To feel so alone and desperate (trigger warning)

[Coldhandswarmhearts]

Hi all, I just feel so desperate this evening. I’ve had a lot of life events recently - work troubles, marriage struggles, family illness. Against a background of depression and anxiety for years - bipolar diagnosis which I don’t believe, (on lithium and a cocktail of medicines which I’ve mostly come off successfully), hospitalisation. Anyway everything that could possibly flare up has flared up. I have always had suicidal ideation but my two kids and husband have prevented me from going ahead. Problem now is I’m not sure that that deterrent is strong enough anymore. I’m scared

If you are having suicidal thoughts, AIBU is no place for you.

Call the Samaritans on 116 123 now.

Please call someone and tell them what you have written here x

I’m sorry you feel so low OP.

And I agree with PP, if you are feeling suicidal, you should phone the Samaritans (or 111).

Have you stopped taking all of the meds prescribed for bipolar? Is it possible this has caused a depression to sneak up on you?

It sounds like it is time to speak to your GP again? I have a friend with bipolar and he takes lithium. Without it he quickly sinks into depression with suicidal ideation, and with it he feels like himself again almost instantly when the dose is correct.

Confide in your husband OP and do call the Samaritans this evening.

💐

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Please, please talk to someone who can help. I wish you all the kindness x