Empty nest depression

[Georgeismydog]

Really, really struggling, feeling low, depressed, crying etc. On antidepressants but not feeling better

Looking into pointless hobbies and volunteering but whatever pointless things that I can do to fill my time.

It's really tough isn't it? I didn't think I would feel so bad. Going out for walks helps and I'm teaching myself to play the piano. I don't really have any other ideas. It's awful.

Kindly, why are you looking into "pointless" hobbies OP? You need a purpose FFS. No wonder you're getting depressed. Find something you find fulfilling otherwise you aren't going to ever get better.

Once you start doing things rather than looking into them you will start to find a way forward

Sometimes you just have to go through the motions until your head resets

PauliesWalnuts because everything seems pointless to me compared with raising my kids. So fecking lonely and depressed

midgetastic went along to the WI last week, it was OK but tbh I wasn't really in the right mindset. I felt depressed before I even went in and came away feeling even more depressed when the meeting was about incontinence

Has your child gone to uni?

LoafofSellotape I am embarrassed to say no still at home. But I miss the feeling of being "needed" and nothing else feels that hole

Have you got anything else going on in your life? A relationship? Job?

You need a purpose that feels as important to you as raising your children did. You need to find a way to change the narrative in your head that the only purposeful thing you will ever do is raise children. Speaking to someone might help. There are loads of other purposeful avenues open to you once you address that aspect in your mindset. You might have to also learn how to sit with the discomfort of the sad and lonely feelings that are coming up for you so that they can pass instead of you getting stuck in them.

Do you still see your children often? Creating a relationship with them that works for you now and for the future so based on trips seeing places you’d like or doing things you’d like is worthwhile.

My eldest is at uni we do a bit of sea swimming together for example. We are planning on heading to an upcoming gig and we are looking at a possible show. We both enjoy it. We are just adapting our relationship to one between adults.

You are still needed. The way they need you will have changed as it did the whole way through their lives but you are needed.

Don't be embarrassed x

I think fake it until you make it,keep taking your meds and keep going to WI ( I didn't go to the talk on incontinence,ffs I have no idea why they booked that 🙄) The talks in my experience are really interesting and there are lots of off shoot groups like walking groups and book club. I've made really good friends through going.

Do you get out every day? Fresh air really helps. Things do settle down and become your new normal. I like getting things in the diary so I have something to look forward to. Can you book a pub lunch or make a monthly Sunday roast, invite kids' GF 's/BF's round too if they have them?

Keep going 💐

Yellowseat I had an abusive childhood and put everything into raising my kids. Nothing else feels even close

Aw I’m really sorry to hear that. I can empathise with that because I experienced an abusive childhood too. I had to unpack that a lot to learn how to be happy because I couldn’t be happy for a long time. I definitely think that your childhood is an enormous part of what you are experiencing with this. I really am so sorry for you.

I often read threads on here about mums who give up everything when they have kids, I fear this is the result.
You are a person in your own right not just a mum, find things that interest you, get out for a walk every day, maybe consider a for if your circumstances allow it.

Could you maybe think about joining some kind of mentoring scheme to support children or teenagers? Maybe that would help you use your skills and would feel less pointless.

A lot of my friends who would have also experienced quite a bit of shit earlier in their lives are blaming menopause for their current mental states and I think while of course menopause contributes this an element of childhood issues really start coming to the surface when those hormones that push us along through the day reduce. It is almost like the past catching up on you. I definitely felt it earlier than most but that was because my family issues caught up with me in my late thirties so I had to finally deal with them.

You haven’t got an empty nest then.

Yellowseat 100% - menopause is definitely a cause. On HRT but not even touching all the feeting hormones

StepawayfromtheLindors nope but they are hardly at home these days so feels like it

Volunteering isn't pointless. If you find the right thing it can be great fun, a whole new purpose.

The fact they've not even left home suggests you're being a bit dramatic and feeling sorry for yourself.
No need for this OTT behaviour

SnoopysHoose I know but there we are

If you know you're being unnecessarily upset then you need to fill your time, you've a lifetime in front of you.
Do you have a dog? maybe look into an activity with the dog? there's endless volunteer opportunities, I work full time and run a charity.

I was going to say this. Would nurturing something else help?

Kids are always going to need their Mum, doesn’t matter how old they are, my 4 are always on the phone or the WhatsApp family chat. By 10am I have already heard from them all, a good day only two actually wanted something, childcare and phone problem.
I come from big family we have a saying “No news is good news!”
I agree get a dog, very sociable taking dog out and gives structure to your day. My family have a lot of involvement with our local hospice, delivering meals, helping with fundraising etc. Very worthwhile.

It suggests depression , perhaps you should read up on it or perhaps not post on a thread you early know nothing about and have zero empathy for.