I am so so scared to try antidepressants because of the initial side effects, how can I push myself to do this?

[RJB73]

I have had a prescription for Escitalopram sitting on my kitchen table for months and am terrified to try them. Yes, I know that sounds pathetic and childish, I am a 51 year old woman ffs but I suffer from gut issues and struggling with daily bowel problems is driving my anxiety and I have developed a kind of diarrhoea phobia and as one of the top side effects from antidepressants noted is diarrhoea this sets my anxiety sky high just thinking about it.

BUT the current state of my mental health is really not good. I have suffered with anxiety and ocd since a small child and then depression in later life. No matter how many cbt, counselling sessions, relaxation adn meditation, healthy clean living and exercise I do I have never been able to rid myself of poor mental health.

I worry about literally everything from the moment I wake until I go to sleep (sleep is my saving grace and it's all I want to to tbh), daytime living is not a pleasure for me, I drag myself through the day until I can sleep all my worries away.

I know that I can not carry on like this as it is having such a detrimental effect on every aspect of my life right now. This is a typical 'schedule' of my worry on an average day,

Worry endlessly about my 19 and 16 year old. Constantly wishing they were young again when I knew where they are and what they were doing. My dd16 starts her first day of her weekend job in a shop today and I am in bits stressing that she will be ok.

Constant every day concern about my elderly parents. Mum has dementia, breast cancer and a chronic leukaemia. I see them 5 times a week and am constantly on edge worrying what will be on the horizon when it comes to them. This in itself is beyond exhausting.

I have also lost my part time job this week and right before Christmas too so that will add extra stress. How can I even think about looking for more work when I feel so wretched?

On top of this anxiety and stress my guts will not work right no matter what I do to help them. I have a constant stomach ache, am bloated and uncomfortable, have diarrhoea and constipation, feel nauseous all the time and never know when I might need the loo which is very inconvenient and adds to my stress, it's a horrid vicious cycle. Throw in perimenopause and pain from my endometriosis and staying in my bed is becoming a more and more appealing option every waking moment.

I know that I am probably a good candidate for antidepressants right now as I am at rock bottom but I just can not overcome the fear of feeling worse than I already do. I really don't know if I can tolerate that.

Sorry that was a very long winded post to basically ask what should I do!?

Ask your Doctor for the lowest dose you can have and work up. Failing that take one every other day. The side effects do pass quite quickly and it's worth it.

I know how you feel. Could you have a couple of days where your diary is clear and you could be at home, with nice food, films etc and accept you might feel a bit rubbish and just go for it? It sounds like you are in a horrible place and you might have zero side effects. You could keep posting here and we can hold your hand.

Don't read the leaflet!

OK too late now but most people will not get any side effects. For those that do, most will be mild or wear off quickly. And if they don't, well there are loads of others to try.

First time I had antidepressants I had horrible nausea for 2 weeks. But it wore off and honestly it was worth it for not feeling depressed.

Never had any side effects since and I am years in now.

Thank you, I've been given 10mg and was thinking cutting them in half.

Thank you so much. I think I will have to see losing my job as an opportunity to take a few weeks out and just go for it, at least I won't have the worry of having symptoms and needing to get to work.
Sorry you are struggling too.

Thank you, that is reassuring. I'm making the stupid mistake of searching on SM for positive stories but of course it's mainly negative stuff. I know that's because those who have had great experiences with antidepressants are out there living their lives, most don't think to upload their positive experiences.

Yes I was almost exactly the same as you 2 years ago. Same age, same peri, digestive health and family worries and issues. Feeling very low, anxious and unwell.

I was prescribed sertraline. I cut them in half and began taking them at midday.
They made me very sleepy for the afternoon for the first few weeks. They numbed me to the worry almost immediately which was a huge relief.
My anxiety spiked on days 8-12 (this is very normal and expected according to many reviews) but I rode the waves and within 8/10 weeks I was feeling better than I had in 20 years. I now enjoy things, still laugh and cry but don't feel the overwhelming hopelessness and anxiety that I did before I started.

It's scary, just have a little faith.

PS I stopped halving the tablets 2 weeks in, and now have been on the same very low dose for over 2 years.

I can't see that I would ever want to stop taking them now, and I wish I'd started them a year or two earlier than I did.

I’m on Fluoxetine and the initial couple of weeks of side effects were not great, namely much worse anxiety ironically. I pushed through and am glad I did. I feel more normal.

I have similar stomach issues and I've taken a variety of ADs over my life and none have ever had any impact (other than one random one which made me feel very sick). Escitalopram is generally one of the best tolerated ADs.

Thank you. I know I'll need to ride it through, it scares the living daylights out of me but so does the thought of living like this for years on end.

Thank you CatPlanet mynameiscalypso

At least you will know why you are feeling the difficult feelings.

I just kept thinking: at least the side affects are proof the tablets are doing something.

Honestly, it's worth it, it really is. I got my entire life back.

I long for my old life back.

I’ve had antidepressants a few times and didn’t have any side effects.

Longing for past life I identify with.
Currently at rock bottom so feel what you’re saying.

I started Escitalopram on drops. Each drop was only 1mg, so I was able to increase very very gradually. I believe they are expensive, but it might be worth asking your doctor about them.

Escitalopram is life-changing. I strongly recommend it for anxiety. It gave me my life back.

I'm sorry you are struggling too.

It's really no fun at all, is it?

I had no idea you could get it in drops, thank you. I will ask my gp.

Just a quick reply . I too suffer from anxiety mostly health related and found escitalopram has helped me a lot . I started on 2.5 for 10 days then 5 then 7.5 then 10 . Only side effects I had was increased anxiety for first 4-6 weeks at least and more tired as well . No stomach issues or headaches etc

You have a lot going on and I get it with the worrying over children (17 and 21) and ageing parents

Ask for help with your physical symptoms too from a gp. Some might be anxiety related ie stomach and might go away even once you less anxious

I suspect that your stomach issues will ease once the anxiety meds kick in. Our bodies are so interconnected.

That's good to know. I have requested the fluoxetine from my GP, they are going to give me 10mg tablet form so I can cut them in half and work up from there. Fingers crossed.

My physical symptoms are mainly gut related. I have tried a whole host of digestive meds but nothing helps (apart from Imodium but even then that's not always ideal and causes me additional issues).

This is what I am really hoping.