I can’t live like this any longer

[TaffyTuck]

I’m dead inside.
I have so many problems and worries and every day I fight to stay alive. My older dc are v unwell. Life is unbearable.
I’m undiagnosed but pretty sure my lifelong issues are due to being Neurodiverse.( on waiting list )
I have no talent skill , hobbies or interests. No friends. No career.
My Partner gets annoyed when i am upset. Can’t talk to him.
I even wrote all this out then somehow it deleted.
I sat in my car today for an hour on drive as I didn’t know what to do. I was googling for help. Samaritans are no use they have no opinion or advice. GP only offers pills. ( been there tried them )
i just don’t know what to do

@Imbluedalale thanks for your support. You have such understanding.

I have so many problems that Im drowning in them. Even if I improve my mental health. The stresses will still be there. And it’s that tipped me over the edge. No one can cure my dc or give them the lives that other young adults have. I really think I’m cursed and my bad luck has rubbed onto them and they are ill because they have my genes.

Yes the stresses will still be there , of course they will be but you need to be mentally well enough to deal with those stresses as best as you can.
I’m going into this mental haven/house for a week but once I leave I will still be homeless , I will still have cancer , I will still be without my children I will still have everything else that life still throws at me and I’m dreading it but hopefully I will be well enough or even just have a little bit of strength to get through it . You can look after anybody else or deal with anything if you’re not well. So you need to try and get better just like I am . I’m not a godly person but I was told that god gives his biggest battles to his greatest warriors . And that’s what you are , your a warrior and you can do this xx

And you are not cursed nor do you have bad genes . Your a good person ok xx

I wish neither of us had all of this to cope with. You don’t deserve any of that . I wish I could help you. I truly hope that you are able to recover some strength.
I cannot get my head around life’s unfairness. Some people have everything and others must suffer. And I realise there are people way worse than me and my problems.knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to bear.
x

So do I TaffyTuck
I really do . And you don’t deserve it either . Nobody deserves to be poorly and nobody asks to be poorly . Life can be really shit , my ex is an arse and he never has a bad hand dealt to him he can ruin peoples lives and he gets to swan around and get everything handed to him but I’m not going to let it consume me . What I’m going to do is try my hardest to get better because I to know I deserve to be happy and I’m not saying life’s going to be great because I know it’s not but life shouldn’t be or feel this bad . I’m going to try and get better for my children that’s my goal right now . I’m so tired of feeling like this and crying and not wanting to wake up each day . You too can do it I know you can. You just need a helping hand right now like I do . Please try and speak to crisis team before the weekend and get yourself in the system . Once you to that and make that call everything else will be easier . You just need to take the first step because you matter and you are worth it xx

Thanks but It’s not even an option financially for me.

Have you rang the crisis team TaffyTuck?
I’m in the care of the mental health team now I’m staying with them for a week to try and get some help and support xx

Hi I’m glad you’re safe.
I hope you find some strength. You deserve it. X

No I spoke with the GP on phone. He is going to mark me as urgent for community mental health team however long that will take. He gave me the crisis number but I can’t ring. It feels odd and I don’t know what to say anyway.

DP text to ask how I was feeling today. I ignored it. I literally told him last night I was fighting to stay alive and he showed me no kindness and shouted and turned his back from me. Why would I dignify him a response. Now he’s stomping about as I won’t speak.
gonna be a long weekend.

You need to ring them TaffyTuck.
I didn’t know what to say when I rang but I was honest and said I really need some help because I’m worried I won’t be able to keep myself safe. That’s what they are there for . They deal with this everyday .
Try not to think about DP right now think about yourself for once . You can’t make an omelette without eggs . Please ring them xx

Hi TaffyTuck.
How are you feeling today?xx

Hi sorry I’ve only just seen this.
I hope you are managing to rest and your stay is comfortable ?

Yesterday it went tits up. Had huge row with DP. He blamed all our problems on my mental health and the stress I’m under. I’m not sleeping and feel I’ve been punched in the stomach.
i cried all day.
feeling bit stronger today but got work tomorrow so see how I go. I’m exhausted.

Thanks for being so kind despite your own battle. X

Ahh that sounds crap. Can you take a sick day today and ring your GP surgery first thing to see if you can get an emergency appointment? Also worth trying the crisis team for your area - google should come up with the number.

💐

Hi TaffyTuck.
Sorry to hear your weekend has been crap .
Did you tell him you didn’t think he was being very supportive? Tell him he’s very lucky not to have depression or anxiety or mental health problems and tell him it’s an illness you can’t just switch it off and on.
You really need to speak to crisis team that should be your number 1 priority this week.
I hope you manage to get some sleep and I’m here if you need to talk x

Thanks for reply but I’ve already spoken to GP and I’m waiting for CMH to get in touch. I don’t see how Crisis team can help me I’ve rung them once before few years back they did nothing.
I have to go work.

Hi how’s it going? Food any good ?

yes I did tell him. Told him he was verbally abusive when I’m upset. He said well I can’t help you and you would push me away. I told him he has zero emotional intelligence.
He lost his mom 18 months ago and has been depressed himself which I pointed out was a mental health issue. But obviously it’s just me with mental health problems.
At least I try to get help.
I slept a bit. Now been trying to get up for 2 hrs. Work at lunchtime. X

Hi TaffyTuck.
How are you today? Glad you got a little bit of sleep. Hope you have a nice day at work.
I can’t say it’s going great because I still feel utter crap but it’s better than staring at 4 walls in a hotel room on my own. And I can keep myself safe here and that’s what I need right now .
You have to provide and do your own food here so had an Ocado shop delivered earlier . Lost my appetite abit at moment though .
My ex was like that he just didn’t do or say the right things but my ex was the main cause of my mental health he seemed to enjoy seeing me suffer.
If your not able to tell him properly how you feel maybe write him a letter and explain how much your suffering and drowning in your own thoughts . Have those crisis team been in touch yet?xx

Hi well I made it out of bed and walked dogs and been to work. That was hard but having to fake normality made me feel bit better.

I’ve tried texting it to him how I feel but he doesn’t or won’t understand. Im speaking to him a bit now but not gonna be normal with everything that’s been said. I guess I will wait til I’m stronger.
I know what you mean about not having an appetite I had to force feed myself a sandwhich for before I went to work. Not really hungry always get the same when I’m struggling.

It’s good that you can order your own food in at least @Imbluedalale ! That way if you’re fussy like me it makes it easier. Shame it’s not free food though.
Will they give you a time frame for how long you can stay ? Or will it just be dependant on progress ?
Xx

@Imbluedalale forgot to answer your question. No I’ve heard nothing from them yet. X