Am I bad person by making my partner chose between weed and drink over me and his son!

[Michah89]

Right me and my partner been together 2years and it's been bumpy ride. We lost our daughter October 2023 and then had our son 31st December 2024 but he smokes weed and drinks alot and when he mixes them together he's abusive not violent just says nasty things. Our son is only 4weeks old I do everything night feed nappies and bath time , and he works so I don't expect him to help with night feeds but he smokes that much weed that when he wakes up he don't remember what he's done and when I tell him he says sorry babe but now I've told him sorry ain't good enough anymore so I said you need to chose us or weed and alcohol because our son deserves alot more than a drunk as a dad. I am insecure since being with him that's cos one min he wants me and next he wants rid of me and his son. I am so down and don't know what to do. But I think I might have to leave him cos as he says he's not going to change so that says everything 😭

Right put the kisses to the tattoo artist to one side. All these things make a picture but the biggest thing here is you and baby.

OP genuinely you need support, if I was you I would consider speaking to social services and woman's aid. You need professional help, I don't want to judge but due perhaps to your own childhood and upbringing I don't think you've been modelled what a secure, loving relationship is - or what level of love and security you and your baby deserves.

You are only one month post partum. Life can and will get better if you get away from this man.

I was brought up in care so don't know much of true love is and I have left last night. And the person saying losing another child, I have my other children back so if you haven't got out nice to say don't bother saying anything! No one knows what it's like to be in relationship like that unless you been there yourself.

Stay single OP. Set yourself a time to stay single, something like 5years. You have got massive amounts of work to do on yourself and being with anyone during that time is going to confuse things hugely. Learn to stand on your own two feet, learn to respect yourself, learn to love yourself.

And congrats on working so hard to be able to be with your children again. It just shows how strong you are and you can go it alone.

Well done. You deserve so much better and this is such bad timing, not that there's really a ‘good’ time.

Can you talk to your health visitor? They may be able to signpost you to some really good resources.

You've done the right thing for you and your children OP. Hold your head up high. Look after yourself,then you can, in turn, best look after your babies like you are doing.