Empty nest depression

[Georgeismydog]

Really, really struggling, feeling low, depressed, crying etc. On antidepressants but not feeling better

Looking into pointless hobbies and volunteering but whatever pointless things that I can do to fill my time.

Fostering?

I sympathise, it's awful. You do get used to it though, honestly. When they come home for a visit it's lovely and more special. You will find your way, I promise.

I can only imagine how hard this and I believe you about how you're feeling.

I don't think it's been that helpful describing it as 'empty nest' mind because they haven't moved out but yet quite a few people are answering it as if they have completely moved out.

I hope you find a way to feel better OP x

I never want an empty nest so.i became a Foster carer and adoptor. would that be an option? . I know lots of parents of older children who have done the same and for the same reason.

On that basis: find a therapist.

I would be willing to bet that a lot of this is actually delayed grief for your own childhood that you buried in childraising and now that strategy for burying your feelings has run out of road. You need a professional to help you pick through this, if possible.

They still live at home

Agreed.

But they’re still at home! It’s normal for older teenagers not to be around very much. They’re starting to detach from you which is a healthy normal process. Don’t hold them back.

You seem overly enmeshed with your children. Maybe look into some therapy.

I feel for you. I suffered terribly when both my DS went to Uni. I felt utterly bereft for a long time. But the feeling did shift and life found a new balance. Things that helped me included therapy (CBT), walking, seeing friends and taking up a new hobby. A regular cardio class, such as spin, was super helpful for shifting a mood when I felt particularly overwhelmed by sad thoughts. I am not saying it was easy to get past the empty nest sadness but taking small steps each day did make a difference. Gradually the mood lifted. Wishing you strength to push through. x

It's a big bad that so many people replying think they've moved out and are giving replies as such 🙈

Assuming you want the best for your children, you need to get therapy. Your reaction to their (healthy) increasing independence will damage them.

@anotherglass
They haven't left home!!

I feel for you. I’ve got one at home but she’s either out or in her room. We rarely chat like we used to and so I’ve had to get myself out more. I enjoy walking with my dog and other dog walkers stop and chat, I enjoy shopping so take myself off after payday and treat myself to something nice along with coffee and cake.

I plan on volunteering but need to find my thing. It can be done, please keep trying. I’m on ADs as I was so very low so take what help you can get.

The OP title was a bit misleading but I totally get it and have been struggling massively too. I have two at uni and two teenagers at home (15 and 17) and it is very tough to transition through the different stages.

I thought I would benfinr as I have a career and in a senior, demanding job, but somehow this hasn't helped much. Well it isnat times a distraction but it doesn't help with the emotional side of things. It's like it's using a different part of the brain.

I do all the things suggested on here: I have a busy life, hobbies, an ok social life and see and do things with the kids regularly. On paper ot's fine, but I find myself struggling regularly and have regularly burst into tears or got overly emotional about things.

I suspect it's a fairly normal phase many parents go through, especially mothers... to those who talk about a difficult childhood resurfacing, I actually think this could be the case too. It's crossed my mind....

I am sorry for being not much help but you have a lot of empathy from me!

It's very tough - DD is away at Uni but I understand how you feel if DC are never home or just spend time in their rooms.
I just came on to say that I found some volunteering with children. It took a while for me to feel like I really enjoyed it and was useful, so do give things a bit of a chance. I now really look forward to it now I've found my feet but it did take quite a number of weeks really.

I hope you feel better soon.