sequence of events, I am prepared. I'm consistent with my meds and I pace myself physically. I also don't tell myself off very much, my conscience is sufficient without the internal tellings off. I allow the dark and light to coexist.

Hey everyone.

Been a while hasn’t it, how are you all? I hope you’re all well and in better places now.

I had been doing a lot better on 150mg (5 weeks in), but unfortunately last week my Grandfather passed away.

I put my Nurse head on and pushed through, stayed overnight in hospital, liaising with his teams and advocating for him etc, so I guess as my Granddaughter head wasn’t on it didn’t really hit me at the time.

Anyway, now it has. I feel so anxious, intrusive thoughts are destroying me, my stomach is in anxious knots. A run of two good days are then decimated by 5 awful ones.

I don’t know why I’m posting, you were all such a help before. I feel so incredibly down, and mad again. My OCD is reminding me that it’s there and going to absolutely F me up when I’m sat in the front row at the Crematorium. I’m so scared.

Hey @AmusedOpalShaker 👋 I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad. It was a real act of love to be his advocate in his last days - and its inevitably taken everything you have. I did this for my uncle last year and, whilst I functioned well before his death, the chronic fatigue reared it's head once it was over. Fortunately, he hated funerals and refused to have one so I could collapse and recover in my own time.

You are grieving and have been through trauma. It's no mean feat staying overnight in hospital with a loved one who is dying, knowing their final days depend to a degree on you being there and navigating their care for them. There are many people who would struggle to do that, OCD or not. Many who wouldn't have the strength or presence of mind because it is hard. I wonder if you are asking too much of yourself to think you should be doing as well as you were before and especially as you were only 5 weeks in on that dose...

OCD is managed, ime, not cured. It will find its strength in our times of stress and I wonder if, as a first step, you could just let it be present, let it makes it's threats and not react immediately. Can I ask, how is it planning to f you up in the crematorium? What threats has it made? Let's hear it out.

@AmusedOpalShaker what rubbish news. I am so sorry to hear about your grandad, and also so proud of you for being there for him when be really needed you. It's amazing how when faced with the toughest of times we can manage to dig deep and do what needs to be done. I'm not surprised it's all caught up with you. Grief isn't linear. It doesn't follow the same path for everyone. One step at a time and when that's too much one minute will do.

How are you doing now? It's okay to be down. And feel the way you are. You've come such a long way. Sending unmumsnetty hugs and love x

@Hillsmakeyoustrong Hey there, sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I was busy losing my absolute mind, haha! Oh my OCD was telling me that I am losing control, that I’m going to shout out racist / derogatory insults while sat in the front row with my family, that I was going to start confessing all my secrets to everyone there etc.

Basically the OCD was revolving around me feeling no control of the situation + just the anxiety of the entire thing to be honest. I hate attention and people, so sitting in a front row with an audience who want to speak, it’s my idea of hell.

Buuuuut, the Crem and wake were on Monday, and unless I blacked out, I don’t think I did anything horrendous. I followed the coffin in, sat right at the front with my Daughter, comforted her, remained sitting for 30 emotional minutes while keeping my head up and my breakdown completely internal. The wake was very much the same.

@mrsdiddlydoo thank you for this, now I’m back down on Earth I’m proud of myself as well. Thank you for the hugs and the love, I wish I had you guys with me in real life! Such a support, it’s just lovely. Anyways I’m back in my flat, being a little hermit crab and just taking time to adjust to the new normal.

I hope things are well for you guys x

Hey @AmusedOpalShaker so good to hear from you. Absolutely no need to apologise, losing your mind is a full time job and you just need to look out for yourself in such times. I am so happy that you are through the other side of the funeral and can now grieve in private. You have done incredibly well.

Every single human being has a messy internal life that is not reflected on the outside. You absolutely would not be the only one with overwhelming thoughts and a fear of losing control on that day. Funerals are hellish for even the sane amongst us. You were, however, the one that advocated for your grandad, in his last days, and ensured he had the best death possible, whilst navigating your own mental health crisis. You are amazing. You really are. Keep talking here if you need to xx

Hi @Hillsmakeyoustrong I just had to comment on your line "losing your mind is a full time job" and amen to that. I love it.

