How Can I Help My Brother?

[OhRightOk]

Name changed.

My brother is in his early 30s and for the past 15 years or so he has become more and more reclusive

In hindsight he showed ASD tendencies at school but it was less commonly diagnosed at the time and by the time his problems became obvious he was old enough to refuse to engage with support services.

After school he quickly dropped out of university and worked sporadically until he stopping altogether. For the last 10 years he has lived in a house owned by my parents.

They pay for electricity, council tax etc. He has no income other than a few pounds here and there buying and selling stuff on eBay, which he spends on food.

He barely leaves the house other than an occasional visit to the shops. He lives nocturnally and literally doesn't talk to anyone - no friends and he won't talk to anyone in the family. He'll literally blank us or act with aggression and hostility if he feels cornered.

He just wants to be left alone, which would be fine except that he is dependant on my parents, despite refusing to talk to them and treating them appallingly. They can't afford to keep funding his home, which was supposed to be a retirement income for them. However, it is impossible to communicate with him about any kind of alternative.

We are pretty sure that there are underlying mental health issues, possible depression, anxiety, ASD. However, he will not engage with any health or social professionals and they obviously cannot force him to.

We've been told that the only way of getting support is to force a crisis by withdrawing any financial support, leading to utilities being cut off, homelessness etc. we are understandably reluctant to do this - our feeling is that he would rather starve himself/live without electricity/live on the streets than engage with anyone.

We're at our wits end and can't see any way to break this cycle. He is only becoming more withdrawn and aggressive over time. In previous years he would spend some time with family over Christmas but not this year.

Can anyone offer us any advice or point us in the direction of any support?

Thanks for reading.

To reassure you No you don’t need to orchestrate homelessness
Ask local authority for a care act assessment
GP referral to community mental health team
Apply for benefits which should include HB ask GP for support letter for PIP
Google local Mind and https://www.lawcentres.org.uk/get-help free law centre

he is a vulnerable adult

He needs to be assessed so that he can get government allowances and become less of a burden. I think a referral to adult social services would be a good start.

Unlikely to get housing benefit when renting form parents unless the house has been commercially let before.

Yes, I read it as the tenancy was potentially not sustainable

Thank you. To clarify, whilst finances are difficult, the overriding priority is to try and get him support and hopefully improve his quality of life. He is certainly vulnerable. I do think that if he had some financial support it would reduce his dependency on my parents and take some pressure off that relationship.

Our understanding was that Social services would be unlikely to persist with a case if my brother refuses to talk to them (which would almost certainly happen). Do you think that is incorrect. We'd worried that, if that was the case, involving them would be counter productive. At this stage, though, there probably isn't anything to lose

If they can't afford to keep funding him then they should write a letter telling him he has until such a date to apply for benefits.

You could contact Rethink for advice and phone adult social services for a chat about your options.

You could also contact his GP and let them know the situation. The GP would also know what support was available locally.

Can you phone your gp and inform them off the situation? They won’t be able to discuss him, as such, but you can provide them with the information, and ask if they could do a home visit.

Thanks for the input. I will try contacting rethink

Sorry I didn't put this detail in the original post - we have tried a lot of things including writing very similar letters. But he won't acknowledge them or act upon any requests like this. What consequences do you apply if he doesn't meet the deadline?

We've tried things like removing internet access but this just further restricted his contact with the outside and removed his only way of making money (ebay). At one point he couldn't afford food and was basically starving himself. But he still wouldn't engage with anyone.

His GP has visited him at home more than once, but had ended up talking to him through his bedroom door, with no response, and then leaving with no further action. We fear this is what would happen with a social worker too. The interference (as he sees it) then makes him even more hostile and unwilling to engage with us.

You just let people know that his parents are withdrawing help at a certain date. His GP should know support services and social services should do an assessment.

If he's so mentally incapacitated he'll sit in the dark starving to death, the best thing is for him to be sectioned. At least then he should be treated and linked up to services.

You sound you you’ve tried everything. Maybe getting him sectioned is the best way forward. Probably not what you want to hear, but maybe it’s time to take this drastic step.

Google your mental health trust they’ll have a 24h crisis line - call that
GP and or family Make a referral to mental health trust - single point access SPA .
emphasise social isolation
socially withdrawn
inadequate ADL skills
self neglect
low mood
poor judgement
declining statutory intervention
the GP visit when he would not open door

yes he can decline the care act assessment and isn’t compelled to participate

I would persist down mental health route ask for an assessment

Depending on the outcome of SPA may potentially need a mental health act assessment (takes planning and time)

Hope this resolves satisfactorily and he get support