GAD is ruining my life

[Scottishboi]

Hi all,

Feeling a bit down and hopeless about my current predicament.

I've suffered from bad anxiety (diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder) for about 20 years now and I just feel like I can't see it ever improving. It's ruining my life.

I've tried various medications (Sertraline, Fluoxetine, Mirtazipine and now Citalopram) and only ever experience some minor success, at best, with them.

I've always been a worrier and this has often then expanded into panic attacks about a certain event or thing going on in my life. But in recent years it's been so much worse (I think made worse due to unexpected and sudden loss of someone really close to me), I find myself having full on panic attacks about pretty much any decision that's related to something costing money or that is going to result in a permanent change in my life.

When I do make the decision finally, I ruminate to death about what I could have done differently and feel overwhelming panic and shame if I've made a mistake.

It's almost like it becomes a hyper fixation and when my anxiety is heightened like this, my appetite disappears. So I genuinely find it hard to even eat one meal a day when it happens.

Outside of this, I'm increasingly just waking up full of anxiety (even if the previous day was a good day!). This is challenging for me because I'm very much one of these people who panics about panicking, so it's difficult not to become hyper fixated on it when I'm experiencing the physical symptoms so strongly as soon as I wake up.

Another big trigger for me is my breathing - I start to feel like I can't breathe, which makes my breathing worse, and so on. Before you know it, panic attack.

I should add that I've tried CBT a couple of times but sadly not gained much from it. I've also started exercising regularly in the hope that this could help. I also take Propranolol when needed and I feel like so many people swear by it, but I don't feel like it does anything for me :(.

I honestly feel really hopeless about my situation - I know and anxiety is limiting me in my life, it's making me miserable day to day and it's very isolating. I have some caring friends and family, but they ultimately don't understand.

If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks

what is your personal life like? partner? children? do you work?

have you looked into getting your gut bacteria checked out or improved? a healthy microbiome can really help anxiety.

No partner or children, I work full time in a job that I mostly enjoy, although that's changed a little recently

I have Crohn's disease so mine is probably not great! Haha. How do you go about getting it checked?

How long did you try out SSRIs for?

They are usually bang on for anxiety - unless your anxiety stopped you from taking them?

I'm absolutely the same and mine is terrible right now due to several bereavements this year. I haven't tried any medication though as I find it so difficult to talk to the GP about it

I've been on them since 2019, I switched on to Citalopram about 5 months ago.

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing the same kind of thing, it's horrible.

Hey Op, sorry to hear you’re struggling.

I don’t know anything about medication but perhaps try some daily breathing exercises on YouTube or get an app like the Balance app which does a 6 month free trial.

I think walking, drinking lots of water, eating less UPFs and reducing sugar in your diet can help massively as well.

Could you access some talking therapies too?

I think that's a good idea, I've set myself a daily step goal so I'm already out walking a fair bit, but when my anxiety is worse I do have this tendency to stay in bed and hide away! So I should try push on and still go my walks, as well as reduce the UPFs.

staying in bed all day op would make even someone like me feel anxious! Outside…. grab a coffee, see a friend

I really struggle with anxiety, I find it goes worse with lack of sleep, tiredness and exercise and staying at home for long periods of time.

Things that I find help are yoga classes, meditation, nose breathing and exercises. I haven't found any medication helps with anxiety 😥 I've tried most you have. Just keep hoping it will get better.

Can you give CBT style approach another go? DS suffers from anxiety and he tells me the most effective way through for him is to ask himself: If I didn't suffer from anxiety what would I do right now? Then he goes ahead and does that. It has massively helped him.

Another thing that might help is practising 'win win' thinking (get hold of Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway' - an old-fashioned but classic self help book full of the most brilliant advice. One of the methods is to examine your life choices for win win situations and train yourself to realise something good can come from any decision. It can help to look at past choices that maybe didn't work out 100% but good came from them.

E,g, You might have had a job with a horrible boss and felt stressed but doing that role gave necessary experience to get a better one. You may have had a relationship that ended badly but through that person you met someone who is now a good friend or took up a sport you now love etc. Look at the wins not the losses in any decision. It helps to train yourself to realise there is never just one way to happiness or to reach a goal in life.

SSRIs don't work on mine either. I've had some success with TCAs. Mostly you just have to push through it. If something triggers you, make it a point to do it. Then and there. Not later. Not 'I'll think about it.' Even if you have to sit there and wait for the panic attack to subside first.

Therapy helps me a lot but CBT is just useless. I'm sure it has its uses for other issues but for me it's no good. I started seeing a private counsellor, he was inexperienced, only a couple of years in independent practice but offers reduced fee sessions for those on low income and in need of help and its honestly the best thing I ever forced myself to do. He has been the driving force for change in my life.

That sounds like a very sensible approach, and hopefully could help me given like I said I suffer a lot from rumination and shaming myself/feeling anxious over past decisions. I'll check out that book!

Look into psilocybin therapy, you can do a retreat abroad but you can easily grow your own at home. It's been life changing for me. You can search on this forum, lots of threads about it and I fully expect it to become legalised in a few years.

What are TCAs?

That's interesting to hear, as I've considered going to a counsellor. I've even been considering hypnotherapy recently, but tbh I think I'm too cynical to that stuff to really get into it.

Tricyclic Antidepressants. They don't get prescribed much anymore as they can have side effects and aren't as widely tolerated as the newer drugs but I've always gotten on better with them and the dry mouth is more than worth the trade off.

Yeah, I'm not much of one for the How does that make you feel? approach. I needed someone who will talk straight and not let themselves be distracted or pushed away.

I had a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy but it didn't do anything

You need a more intensive therapy like psychotherapy, to help you get to the root cause of this.
I had EDMR and I have to say that really helped me with health anxiety after my family member died suddenly.

Why don't you try and get to the root cause of your anxiety by seeing a psychotherapist.

from what you describe op
you have endured life for two decades rather than actually live it

so i’d give anything a shot in your shoes

It is, I really need to get a grip on it as it's affecting my health now. Currently waiting to find out if I have cancer (yay!) Which isn't helping but has given me a wake up call to sort myself out. I will go to the GP. CBT has helped me previously

That’s great you have a step goal.

I know I’m the same - so if I can’t make it out my door due to bad weather or how I’m feeling etc I walk in my flat instead!

I have a walking pad, as I accepted a few years ago that since WFH I was just not a leave the house everyday kind of person anymore lol.

However more often than not, I just walk on the spot or shuffle around while listening to music or a podcast or even just in silence.

And sometimes I open the window for fresh air then stand on my balcony for Vit D.

Walking indoors may not have as many health benefits as walking outdoors, but it is better than not walking at all.

Stretching and Pilates and dancing can also help. Again, things you do inside on your own!

How old are you ? Can you speak to your GP about blood tests to rule out any underlying physical cause? Hormones, low iron, low vit D, thyroid issues can all play havoc with mood and anxiety.
prioritse sleep and healthy eating as much as you can.
cut out all caffeine and alcohol if not already