What's going on with me? Psychosis?

[Rach98]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice.
I've been diagnosed with borderline personally disorder for about 10years. Recently iv been experiencing some odd behaviours.
I was struggling to sleep, I couldn't get to sleep and around 1.30am whilst laying there I had a overwhelming sense and fully believed someone was in my house, walking around as I could hear someone walking downstairs, I thought whoever this person was they were going to kill me and hurt me. I was too scared to make a noise or move. Now looking back at this there's no evidence to suggest this, all windows and doors locked, nothing taken, didn't see anyone, didn't hear anyone leave or arrive.
This isn't everything I'm having hugely strong believes that my husband is abusive, emotionally, verbally, I feel like I'm going mad. Now realistically he isn't the brightest person, he's mentally got the age of someone who's 5, (he has learning disabilities) but the thoughts around it all is frightening .. I have thoughts like I can't go and speak to anyone professionally due to he will use this against me, he's plotting things behind my back, I honestly thought he was in my house the other night tormenting me when realistically he was at his house, thoughts that he is also plotting to secretly get police, psychiatrists, mental health teams to take me away, that he's watching me if I go out, that he's in my house when I'm not there.. even though he's at work.
I also see shadows, occasionally hearing voices inside my head, my mind is so loud sometimes and chaotic , my mind races constantly. I'm struggling with making decisions even simple ones, I feel I'm loosing touch with reality and distinguishing what's actually real or not.

What's going on with me?

Appreciate any help!

You need to go back to your doctor, show him/her what you've written here as a starting point.

Do you feel like this right now? If so, I'd call the mental health crisis team for your area - Google "mental health crisis team <name of your county>"

If you are feeling ok today, I'd ring your GP in the morning and tell them what you've played. Or do you have any ongoing MH support for your BPD? You could ring them on Monday morning?

When Ive had psychotic episodes I’ve not had the ability to rationalise that things are not real. I totally believe them and act accordingly. That said, I do think you need to raise this with your team. You could call crisis today or if you feel you can manage tomorrow then call your psychiatrist x

I don't have any team or any help at all. Atm I'm questioning it all. I duno what was real and what wasn't.

Atm I feel defensive and irritable, questioning everything, I don't no what happening. I feel lost. I don't have any help at all.

I'm afraid and worried .. I have 4 dependants who rely on me. Is this part of my bpd?

I think it's really hard for us to say or give advice. You do need to get further help from mental health specialists, as scary as it may seem it's what you need to get better. Please please contact your GP, or mental health crisis team. If you say what area your in we could try to find their contact details . Understand not everyone wants to share that info though x

And that’s why it’s vital that you get the help you need to get better, which you will do but only by telling your GP how you are feeling. It’s in everyone’s best interests for you to be well.

Contact NHS Direct option 2 and speak to mental health. They'll give you advice on what to do.

What would they suggest? I didn't even no u could do this. Is it just a listening service?

This sounds different from borderline pd. You do really need to seek urgent mental health support. GP tomorrow and say it’s an emergency or your mental health crisis team (google your area). Be brave! You can understand that these things aren’t happening at the moment, but if you get iller then you could loose touch with reality. Much better to seek help now.

You will speak to a mental health advisor who will ask you some questions and listen to you. They can offer self-care advice and signposting over the phone, transfer you to the crisis service if needed or refer you to other local services.

How are you this evening?

Great to see you back @Scutterbug. We were worried about you

Scared ngl... frightened. Vulnerable. Worried. Confused. Feeling alot tbh.

@Rach98 please call nhs direct and select option 2 and talk to somebody. Thinking of you.

This doesn’t sound like psychosis to me which is acute, and as another pp said, you wouldn’t have the ability to rationalise right now. It sounds like you are experiencing paranoid delusions. This CAN be a symptom of psychosis, but it can also be a symptom of PD or severe anxiety.

I would recommend calling NHS 111 and telling them your symptoms. They do offer mental health support now and will triage you (I.e. point you in the right direction for care). Either that or make an urgent appointment with your GP tomorrow if you do not feel at risk to yourself or others. You need a proper mental health assessment and I believe you’ll be referred for one via NHS 111 or Mental Health team via your GP.

I hope you’re ok xx

Have you got someone at home with you that you can share your symptoms with?

I think it varies from area to area but around here there is a MH triage called IRT (Initial Response Team) that will assess how you are. They can then make onward referrals. In our area there is a home treatment team for early stage psychosis - it’s a home based treatment as an alternative to hospital treatment when people are deemed as ‘safe enough’ (ie not a threat to themselves or others) still quite poorly. They can prescribe or offer urgent therapies etc

Of course I can’t say what you are dealing with, I’m basing this on your feeling it could be psychosis. They would be able to assess properly though and help you come to the appropriate treatment plan, whether it’s that or something else.

Your best bet would be to find contact details for your local service - 111 should help.

No one other than my four children..

Thanks all to who has commented on this.
Il try 111. If I can't il phone my GP tomorrow. If I can't do either il message someone close to me to do this on my behalf.
I know things aren't right with me right now.

Well done lovely, that sounds like a great plan.
if you let me know the area you’re in, I can also send you details for your local crisis team, but 111 will be able to do that for you or put you on the right pathway. Best of luck and take care until then.

if you need someone to speak to confidentially by phone, the Samaritans are free to call from a mobile 24/7 on 116 123 otherwise. X

Thank you! I was allowed back recently x

I can't phone them... I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone.