Just punched myself in the face over and over

Senparentingwoes · 2024-10-01T19:17:01+00:00

I feel utterly broken. Two children with SN and zero family support. Every day is just endless screaming. I am beyond broken, I cannot do it anymore. I literally wish I could kill myself. No idea what to do or who to turn to for help

MNHQ

ImaniMumsnet · 01/10/2024 20:27

We're so sorry you're feeling this way.
We can see that you've already been given a lot of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add some links to organisations which may be able to give you some help in real life too.
First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are many organisations listed which can provide you with some support. If you're feeling very low, you can contact the Samaritans, any time, by emailing [email protected]
or by calling 116 123.
You can also get help from a text service called Shout 85258. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place. It's a free, confidential, anonymous service for anyone in the UK and it won’t appear on your phone bill.
And finally, here's a link to Mind's pages on Tips for everyday living and How to improve your mental wellbeing.
Sending good wishes, OP. We really hope you're okay.

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health

Destiny123 · 01/10/2024 20:29

I'm sorry it's tough. Can you look into respite care for a weekend break? Mentoring charity that take them out for time away? I'm a neurodivergent Dr and volunteered for both over the years, we get a budget to take the kids out to do what they want

candlewhickgreen · 01/10/2024 20:29

OP I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Can you contact NHS Direct option 2. You can speak to mental health advisors who can advise you and make referrals to relevant services.

TroubleMakingWitch · 01/10/2024 20:41

I am so sorry. I would definitely try 111 and explain you're having a MH emergency.

Is there a friend or neighbour who you would feel comfortable talking to?

Wish I could give you a hug xxx

whiskeyarmadillo · 01/10/2024 20:48

Fellow SN parent here. It's so very tough.

Are your kids school age?

Can you all get some rest tonight?

AutumnCrow · 01/10/2024 21:10

I'm so sorry, OP. Please post here instead of turning your emotions on yourself and posters will try to chat, talk to you, and help you.

It sounds like you need a break and yet I know that that can be just another hard thing to organise.

Original poster

Senparentingwoes · 02/10/2024 08:48

Morning all, thank you so much for your responses. I did read them last night while laying in bed (with a very throbbing head). My eldest DC is school age but really struggling with school and so I am stressed and anxious about that, school are trying their best but she’s in mainstream and I think aren’t the best equipped for her. She is very high functioning (at least as school) but has the extremely volatile emotions (usually aimed at me after school when she’s totally burnt out). I’m seriously considering homeschooling her at this point because it’s unbearable in the evenings.

littlest is not yet diagnosed but is non verbal and so so angry. All she does is scream. I mean hours and hours of high pitched screaming. Neither of them sleep very well and bedtimes take hours (of screaming) with me sitting in their room. It feels a little like a torture method. I’m in the last year of nursing school and am already falling behind with the academic stuff because so much of my mental capacity is consumed by this. It feels completely unattainable at this point. I have a DH who is utterly useless and is never around, when his is he is often very critical of me (house too messy, my fault they’re late because I didn’t wake him up with enough time etc). I just feel completely burnt out.

my mum is sympathetic towards the situation but is unable to handle both kids together and the oldest will not spend a moment away from me (unless at school/work). I have so much guilt towards them, I have no idea what I did to end up at this point but I am totally burnt out, sleep deprived and feel like a shell of a person. I look so old at the little age of 31 because 6 years of sleep deprivation has just robbed me of any youth. No idea what to do! School are unable to help, littlest goes to a childminder twice a week but I am usually working long days or nightshifts so zero respite. How does anyone else cope?? Life just feels completely pointless.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 02/10/2024 08:51

Please call ss children with disabilities team duty social worker for urgent assessment for respite for youngest

Please see your GP to back you up
Consider shared care foster carers for youngest ? At least the minimum short breaks offered portage etc

Youngest must be v frustrated has Slt started working on PECS AAC etc?

flapjackfairy · 04/10/2024 12:37

Senparentingwoes · 02/10/2024 08:48

Morning all, thank you so much for your responses. I did read them last night while laying in bed (with a very throbbing head). My eldest DC is school age but really struggling with school and so I am stressed and anxious about that, school are trying their best but she’s in mainstream and I think aren’t the best equipped for her. She is very high functioning (at least as school) but has the extremely volatile emotions (usually aimed at me after school when she’s totally burnt out). I’m seriously considering homeschooling her at this point because it’s unbearable in the evenings.

littlest is not yet diagnosed but is non verbal and so so angry. All she does is scream. I mean hours and hours of high pitched screaming. Neither of them sleep very well and bedtimes take hours (of screaming) with me sitting in their room. It feels a little like a torture method. I’m in the last year of nursing school and am already falling behind with the academic stuff because so much of my mental capacity is consumed by this. It feels completely unattainable at this point. I have a DH who is utterly useless and is never around, when his is he is often very critical of me (house too messy, my fault they’re late because I didn’t wake him up with enough time etc). I just feel completely burnt out.

my mum is sympathetic towards the situation but is unable to handle both kids together and the oldest will not spend a moment away from me (unless at school/work). I have so much guilt towards them, I have no idea what I did to end up at this point but I am totally burnt out, sleep deprived and feel like a shell of a person. I look so old at the little age of 31 because 6 years of sleep deprivation has just robbed me of any youth. No idea what to do! School are unable to help, littlest goes to a childminder twice a week but I am usually working long days or nightshifts so zero respite. How does anyone else cope?? Life just feels completely pointless.

no wonder you can't cope. I have 2 children with complex needs and 1 has challenging behaviour . I get some respite support and I am still burnt out a lot of the time. It is the relentlessness of it all that wears you down I find.
Could you get signed off work or training for a couple of weeks and see if your mum can take the youngest during the day to let you rest.? And how could you home school ? It all sounds v hard indeed . I second asking for an assessment for the whole family and you desperately need some respite . Easy to say but not easy to.secure I know. .Sorry not much help.other than to say I understand and send a virtual hug of solidarity.