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Original poster

Abused to the point of wanting to die

34 replies

matilda1077 · 23/12/2024 17:33

A few examples of the messages I've received from my daughter's dad over the last few days. I've had years of emotional and financial abuse. We are seperated but living together and he's been making life hell. I had one night out with my friend for Christmas brunch and was called a grotty mother because I gave out my number to someone (I didn't reply to his messages as wasn't interested).

I've been pushed and pushed to the brink and I think I'm ready to end my life. I can't see a world where the abuse will ever stop. He said I spread pain into everyone's lives and I don't want to do that to my daughters. Think I'm better off not here

Abused to the point of wanting to die
Abused to the point of wanting to die
Abused to the point of wanting to die
OP posts:
User346897543 · 23/12/2024 17:36

Why are you still living together ?

Crushed23 · 23/12/2024 17:38

The poor spelling and grammar made that painful to read, let alone anything else. He sounds like a fucking moron.

Anyway, ignore him and focus on moving out in the new year. Then block him.

creamsnugjumper · 23/12/2024 17:38

Op do you have anywhere else you can go and someone in real life you can talk to about this?

FeliznaviDogs · 23/12/2024 17:39

Please don’t do anything that you can’t undo. If you’re seriously considering hurting yourself please ring Samaritans and speak to them.
0330 094 5717

ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2024 17:41

He said I spread pain into everyone's lives and I don't want to do that to my daughters.

From those messages, that's arse about face. He's causing you pain, and doesn't seem to have taken on board the harm he's doing to your kids.

Please do take your daughters and go to your mum's away from this horrible man.

Imtheproblemforsure · 23/12/2024 17:41

Can you go to your mums like you mentioned I think it will
be safer for you all

Original poster
matilda1077 · 23/12/2024 17:42

We share a mortgage and I can't afford to go anywhere else until the house is sold. He won't leave either. No family to take us in.

He's just beating me down so much
Has told everyone today that I've cheated on him by sleeping with someone on my night out when I didn't go near anyone. He was the same last time we split. He's impossible to get away from and doesn't let up. He wanted to break me and he has. He has the girls tomorrow so I think I'm just done. There doesn't seem any other way out

OP posts:
loveforautumn · 23/12/2024 17:43

Hes fuming because he's losing control of you. Living in the same house will never work, you need to leave ASAP if possible

Dery · 23/12/2024 17:43

OP - your children need you. Please speak to someone about how you’re feeling. The Samaritans can be great to speak to (I rang them a couple of times when I was struggling many years ago). This will pass.

TwilightCat · 23/12/2024 17:45

Don’t end your life over this miserable excuse of a man. Things are bleak now but disengage with him as much as you possibly can. In other words, no texting unless it’s about the children or something necessary relating bills / the house / etc. Keep away from him as much as possible (hard I know). Once the house sells (and it WILL sell), things will start to turn around. His words are NOT the truth. They are poison.

Dery · 23/12/2024 17:45

OP - please, please stay alive for your children. They need you. Don’t leave them with this man as their sole parent. If you hurt yourself, you increase the chance that they will do the same to themselves in the future. This is horrible right now but it will pass. Please speak to the Samaritans. Can the friend you were with support you?

Islandlover · 23/12/2024 17:47

are you uk based? Phone the Samaritans now 116 123

YouMeandBrie · 23/12/2024 17:48

Don’t let him win. In a year or two you will be away from all this and happy.

2025willbemytime · 23/12/2024 17:48

I've not read the texts but believe me he's not worth dying over. You can't want your kids to feel they weren't enough for you to stay.

As an aside, don't give your number to anyone you're not interested in and probably don't for quite a while. You're not ready.

Azandme · 23/12/2024 17:49

If any of my family or friends were in your shoes I'd find space for them in a heartbeat.

He has emotiinally abused you to the point that you're contemplating suicide - and that's horrific. You need to leave, even if that means a refuge, or sofa surfing. Once you're away from him you will feel so much lighter. Call Women's Aid as soon as you can.

