I want to die

[Anonymous09877]

I don’t no how to say this but I’ll say how I feel and right it that way then it might make sense I have 6 children there amazing kids I have a wonderful mum and dad but I just want to die but I’m to scared of suicide iv googled loads of ways I can’t bring my self to commit suicide but I wish I could just die I can’t explain how I feel because Ino I shouldn’t feel like this I’m only 34 but I feel I need to just end my life I’m scared really scared I sound so so selfish my poor kids I love them so much but I don’t want to live

Your grieving my love. You've gone through two traumatic experiences in two years. I've lost two children and both parents and the pain is unexplainable.

Have you tried bereavement counselling?

Child Bereavement UK were amazing for me.

It sounds like you have severe ptsd my love. You can get help with this and it will make things better in time such as edmr therapy. You have been through a lot and your fight or flight response has been majorly triggered. Seeking help is hard but you can do this. Hugs to you my love 💓

@Clamfoo is not correct- don’t be afraid to seek help. Your children would only be taken into care if they were in danger. You seeking help is showing you are prioritising them. And you won’t be locked up for asking for help.
I know that people speak from personal experiences and I don’t mean to dismiss @Clamfoo because you may have reasons to feel the way you do but in my experience people will try to help and support you. I would call 111 and try to get a doctor to help. But also call friends if you have people around.

Please phone 111 and select option 2 for MH services.
You will not be sectioned and your children will not be taken away. What will happen is that the crisis team will arrange to visit you at home so they can help you deal with the difficult issues you are encountering.
I’ve felt the same way and thought nothing could help but medication and therapy has improved things significantly.
Please don’t give up, you will feel better if you reach out for help. xxx

You've been through a lot. You have. And look! You're still here. Day after day! You're so strong. You may not feel it but hell fire, you are strong!

Your dad is with you, all the time. So is your baby. They've not left you. They'll find a way to stay. Open your mind, notice the little things. That's their way of telling you that they're with you.

Your kids do sound amazing, they've been through a lot too. I bet they'll give their mum the biggest hugs if she needs one? Go and get a hug. If they're in bed, climb in with them. Just hug them. You're not alone.

Please don't be scared of reaching out for help. As I've said, you've been through a lot and you may just need a little help taking the edge off things. I have children and I remember the first time I ever went to my gp. I told him I was having a breakdown. I was crying, snot everywhere. I had one sock on and one sock off. He gave me my 'happy pills' and my 'worry pills'.
My happy ones take the edge off life. They make life more manageable. My worry ones help me see clearer when everything is spinning around my mind. He didn't take my kids off me. He didn't tell social services. He gave me a prescription, told me how talking would help and directed me to talking therapies. That was four years ago now. My kids are still here with me, and I'm still here for them.

You are strong. Deep down you know this. Please phone 111. You deserve to have help x

Please do t think that reaching out means you will lose your children. Reaching out means they can put in support to prevent that happening. Do t forget, if you’re not here, your children would then be much more likely to go into care. They need you.
I very much doubt you would be sectioned. The threshold is very high. I was put in hospital earlier this year after I heard voices telling me to kill evil people. That’s the kind of level that gets you an admission.
Please call 111, they will help. Or if you want to be more anonymous, call the Samaritans or text SHOUT.
keep talking to us x

Thanks for your understanding. Dont get me wrong I'm not saying dont get help. I'm saying do get help - from charities, local groups, local authority, public health, whatever is in the local community.
I'd not be calling Crisis Teams due to the fact OP says she's been googling ways to die, which is relatively heavy going and if you make it to inpatient services you are almost certainly doomed for life and will never recover. OP must look at the strong position she is in, seek out the GP for medication if that is what she wants, but generally its only Crisis Teams who prescribe the nasty drugs, the Class C stuff you're best not going anywhere near.

I wish her the very best of luck of breaking this mindset.

How are you doing @Anonymous09877 ?
I'm thinking of you and hope you’re feeling even slightly better.

How are you OP? I’ve felt how you’re feeling and it’s a very lonely place, even when surrounded by people. Your children won’t be taken from you for seeking help. The fact you’re worried about it shows what a good mum you are. You want the best for your children and that will not be you not being here anymore. They need you. I hear you and I understand, I’m sure many of us here do. You can get through the days hour by hour. I went on ADs, sought therapy and set aside an hour each night to do something I want to do. It still doesn’t make me happy as such but it is self care and I make sure I do it. You can get through for your children. Seek help, reach out to loved ones.