I'm scaring myself at the moment. I've suffered with depression for 15 years and have had some low points but this is the worst.
I'm going through an awful breakup from the man I fell truly in love with. He doesn't want to be with me anymore and I can't take the pain. It's tipping me over the edge.
I feel so damn selfish. I have kids and I can't bare the thought of leaving them without a mum (their dad has no involvement.) I'm scared to get help in case I lose my kids. I'm scared of what will happen if I don't get help. There's no-one to look after them if I go to hospital.
I've spent all morning looking at ways to make a plan and I'm terrified. I don't know that I'd go through with it, for the guilt I'd feel. But at the same time, I don't know how to live with this pain.
People keep saying it will take time. I don't want to give it time. I want the pain to stop. I feel utterly worthless, undeserving of love (my ex husband was abusive, and my now ex boyfriend decided he can't be with me even though he loves me.)
I have panic attacks every time I leave the house. I can't focus on anything. I just hurt so so much. I'm not scared to die. I'm scared of what will happen if I ask for help.