I can’t live like this any longer

[TaffyTuck]

I’m dead inside.
I have so many problems and worries and every day I fight to stay alive. My older dc are v unwell. Life is unbearable.
I’m undiagnosed but pretty sure my lifelong issues are due to being Neurodiverse.( on waiting list )
I have no talent skill , hobbies or interests. No friends. No career.
My Partner gets annoyed when i am upset. Can’t talk to him.
I even wrote all this out then somehow it deleted.
I sat in my car today for an hour on drive as I didn’t know what to do. I was googling for help. Samaritans are no use they have no opinion or advice. GP only offers pills. ( been there tried them )
i just don’t know what to do

my older dc are v unwell
That must be a big factor, how old are they and is it physical or mh?

It’s v complex physical and rare conditions for one dc and fighting for more diagnosis for them. and the other has now been referred for possible cancer. They are young adults.

Sorry to hear this. I know you said meds don’t work but have you tried different ones? Has the GP referred you for any therapy like CBT?
life sounds hard with unwell children, you’ve a lot on your plate.
We can listen here but you can also text SHOUT, they are really kind.

Tablets do nothing. Tried them all.
Done CBT in past. Can’t afford any private therapy even better health is too expensive. Have also used SHOUT before but they can’t really advise me

I tried to ask my partner for help and he got angry.
I texted shout and noone is answering

I’m where you are right now desperately need a cuddle . Feel absolutely broken . Hope u r ok. Mental health is really crap to live with

@Imbluedalale Sorry you feel the same. Mental health is torture.

surely I shouldn’t have to beg and instruct my supposed partner to cuddle me or offer kind words. If he loved me he would do it anyway. Anyway being unlovable I shall add that to my list of failures

No you shouldn’t , I’ve just split with my ex of 15 years hardest thing I’ve ever done but he used to be able to soundly go to sleep whilst I was sobbing beside him . Not supportive at all . You are not unlovable . Somebody told me that the pain of walking away will hurt less than a lifetime of unhappiness. I was planning to walk away but he kicked me out instead but least I’m away from him and can try and heal in peace and so can you xx

I can’t face another day

Am so sorry to hear @TaffyTuck would you consider calling The Samaritans?

I’ve used them before. Ultimately they can’t help me and they have no advice to give.

Try the Samaritans again, OP. They don't give advice but they do listen. Sometimes a listening ear helps straighten things out in your own head. Please call them x

OP please go back to your GP and see whether they can put you under the care of the mental health crisis team so you can get urgent support.

That's what I had to do last year as I a complete breakdown and was making plans to hurt myself/did not want to be here anymore.

The GP immediately put me on Citalopram and referred me to the Crisis Team who saw me two days after that. The GP also referred me for counselling. I also phone the Samaritans a couple of times just to have someone to speak to when the anxiety was at its worse.

All of this helped and I am slowly feeling better.

If your partner only brings negativity in your life it might also be time to accept that the relationship has run its course.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you are able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best,
MNHQ💐

My partner is ok in every other way except he will not do upset. Which hurts me more coz the person that says they love u turns their back when you’re suicidal. Can’t get my head around it.

I have messaged GP but they won’t do anything. Got phone call after 2. No one can actually help me though.

My entire life is a mess

Hi OP, when you speak to your GP, please do ask for a referral to MH services. I understand that feeling of not being able to take any more. But, you won't be stuck in these feelings forever, although it feels that way at the time. You're not dead inside, but it feels that way when all you're experiencing is fear and anxiety - they seem to push all the other feelings out.

Go to the A&E/urgent care centre and refuse to leave until you have a referral to a therapist

You can do this and you can face another day . Please believe me . I’m going into care of mental health team today because I’m really struggling and having bad thoughts .
If somebody told me a year ago that on this day today I would be homeless in a hotel room without my children , have cancer and be partially paralysed and everybody has turned their back on me because of exs lies I would never have believed them but that’s where I am right now . I’m sat in a chair in my hotel room waiting to hear from mental health team for when my room will be ready that they have organised for me in their care .
I did try to commit last year and I told my partner where I was going and you know what he said ? He said ‘ cya’. I then spent 7 weeks in hospital .
I’m sorry your partner is not supportive and it’s not ok . Maybe when you’re feeling stronger you can see it for what it is . But right now you need to ring your crisis team . I didn’t want to ring them just the thought of it terrified me but I did and you will get the help you need and deserve right now . I’ve had some absolutely terrible thoughts these last 9 days but deep down what I know is that I don’t want to die I just don’t want to feel this pain anymore . You need help and support right now . And you deserve to get better xx

I spend a lot of time in A and E with my child. The thought of going there again no way
i appreciate the replies I do.

@Imbluedalale I’m so sorry you are going through all of that. It’s so kind of you to bother with me when you have all that going on. Please don’t allow me to burden you further. I wish you all the strength and happiness you deserve.

Is there any kind of carer support you can access as your children's carer?

Can you self refer to a Talking Therapy/ IAPT type service in your area?

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

No I wouldn’t go to a&e either I’m absolutely sick of hospitals . But you need need help and support . I didn’t get on speaking to the Samaritans I thought they was patronising but that’s just me . And I also used the text service SHOUT and it took them over 12 hours to reply to me so that didn’t work . But the crisis team do work for me and I think they would for you. I’ve been speaking to them every day and they’ve been out to my hotel room to see me and a doctor came to see me yesterday . I can probably say that as of now they have saved my life . I’m here to talk but please try and ring your crisis team they really do help xx

You are NOT burdening me and you are not a burden please don’t think that . I know exactly how you feel that way but you’re not . I have felt that way many times but you know what , we didn’t ask to be poorly with mental health . If you had a broken arm you wouldn’t just leave it you would get it fixed and just because mental health is invisible it still needs fixing you can’t just leave it. It won’t fix itself . I know how you feel TaffyTuck and I’m not just saying that , I do know . And if I can help one person get through the absolute shit storm that mental health causes then I’m not as useless as I thought I was xx