Andysmanclub

[Motherdoingitonherown]

I’m writing this mother to mother, I am the mother to Andy’s only child who Andy’smanclub “is in memory of”. The club is potentially going to kill my little girl for years she has struggled with the consistent reminder in her face everywhere she goes on top of the grief she’s autistic. She’s been bullied in school at the fact her daddy killed himself due to her asd she can’t control her emotions when children wear the wristbands etc so thankfully her primary school has banned it as they have also recognised it as a damaging trigger but I’m terrified for high school as you can understand. Last month she tried taking her own life again running into a main road after seeing a car sticker and now under camhs crisis team as she wants to be with her dad. I have begged the family for years to change the name/logo but keep the club as it is a fantastic idea but apparently “you can’t change the name/it’s too much work” I have all the proof of this. Her camhs crisis support worker said to me she thought the club was amazing until meeting my daughter and seeing what damage it has/is doing to her but that’s the problem no one knows so I’m not keeping my mouth closed anymore I’ve done my best to protect her for the past 8 years with no support but the club is only growing bigger and so is she to the world.
I need to protect to my daughter so this is a plea mother to mother please stop promoting/driving round with the Andy’smanclub stickers although it might be helping other my innocent 10 year old daughter shouldn’t be at that cost.
feel free to share the dark truth and any recommendations… what would you do if it was your daughter ?

As a mother this is heartbreaking to hear, surely given the fact she is andys daughter, she should be given full priority over her mental health.
Knowing this, it is obviously her grandmother and uncle who started the club and won't do this for her, what type of person does that to a child especially their own family, it's sickening.
The name of the club must changed to save this child, I couldn't bear the thought of losing mine at such a young age.
My heart goes out to you both xxx

Hey, OP, I must live pretty near you (Calder Valley). I am so very sorry to hear what your daughter has been going through. I had no idea of this sad backstory and will really pay heed to what you have asked.
All the very best to you and your daughter 💐

I am so sorry to hear how this is affecting your daughter and you. 💐

Do the people with power to do something about it understand how serious this has become? You could move, as this is not such a major movement in other areas but you shouldn’t have to…

How can we best support you? Is it worth one last attempt to persuade them?

Are school children wearing andymanclub wristbands? I can’t see it having much appeal to them.

I can’t say I’ve ever seen a car sticker either tbh, and I’ve just looked up their logo and it’s the ‘ok’ signal, which surely she sees in other context?

Around here (Halifax, West Yorkshire area) it is very big and visible and has a lot of resonance, as is where it was founded. I can really see how Andy's poor daughter is surrounded by these constant reminders.

@NantesElephant sorry for late response it’s been another day at the hospital she’s now having daily intervention from cahms starting tomorrow and suffering with trauma caused psychosis… yes they do know apparently the club is Andy’s legacy and not his daughter all professionals working with her are disgusted and I’m broken, I’ve begged them numerous times for years I’ve attached a couple of screenshots below the club is more important to them (please mind my language as you can understand it’s not been easy).
Unfortunately I think moving away is our only option but it also means moving away from her family and friends that do love her I’m scared that will do more damage and we will solely be on our own.

I don’t think you should be posting that private conversation on here without the permission of the other party.

@Jawandmoan if it were my daughter I would 100% call out everyone who were a constant threat to my child life. This is forum for support, your opinion is not valid here! Don't you think this parent has got enough on her plate, doesn't need your opinion to add to that, be more respectful as her daughter is at serious risk!!!

Hello

We're just letting you know that we have removed the photos from your post, as they contained identifying information. Please feel free to repost with the necessary edits.

I am sorry, it sounds really difficult.

It’s something of a nuclear option but if you’ve already complained in writing to the trustees, explained what is harmful for your daughter and what actions you want them to take to remedy it, and they still haven’t responded, you could file a complaint with the Charity Commission. They are under resourced, and it may take time, but worth a try?

Complain to the Charity Commission if a charity is, for example:

• not doing what it claims to do
• losing lots of money
• harming people
• being used for personal profit or gain
• involved in illegal activity

https://forms.charitycommission.gov.uk/raising-concerns/

You could ask professionals working with your daughter if they would be willing to write a letter as evidence to submit to the charity commission.

