Anticipation anxiety

[MyGreenBee]

Hi I’m 24f and have such anticipatory anxiety ( think that’s how it’s said lol) and it’s ruining my life.

I worry about appointments and events months even years in advance and start worrying about every single outcome and from that outcome what will happen etc.

for example I have a checkup at dentist in one months time and I’m going to be discussing possibly getting wisdom teeth out - I’m worried now the appointments not coming quick enough , what my dentist will say , how long it will take to get referred to get them taken out , what will go wrong with the surgery if I have them out - worrying I’m to old to get them out and that it’ll cause complications as most people have them out younger. It just goes on and on and on. I’m googling for hours not sleeping.

It’s not just this but with other things too. I have a wedding next year to attend and I’m panicking about my outfit my conversations with people etc it’s just so exhausting.

I’ve tried to get tips off of my partner as he is so chilled and never seems to worry about anything but I just can’t seem to stop this extreme doom and anxiety.

Does anyone have this kind of anxiety ? How do you deal with it and what do you do to keep calm ? Thank you

I’m finding mumsnet so helpful for advice. 🌸

That sounds very tiring and difficult to deal with.

One thing to do is to pre-choose to do something else when you want to Google whatever it is you are thinking about. Choose a long running TV show and watch some instead, or do craft, baking, meditation, a bath or exercise.

Also write down all the worries. Capture them so your brain doesn't have to keep reminding you.

Are you getting help? If not, read up on the MIND website, call their helpline for advice and of course you can speak to your GP.

That’s such a good idea to distract myself thank you - that may make the 4 weeks I have to wait fly by.

I’m not getting help no I think I may reach out to the mind charity like you suggested as it’s not right for me to be this worried about things! Thank you for getting back to me 🦋

Writing worries down can help, it can stop the catastrophising. I worried about everything for years, I can't remember a time when I wasn't anxious, even as a very young child. The only thing that changed things for me was antidepressants. I realised how 'normal' should feel rather than worrying about every little thing. I no longer take them bit that level of anxiety has never returned.

I agree with pp re distraction. If I am worried about something I find that saying to myself I'll worry about that tomorrow and finding something else to do helps.

Gosh I’m so glad I’m not alone in how I feel ! Catastrophising is the exact word I was looking for and I also feel similarly like I’ve never not felt worried or anxious. That’s great anti depressants worked for you , if counselling doesn’t work for me medication may be the way to go - sometimes I think it’s just the way my brain works ! 💕

CBT will be really useful to you, and your GP can refer you, so please do make an appointment - it may be ‘just the way your brain works’ but that’s no reason not to get treatment to help you. You wouldn’t say it about a physical condition (‘Oh well, my acne ruins my confidence but it’s just how my skin is’) so do seek help.

Is there a 'worrier' in your family?

Yes my mum is such a worrier , from very young it was always worst case scenario - of course it never was perhaps I get it from her :( x

That’s so true yes you wouldn’t say that about a physical condition , I’m going to do some research into that I have heard it’s good. Think I may book that appointment - I’ll try not to worry about said appointment either 😂🌷

You definitely get it from her, and why wouldn't you - she was (probably) the person you learnt most from in the most formative years of your life; for you worrying was completely normal. The good news is that you can break this cycle now so that you don't pass it on to any (hypothetical) children 😊

This is run of the mill anxiety. CBT helps. As does getting older and experience telling you that 99 per cent of the time the thing you spent energy on panicking about never happens - and in fact something totally unexpected occurs instead.

Have a look at this guide and thought record;

https://beckinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Thought-Record-Worksheet.pdf

That’s lovely yes 🌸 , I think we will try for children when I’m 30 , I have 6 years to sort myself out 😂x

Thank you , everyone’s making me feel so much better 🌸

thanks so much for taking time and sending links , it’s my day off today I’m going to relax and read through this . On a quick glance this looks really helpful 💐

I’m the child of two catastrophisers who, if they don’t have enough food for worry in their own lives or their (perfectly fine) adult children’s, will borrow the worries of people they barely know, or just go truffling about looking for problems to inflate. I made an off the cuff remark about my brother and SIL’s house renovations on a family WhatsApp group about eighteen months ago (so minor I can’t even remember what I said), and discovered that my father had misinterpreted it as an indication they were splitting up, and told my mother that, with the result that they worried about this for months (without asking for clarification).