And @AmusedOpalShaker I'm so proud of you. Life isn't straight forward. And you have smashed it this week. Don't be a stranger if you are struggling. You deserve that herbit crab time. Take as much of it as you need x

Oh hi, I missed your last couple of posts and am so sorry to hear about your grandad. I’ve lost my gran in September and although not unexpected it hit me really hard.

and you know what, you describing your intrusive thoughts has given me immense comfort. I often worry about the same, me losing it in front of others, laughing uncontrollably like a mad personal basically, the list goes on.

I hope you’re feeling better. I like that you keep updating this thread.

@Hillsmakeyoustrong, @mrsdiddlydoo, @Strawberryfield85

Honestly, I’ve grown to adore you guys, as mad as that sounds! I was reading over this thread from Day One the other day, and the journey has been, well quite something.

You guys have been a constant for me on here with every update good or bad, so thank you all.

Returning back to normality now. I’m increasing to 200mg as of tomorrow, which used to be my dosage in the past and worked so well for me, it’s been a long slow slog of small increases, but I’m happy to be at this point now, nearly there! Never should have stopped, but hey ho.

Anyway, I’m busy being bullied into buying Pumpkins and cobwebs with spiders attached now (just what I need), all in preparation for an outing to Halloween at Kew Gardens on Friday evening..! Extortionate, but happy to be present for the little’un and making happy memories with her.

I hope you’re all doing ok yourselves; any positive stories or progress share it! Or bad times, feel free to vent here always.

xx

@AmusedOpalShaker this post made me smile. Your time to recover is getting so much shorter than at the beginning of this thread, albeit in a period of grieving.

I have twins, so one is Cruella and the other is a dalmatian. Serious power play by the Cruella twin 🤣 but I might find a twist for the dalmatian twin, level the playing field...

Always can be found here x

I LOVE that 😂😂 Such a fantastic idea! The Cruella twin, absolute power play indeed haha, love it.

I had to stop taking it - horrendous side effects

When I started 50mg of Sertraline I had this too for 7 days. I just wanted to hide away, I hardly ate, I hated myself. Day 8 I was miraculously myself again! It's a horrible adjustment period for your brain. Xx

I’m on 100mg at the moment, had reduced from 150 down to 100 then down to 75 over several months but at 75 anxiety was too bad again so went back to 100mg. Main problem are intrusive thoughts and I’ve heard that Sertraline helps best at a high dosage of at least 200mg for that so I’m seeing my gp again to discuss this. The thing is, I reduced because of the side effects (vivid dreams, emotional numbness and just constant chatter in my head but not all the time) and part of me is disappointed it didn’t work, the other part things why not take something that helps me function? I’ve also got health anxiety though and worry about it increasing my blood pressure.
sorry I am just rumbling, but it helps to let it out sometimes. When you took 200mg in the past did it quieten the intrusive thoughts?
I just feel like if I’m taking it anyway I may aswell take a dose that has the maximum effect for me.

Hope Kew was nice :)

What sort of side affects were you having? I seem to have an exploding arse and the sweats!

Apparently Sertraline is supposed to lower blood pressure and heart rate

Hey everyone. I’ve just come to this thread and have found it so helpful and inspiring.
I have anxiety and think I have reassurance-seeking ocd.
For example, I keep on asking my husband to contact an old friend of his, who he’s not bothered about seeing, and it causes a row each time. I then worry about not being able to “stop myself “ asking him about when and if he’s going to contact this friend. It’s been going on for about 10 years, but I can’t seem to let it go. If anything gets on my mind, I have to seek reassurance, or I feel like I can’t contain myself.
It’s not just the friend issue, there’s lots of them that I ask for reassurance about.
I kept asking/checking with my son that he loves me. So sad. But it makes me feel like a terrible person, as once I voice my internal fears, I worry my family think I’m mad, so how can they love me?
sorry to hi-Jack your thread, op, Im
so glad you did the ERP.
I also take sertraline but really struggle to increase the dose from 50g.
Nice to see others are having good days.