Your girls need you, otherwise he'll raise them alone - and what happens when they push back? How will he react to that? He is not a good man, don't destroy yours and your girls' futures over him.

Azandme · 23/12/2024 17:51

matilda1077 · 23/12/2024 17:42

We share a mortgage and I can't afford to go anywhere else until the house is sold. He won't leave either. No family to take us in.

He's just beating me down so much
Has told everyone today that I've cheated on him by sleeping with someone on my night out when I didn't go near anyone. He was the same last time we split. He's impossible to get away from and doesn't let up. He wanted to break me and he has. He has the girls tomorrow so I think I'm just done. There doesn't seem any other way out

You can't cheat on someone you aren't in a relationship with. You could sleep with a whole football team and it wouldn't be cheating - or any of his damn business.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 23/12/2024 17:51

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear what you're going through.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health

TwilightSkies · 23/12/2024 17:55

He is a piece of scum and his words mean NOTHING. He’s abusive. Don’t let a worthless pathetic excuse of a man make you feel so low. You are worth so much more. Put your energy into you and your children. He’s a waste of space.

Moier · 23/12/2024 17:56

matilda1077 · 23/12/2024 17:42

We share a mortgage and I can't afford to go anywhere else until the house is sold. He won't leave either. No family to take us in.

He's just beating me down so much
Has told everyone today that I've cheated on him by sleeping with someone on my night out when I didn't go near anyone. He was the same last time we split. He's impossible to get away from and doesn't let up. He wanted to break me and he has. He has the girls tomorrow so I think I'm just done. There doesn't seem any other way out

You said you could go to your Mums .
That is the right thing to do
. Right this minute

XChrome · 23/12/2024 17:57

Please, please, please don't commit suicide over this worthless POS. Block him from texting you these abusive messages, but be sure to save them. They might be handy to use to get an order of protection at some point. Once he is gone you will feel so much better. Remember that the pain of being with an abuser is finite as long as you continue to work on getting free.

XChrome · 23/12/2024 17:59

Azandme · 23/12/2024 17:49

If any of my family or friends were in your shoes I'd find space for them in a heartbeat.

He has emotiinally abused you to the point that you're contemplating suicide - and that's horrific. You need to leave, even if that means a refuge, or sofa surfing. Once you're away from him you will feel so much lighter. Call Women's Aid as soon as you can.

Your girls need you, otherwise he'll raise them alone - and what happens when they push back? How will he react to that? He is not a good man, don't destroy yours and your girls' futures over him.

Edited

Exactly. This abusive turd cannot be allowed to be the sole parent.

Original poster
matilda1077 · 23/12/2024 18:06

I did ask my mum, she said we could stay for a couple of days but it's not a permanent fix. I can't get any help with housing because I have a mortgage. I can't afford anywhere else without the house proceeds. I can't afford to pay him half of the bills from 1st Jan. he already makes me cover £900 of bills which eats up my whole wage (I work P/T around school hours. I can't see a way of ever getting out.

Hes never hurt the children, although he does smoke weed everyday. They do really love him, which makes me think maybe I really am the issue and once I'm gone they can all be happy.

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 23/12/2024 18:11

Phone your mum or a friend. Hold on op, it'll get easier. Just think of the kids and how much they need you. You've been so strong to tell him it's over, this is him acting out because he's losing controlling over you. Record everything and phone the police the second he escalates and make them get him to leave

icelolly12 · 23/12/2024 18:12

Go to your Mums with your girls. I'm sure if she sees the messages he's sending you she will help you out. Get the house up for sale asap.

TwilightSkies · 23/12/2024 18:30

He’s the issue! You aren’t seeing clearly. He’s a shit dad if he’s abusing you like this. You can have a good life free of him. Turn your sadness into anger and use that energy to make a plan for your future.