I say all this not to be unsympathetic, but to say that this has had a big negative impact on their lives, and on those around them. None of us ever tell our parents anything, because we then end up having to manage their emotional responses to it. So I’ve gone through cancer and redundancy without telling them, because I couldn’t face the catastrophising. My sister had a traumatic miscarriage without telling them.

Catastrophising is a choice, bluntly. I ‘inherited’ it as a learned behaviour, like you, but I fought it. You can choose to work on it. I’d suggest both therapy, working on mindfulness, and also making sure you have a lot of absorbing things going on in your life.

My partner has similar difficulties. Here are a couple of things we do when he gets locked in to a spiral. Not long term solutions of course, just exercises to arrest things in the moment.

Say the first word that comes into your mind. Start with the first letter and say all the nouns/objects you can think of beginning with that letter. Be quick. When you start to slow down go on to the next letter.

Grab a trusted friend or get them on the phone, preferably someone who shares your sense of humour. Give them the title of your worry eg dentist appointment. Again moving quickly say what you’re worried about, be specific and brief. Keep escalating it up until you get past reasonableness and into the ridiculous. Get your friend to keep prompting you with ‘and then what’

For example - dentist appointment. It’s going to hurt. And then what…I’ll cry and make a fool of myself…she’ll find more problems…more pain…it will cost so much money…I’ll piss myself with the fear…I’ll have to buy new knickers…they’ll have to fumigate the chair…they’ll have to burn the chair…the fire will get out of control and burn down the building…the fire will spread to M&S next door where I’m trying g to buy knickers…I’ll give up and get the bus home wearing no knickers…somehow this all ends up with a zombie apocalypse. You get the drift!

As others have pointed out it is also learned behaviour - I learned it from my mother too.

I was like you at your age, and my mum suffered from anxiety also.
What worked well for me was to change the way I looked at the worrying things (on the advice of an older, wiser friend).
So, your dental appt. Focus more on the positives, ie your teeth will likely be healthier, trust that the dentist will do their best for you, there will be benefits to you. Nobody likes the dentist. Most people would rather not go.
The wedding. Just wear something nice that suits you. Don't worry about other people's opinions. In reality, nobody cares, since it is the bride's big day, all eyes will be on her.
Think of it as training yourself to look at issues in a "different" way. Remember that most people have anxiety and worries of some sort in their lives - it is the human condition and is normal. Look after yourself. 💐

I have this and it was absolutely vile in my younger years. My mum is a worrier type and not good in dealing with life stuff so I think I’ve got it from her. I still got anxiety but it’s more manageable, I never took medications.
I wouldn’t discuss problems/ issues with your mum as her reaction might set your anxiety off. I’ll try to reframe your worries about upcoming events as planning: you do list of questions and research them but be careful to use reputable sources for research. I do lots of lists.
Take a list of questions to the appointment, in some cases you can come a few days before and ask some of you questions at the reception e.g with dental appointment.
Try not to overload yourself before bedtime and start planning something positive for after the event while waiting to district yourself e.g weekend away or even trip to a cinema.
Try to have various experiences however small to increase your confidence especially experiences when you can’t plan all details or predict the outcomes.

@MurdoMunro that's brilliant! I could see you as a female Mr Bean!

Never underestimate the power of humour in a stressful situation.

This is such good advice because I just laughed out loud at your response !! I’m going to do this thanks so much 😂xx

And I agree with @Chocolately examples of looking at things differently, especially the wedding one. I started doing this, literally saying to myself : it’s not about me, it’s not about me. I openly say it to DH in some cases and it helps.
I think there is no one magic solution but rather a lot of different things.

It is hard feeling like this, I can very much be the same, my DH is the opposite, so chill, i envy him. I just try to be more him, just live in the moment, try and prepare as best I can for something and then "park" it and enjoy life. I am awaiting cataract surgery which I am dreading, no idea when, need both eyes done - eeeekkk, it could really stress me out. However, I have thought through/prepared for aftercare as much as I can and am just putting it out of my mind. When it happens I will just concentrate on being calm and knowing it will soon be over.

Oh and I also have a worrying mum! I have really tried hard to not pass it on to my dds and fortunately they do not seem to have the same anxious nature. Also agree with CBT, it doesn't work miracles but it does help change your thinking when you are staring to spiral.