I am so so scared to try antidepressants because of the initial side effects, how can I push myself to do this?

[RJB73]

I have had a prescription for Escitalopram sitting on my kitchen table for months and am terrified to try them. Yes, I know that sounds pathetic and childish, I am a 51 year old woman ffs but I suffer from gut issues and struggling with daily bowel problems is driving my anxiety and I have developed a kind of diarrhoea phobia and as one of the top side effects from antidepressants noted is diarrhoea this sets my anxiety sky high just thinking about it.

BUT the current state of my mental health is really not good. I have suffered with anxiety and ocd since a small child and then depression in later life. No matter how many cbt, counselling sessions, relaxation adn meditation, healthy clean living and exercise I do I have never been able to rid myself of poor mental health.

I worry about literally everything from the moment I wake until I go to sleep (sleep is my saving grace and it's all I want to to tbh), daytime living is not a pleasure for me, I drag myself through the day until I can sleep all my worries away.

I know that I can not carry on like this as it is having such a detrimental effect on every aspect of my life right now. This is a typical 'schedule' of my worry on an average day,

Worry endlessly about my 19 and 16 year old. Constantly wishing they were young again when I knew where they are and what they were doing. My dd16 starts her first day of her weekend job in a shop today and I am in bits stressing that she will be ok.

Constant every day concern about my elderly parents. Mum has dementia, breast cancer and a chronic leukaemia. I see them 5 times a week and am constantly on edge worrying what will be on the horizon when it comes to them. This in itself is beyond exhausting.

I have also lost my part time job this week and right before Christmas too so that will add extra stress. How can I even think about looking for more work when I feel so wretched?

On top of this anxiety and stress my guts will not work right no matter what I do to help them. I have a constant stomach ache, am bloated and uncomfortable, have diarrhoea and constipation, feel nauseous all the time and never know when I might need the loo which is very inconvenient and adds to my stress, it's a horrid vicious cycle. Throw in perimenopause and pain from my endometriosis and staying in my bed is becoming a more and more appealing option every waking moment.

I know that I am probably a good candidate for antidepressants right now as I am at rock bottom but I just can not overcome the fear of feeling worse than I already do. I really don't know if I can tolerate that.

Sorry that was a very long winded post to basically ask what should I do!?

Yes, I started at 5mg and worked up, had no side effects at all. It was life changing for me.

This is what I am hoping will help me.

The only side effect I had with citalopram was clenching my jaw - otherwise they just changed my life for the better. It's worth it: if your stomach isn't right anyway, at least it will be the same but your mental health will improve, that's how I'd look at it. And there's a decent chance that stress and anxiety is causing or massively exacerbating the gut issues, honestly, so you might see an improvement.

I had little gut side effects from my anti depressants . Only thing that happened was feeling a bit quesy but it soon passed. Initially a nice floaty feeling that was such a relief after that tight wound up feeling that anxiety brings . I also had a few Xanax prescribed , about 7 , to be able to ride out the intial increase of anxiety during the night . In the end I only need 2 . I also kept reminding myself that any negative feelings were just the drugs starting to work.
It is a shame that antidepressants are given such a bad image . Under your GPs supervision you really seem a perfect candidate to benefit from them. Honestly it can be life changing . Sending you good wishes.

If you are really worried about the side effects ask your GP to consider an alternative , citalopram is noted for increasing anxiety on initial use, others aren’t as bad, though finding any medication that is side effect free is impossible, do remember, they have to list side effects, it doesn’t mean you will get them

That's what I'm hoping from taking them. Even if I don't see a positive change in my gut issues then hopefully I just won't care so much, arm I go into a panic with the slightest of gut disturbance. Fingers crossed I'll not care a hoot.

Thank you, so good to hear they have helped you.

I felt the same but did it because I couldn't see any other alternative. A week later, I wasn't crying as usual, which I noticed whilst hoovering and not hating it!

As my wonderful doc said to me... of you've got a broken leg you are treated for it... if you have chemical imbalances you can be treated for it.

No shame, many of us just need that chemical to help and are so grateful for it! Xx

Thank you Beautifulweeds I definitely need something, I just can not carry on like this. I have the prescription now so it's up to me to take the plunge.

I had to check that I hadn’t written your post OP.

I'm also early 50’s very perimenopausal and suffer gut issues that I’m almost certain are anxiety based.

My problems manifest themselves as an uncontrollable urge to go to the loo (no2) more or less whenever I leave the house. The urge isn’t something that can be ignored and if there is no loo available I’m at real risk of soiling as I literally panic.

The anxiety gives me loose stools and if I get really anxious (usually if I’m eating out or in a situation where it’s obvious I’m having to use the toilet over and over again) the it’s a circuit of needing the loo constantly.

This started after a very stressful period of losing my parents within 2 months of each other, a new job with lots of stress and probably the start of peri.

The only way I can live my life is by using Imodium which seems to knock out most of the feeling in my bowel but this then blocks me up and I’ll have a worse day afterward as I’m backed up.

Im also nervous to try antidepressants, I’ve been given sertraline in the past and refused to take it in case side effects made me ill.

This problem spills over into so much of my life. Everywhere I go I need to forward think about toilets. It’s difficult to travel, I’m even the same visiting people or if people visit me! If I’ve got a meeting I work the cramps will start and I’ll have multiple loo trips until I’m empty and sore.

Ive had enough!

I am so sorry you are struggling too. You have literally explained my day to day life, I need the loo as soon as I venture out also. It's really controlling my life.
I have the same experience with imodium. I used it regularly just so I can go about my day to day life but end up with a really slow and sluggish bowel which then causes additional issues.

I've had enough....me too 😕

I know exactly how you feel. I have a GP appointment in 2 weeks time and I’m planning on asking for something to medicate me.

Good luck, I hope you get something which really helps.

I’ll update this thread, let you know what I’m given. If it helps another person through this living hell I’ll be happy.

Brilliant, thanks.
I'll do the same when I pluck up the courage to actually take them 😐

Been on Citalopram for years. No side effects. They're a life-changer. Take the tablets!

I went through 7 antidepressants before finding one that suited me, had a bunch of side effects but none of them gave me stomach trouble.