Long story but I will make it as short as possible:
- I had a very traumatic experience within my own family
- SIL got involved (families knowing one another etc.) and from a very small town.
- SIL in my view took shouldn't have been involved. I was very upset over this.
- I wrote to SIL and apologised for being so upset. She didn't accept the apology and I didn't hear from her at all really. Bumped into her a few times randomly - everything civil and cordial on the surface.
- I have been deeply disappointed by DH in all of this. DH never got involved at all to tell his sister to keep out of the traumatic experience. He was of no support to me. I felt very alone. We separated earlier this year over it all, but continue to share the house (financial reasons and we have 2 kids).
- Fast forward to yesterday. DH met with SIL, without my knowledge and verbally attacked her. Came home yesterday proud of himself that he finally stood up to her.
- I was devastated. SIL and me had gone from a place of hostility to civility and now that's destroyed by DH's actions. DH couldn't understand and thinks he has done me a favour. Thinks it will somehow 'win me back'.
- Today, as a broken person, I put pen to paper and wrote a heartfelt apology again to SIL, that I had no idea DH was going to do that yesterday, that I was not behind it and that I am sorry for everything I have done to cause family discord. I really put myself on the line and wholeheartedly apologised and took every ounce of the blame.
- I asked SIL to please be a support to DH as we navigate the troubled waters that lie ahead for us.
SIL has rejected my apology and wants nothing to do with me. I totally agree that I have been partly at fault (but she has ignored me from day 1, I cannot get so much of a drop of compassion or understanding from her). But I have taken the flack and I really don't know what else to do. The last thing I want is for DH to be at loggerheads with his family.
His mum is sick and I don't want the family to have unhappiness over a blow-in like me. I fully acknowledge my faults and failings in everything. I could have handled things better. I admit this to SIL. I just want to be able to have civility and respect for one another. I don't know how to move on. AIBU?