I don’t think complaining to the charity commission will help as the charity haven’t done anything wrong.

So a mental health charity is destroying a child's mental health, who is also her family member, is not doing anything wrong?

I don’t think they are destroying her mental health though and they are doing a huge amount of good supporting their members.
The school needs to deal with the bullying and the child’s mental health team need to work on developing coping strategies for her.
She obviously needs a lot of help and support but I don’t see why the charity are to blame or why changing its name will help her.

There is no need to be so spiteful to me when I am just expressing my opinion. The charity is not going to change its name and I doubt that would help the child much anyway.

Keep your opinion to yourself unless it's something that will help. Do you suffer from mental health? Have children? I know I would move heaven and earth to help my child and protect them. The name change would help massively so she doesn't have to see her dad's name everywhere!

@Jawandmoan no they probably won’t change it’s name or logo as to them “the club is his legacy” not his only child who’s nearly been ran over on several occasions from seeing a car sticker and running into traffic. And just to clarify she walks past MIND and other mental health charities absolutely fine so yes the club name/logo is a constant reminder and unfortunately a trigger to her

I really hope your daughter can get the help she needs.

I have to agree with this. I think the car stickers are a red herring and she’s clearly in a very bad headspace (understandable) but she needs to get help to find a coping mechanism as running into traffic from seeing a sticker is crazy.

When someone nuerodiverse never mind with the trauma on top like what this child has been through when in a state of high anxiety or flooded with sensory input the brain can become overwhelmed and demand a fight, flight, or freeze response from the body unfortunately in this case the child’s response is obviously flight and by the sounds of it the family have known for many years not only that she’s autistic but that it’s causing her pain so really they should have changed the link when the mother first asked them to and avoided this crisis state. wouldn’t it hurt you if your dad died by suicide and it was a constant daily reminder? as an adult it would hurt to see never mind being a child especially a child that’s neurodiverse and struggles. I think now she’s bigger the mother is struggling to keep her safe

This is so tough, I can see why as her mother you are so desperate to help her, but you've said yourself they won't change it. And I think that's a good thing I'm afraid- prepared to be flamed.

She needs all the help and support possible to learn that Andy's Man Club is an amazing, positive, life saving gift that her father is providing for thousands of men across the country. She should be so so proud that so many men are no longer struggling alone.

But I accept she's only little and it's so hard for her.

Maybe if they were a family unit to her and supported her through it at all then yh maybe she would be better with it but sadly the amount of rejection and feeling like they’re just using her daddy’s name and not caring about her hasn’t helped and I can understand that. She knows the idea of the club is amazing (my friend also funds a well known mh charity) she says that herself but I think the bullying, rejection and reminder is a consistent trigger that’s why she wants it changing and not knowing what it’s changed to.

she's spoken to her dads mom tonight about it and said all this but given her grandmas reaction after her telling her how bad she’s struggling herself she’s asked to look for areas to move away to if anyone can recommend an area it’s not known with a SEN high school would be amazing 🙏

But she will know what it's changed to, I'd think- a friend will tell her or she'll see it somewhere.

I think it's everywhere, we're in the depths of Scotland and I know at least 3.

No she won't her friends are all young not to know so she won't know until she's old enough. I don't understand why a lot of these comments are so insensitive to a 10 year old child who has almost been killed by running into a road over a sticker. If the sticker was changed she wouldn't know, there are other MH charities that don't trigger her so why wouldn't a change of name help her?

I'm not being insensitive, or meaning to, I'm being realistic.

Say they change the name for her, to 'Johns man club'. Over 250 clubs in the UK change all of their branding, their signs, their sponsorship signs, the hoodies and t-shirts their 3000|+ members wear, their car stickers, etc.

And then someone tells her. Or she learns it through another means. Hears her granny mention it. Then what? Change it all again?

My point is that it won't happen. It's too deep, it's too far gone now after 8 years. I am genuinely so sorry for her that she's struggling, I said that. But we need to be realistic here, a change of name isn't what she needs.

She needs all the support in the world over the loss of her dad and how it triggers her, but a change of name isn't it.