GAD is ruining my life

[Scottishboi]

Hi all,

Feeling a bit down and hopeless about my current predicament.

I've suffered from bad anxiety (diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder) for about 20 years now and I just feel like I can't see it ever improving. It's ruining my life.

I've tried various medications (Sertraline, Fluoxetine, Mirtazipine and now Citalopram) and only ever experience some minor success, at best, with them.

I've always been a worrier and this has often then expanded into panic attacks about a certain event or thing going on in my life. But in recent years it's been so much worse (I think made worse due to unexpected and sudden loss of someone really close to me), I find myself having full on panic attacks about pretty much any decision that's related to something costing money or that is going to result in a permanent change in my life.

When I do make the decision finally, I ruminate to death about what I could have done differently and feel overwhelming panic and shame if I've made a mistake.

It's almost like it becomes a hyper fixation and when my anxiety is heightened like this, my appetite disappears. So I genuinely find it hard to even eat one meal a day when it happens.

Outside of this, I'm increasingly just waking up full of anxiety (even if the previous day was a good day!). This is challenging for me because I'm very much one of these people who panics about panicking, so it's difficult not to become hyper fixated on it when I'm experiencing the physical symptoms so strongly as soon as I wake up.

Another big trigger for me is my breathing - I start to feel like I can't breathe, which makes my breathing worse, and so on. Before you know it, panic attack.

I should add that I've tried CBT a couple of times but sadly not gained much from it. I've also started exercising regularly in the hope that this could help. I also take Propranolol when needed and I feel like so many people swear by it, but I don't feel like it does anything for me :(.

I honestly feel really hopeless about my situation - I know and anxiety is limiting me in my life, it's making me miserable day to day and it's very isolating. I have some caring friends and family, but they ultimately don't understand.

If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks

Have you considered metacognitive therapy?
Also, what do you like to do to relax? I’d try to find some “absorbing” activities you can do that will lessen the fixation with your worries. Remember, we cannot control the future, and worrying as a behaviour is unhelpful. But to me, it sounds as though your difficulty lies in your inability to switch off from your thoughts and your preoccupation with worry. With that in mind, you need refocusing activities.

I'm 32 - I've asked previously and they seemed reluctant to do them, but I can ask again!

I've never heard of this type of therapy, but from a quick glance on Google this definitely sounds like something I should look into, so thank you!

I also agree that I need to do some more activities that will help remove me from the rumination/fixation cycle.

Have you tried Pregabalin? I was told by a GP that I’d exhausted every option, but I pushed and pushed to see an NHS psychiatrist (a long and stressful process; paying privately is probably the way forward if you can afford it). The psychiatrist immediately prescribed Pregabalin, which had never been mentioned to me before, and Cipralex. This was the magic combination for me.

Propranolol never worked for me either.
TCAs never worked for me.
SNRIs can be the magic bullet for some people, but they’re probably a last resort as they are very difficult to withdraw from.
As a PP mentioned, microdosing psilocybin might be worth considering.

Good luck. Having an anxiety disorder is really hard, but you’ve still got loads of options that you haven’t explored yet.

Have a look at this video, it may be useful in helping you understand yourself better;

I work in mental health, and as a fellow anxiety sufferer myself, I truly relate to you and I think this would be a great therapy for you. However, do remember, like any therapy be that CBT or MCT, you do have to practice the strategies in your own time, and once you’ve finished - it should become a new way of life for you kinda thing. It’s hard, I know.

don’t forget all the other areas of your life that will support your mental health like proper sleep, diet, low caffeine/alcohol etc and reducing stress. Journaling maybe. Worry management techniques. I think relaxation and refocusing activities or hobbies could be great to give your mind a break. Combined with the right medication could also be advantageous (that’s if you wish to take it). Take care xx

I know this sounds fivolous, but worth a shot eh? Sing more! By yourself is good, but if you’re brave and join a choir etc the endorphins released is honestly so good. I didn’t sing for 8 anxious years, started singing again and the anxiety reduced to the point I came off my meds.
Obviously you’ve been through a lot but nothing to lose and could do in conjunction with other approaches.
So much cool evidence around the psychology of singing!

What happened when you were 12 to necessitate that diagnosis?